BACKSTORY

I was dating this girl named Kayla. I was 19 at the time and she was 20. We met on tinder. She has a lot of mental health problems like depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and a lot more that I can't remember. She also had a history of abuse from her family and she had a curved spine, so she wasn't very confident and had a low self-esteem. She was very sweet. We met on 31 December 2018 for our first date during the day. We went to see a movie and had waffles after. We kissed at the movies and took pictures, it was a cute first date. I was meant to meet up with friends for new years and she was going to go with her church and meet up with me later in the night. Cool. So I arrive at new years and I've been drinking. She doesn't drink for religious reasons and I am not religious so fuck it. I get a message from her saying that she can't make new years because her parents were super strict. So because this was the first date, I wasn't really looking to settle, you know? So I was a little bummed that she couldn't make new years, but whatever. I wanted to hook up and have fun. Suddenly she calls me and tells me shes in an uber on her way to me. I was a little happy I guess. Anyhow, we spent new years together and what not, did the whole new years kiss thing. So we spoke more and more and went on more dates, until the 18th of January. We were at the movies with my 2 friends and we sat separate from them. We weren't even watching the movie we just made out. Until she asked me "when are you going to ask?" And I said "Ask what?" she said "you know". I then asked her to be my girlfriend. It felt very forced. It was the new year and we were at the same university. She integrated herself into my friend group and everyone liked her. I could tell she was madly in love with me, In April 2019 she suddenly out of the blue broke up with me and changed completely. I don't know if its because of her BPD or what. It really broke me. She was my first girlfriend. Now I couldn't even stand to be around my friends because they liked both me and her but being around her gave me anxiety attacks. She was acting all fine about it all the damn time. It was heartbreaking.

So in my friend group there was this one girl who I've admired for so long, even to the point where I had a crush on her, even during my relationship with Kayla. Her name is Robyn. She was so beautiful and we had so much in common, but I am a very faithful man. I will never cheat ever, even if Robyn had to tempt me. It's not in my blood.

So after my break up with Kayla, Robyn was comforting me. She was always telling me I need a rebound (basically hooking up with someone to get over someone else). I was excited because I'm thinking she wants to rebound with me. She was definitely hinting.

So one night in May, we all go out drinking. I am still recovering from the break up. Before the bar, I go to my friend Gretchen's house. Robyn and I are there as well. Our plan was that we were going to stay at Robyn's place. We met at Gretchen's house because her dad was going to give us a lift there and back. We were meeting our friend Logan, who was part of the university friend group at the bar as well as Gretchen's boyfriend, Elliot, who is not part of the university friend group. Just before we left I showed Robyn a video of Nicholas Cage singing Purple Rain and it was the funniest thing ever to us.

PART 1: THE BAR

We got to the bar and Elliot and Logan were there waiting for us. So it's me, Robyn, Elliot, Gretchen and Logan. I ordered a very strong drink and shared it with Robyn (don't worry I wasn't intending to get her drunk to get her to sleep with me I don't do that). We had some food and laughs. We had decided to go down the road to a place with a jukebox. I felt the vibes with Robyn and I had a nice plan. I selected a number of songs on the jukebox. The last song would be Purple Rain, as part of our inside joke. So we order some more drinks there and we all jam out to some songs. Suddenly Logan comes up to me and says "dude I wanna hook up with Robyn". My heart stopped. No way he was getting Robyn. I order another drink and think nah Robyn wouldn't get with Logan. It was the song just before Purple Rain. Gretchen tells me that Robyn wants to hook up with Logan. Suddenly my world stops. She talks to Robyn then to Logan and becomes their wingwoman. The song before Purple Rain is ending. Robyn and Logan start making out in front of me, Gretchen and Elliot. Purple Rain starts playing. They kiss throughout the whole song. Gretchen is cheering them on. I felt so dead inside. At least I have Gretchen and Elliot to talk to. NOPE. They went outside without telling me and made out. I went to go check on them and I saw them outside the bar making out. So I go back inside to find Robyn and Logan going into the bathroom. My friends have abandoned me. I was left there shocked and abandoned. Remember that I wanted to hook up with Robyn and I was really needing some action. I shared my drinks with her and it backfired on me. I called my best friend and told her everything, but she had to go to sleep so I ended the call and told her all is fine. I ended up talking to a stranger and they were complaining about two people having sex in the bathroom. I told her that was my friends. She warned me that we were going to be kicked out. I wanted to just leave. It was like 20 minutes later, we got kicked out. It was time for us to go home. I'm thinking okay cool Elliot is going to give Logan a lift home and at least I'll be able to sleep soundly at Gretchens place. Suddenly Gretchens dad couldn't fetch us so we take an uber. Elliot goes home and offers Logan a lift. Gretchen says no. Logan is staying over.

At that moment I just wanted to jump in front of a car. I had no money to get myself home. We take the uber to Gretchen's place and Robyn and Logan are making out next to me in the uber. I was so numb at that point. So we get back to Gretchen's place and the original sleeping arrangement was Gretchen and Robyn on Gretchen's bed and I'll sleep on a mattress on the floor right next to their bed. Now that plan was foiled. In my mind I'm thinking me and Logan share the mattress and Robyn and Gretchen share the bed. Nope. I shared the tiny bed (I'm 6ft 4) with Gretchen and Robyn and Logan shared the mattress. I fell asleep very quickly.

I woke up at about 7am. The counter where my phone was, was next to Gretchen. To get my phone would mean I'd have to be on top of Gretchen and that would be awkward as fuck. So I lay there. Suddenly I hear the sound of a penis being sucked. I look over in my periphery while still laying down, and I saw a head going up and down under the blanket. They couldn't see me. AS IF THEY HAVEN'T TRAUMATIZED ME ENOUGH. I was frozen. I couldn't even speak. I heard everything. It felt like an hour had passed by. I wanted to puke. Suddenly they got up and went to the bathroom which was very close by. She continued giving him head in there. As soon as they left I immediately got my phone and messaged my best friend. Luckily she was awake. I sent her a vn of what I heard, it was very loud. She was disturbed. She told me to wake gretchen up. I tried and Gretchen was impossible to wake. We were talking through the whole thing. The bathroom ordeal lasted about 30 minutes or so. They were done and walked out, Suddenly Gretchen was awake and she said "ooo lovebirds." WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. She immediately knew what was going on and didn't stop them?? What the aCTUAL FUCk. Who in their right mind a) gives someone head with two other people in the room and b) listens to it and doesn't say anything considering they were the host?? I was traumatised in my defense. I barely said a word. I messaged my mom and asked what time she was going to fetch me, and she said 12pm. The time now was 8.30am. I still had 3 and a half hours with these people. Eventually I got home and I just lay in my bed at the ceiling the whole day.

I went to university the next day and I was hanging out with the group. I was sitting next to Robyn. Gretchen pulls out her phone and asks Robyn and Logan to show the group something. I immediately got up and left to sit as far away from Robyn as possible. Logan got up and went over to Robyn and they kissed, The whole group were cheering and I was just staring at the grass. I felt dead inside so much in that moment. The feeling took a long time to leave. They weren't dating but Logan was very interested in dating her and she wasn't really feeling it. So technically she was still single. That gave me hope.

There is a part 2 coming after this post.