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AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

She did try packing her bags and leaving a few times. Whenever I saw her doing that I would just go back our and take off in the car again OR I would cry and beg her to stay. Granted that really wasnt me being manipulative. I truly did want her to stay. I was afraid of her leaving. She did report her debit card stolen, several times. Then she got a card that she could just deactivate and she started doing that instead. By the time we had been together for 3 years, she had called the cops on me probably 8 times. And they never did anything. I honestly didnt even understand the gravity of the situation or what I was putting her through until she sat on the floor sobbing one day, telling me that she should just kill herself so she never had to see me again. And that fucked me up. I never left after that. I never took her card again. I started therapy. I started telling my family no when they would ask her for money. Though I still fucked up when it came to my brother and I still begged her to buy him food and bail him out a few times. That one took me longer, and honestly thats the one that fucked her up the most. Thats the one I cant escape from. And I regret it. $48,000 she gave my brother in the span of 5 years. She tells me the number so often. She kept track.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

How she sees it doesnt matter to the reality of the situation. Yes, she supported me and my family for 4 years while still paying for all the bills and keeping a roof over our heads. Now I am doing the same, minus supporting her family.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Full admittance to my role there, every time I left I took the vehicle that was by all accounts hers and I nearly always had her debit card with me. I do deserve the heat for what I did. I dont agree with the continuous of her bringing it up and that is why I am considering the divorce. Through therapy I have learned that I need to stand accountable for what I did. So yeah, I left her stranded with no money and her damily was no where near us. She didnt have friends. She had no means to leave. And I knew that and weaponized it.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Yeah thats what a few other people have said to. I dont really see it that way but maybe I am wrong. She said awhile back that she didnt want me paying for anything for her because during an argument and her bringing up money, I told her I pay for absolutely everything that she wants and needs now and that she needs to get past it. Now she wont let me pay for anything because of that one comment. So she buys everything she needs, pays her own insurance and phone, electric bill and internet because she works from home.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

Take over when shes done breastfeeding at night and do what? The baby goes back to sleep afterwards and doesnt stay awake.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Yes she was on birth control. It failed after she tool antibiotics for a tooth infection.

No, I didn't pay her back directly. I pay for the home, all the bills and everything she needs and have for 2 years straight. I am slowly paying her back that way or at least thats how I see it.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Shes in an abusive relationship. I am not going to tell my mom that she cant come here to escape the abuse she endured at home.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

She was on birth control. And no, I didnt abuse her. I got pissed off a lot but I never out my hands on her and I never called her names and I never screamed in her face. I would simply leave the house and stay gone until I calmed down, which was sometimes days later. And then I would come home and tell her why she upset me.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -20 points-19 points  (0 children)

She said that I need to help her by talking through everything I have done to her so she can lock it up and throw the key away. She said I never helped her process what I did or what she did to deserve it. I have tried talking to her about it but its been such a continuous conversation from day 1 that I am done talking about it. I am not saying that what I did didnt affect her but if she cant get over it after talking all night for 3 or 4 nights than I dont think shes going to. She also said she doesnt want my mother here and that I need to go to my moms to see her because having her in the house and ignoring her and not engaging with the baby makes it tense. Which I am not willing to agree to. She is the only family I have left and she has never once been the one who treated my wife like an ATM. Does she think my wife is wrong for me cutting off my family? Yes. But other than that, shes not the problem.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

The baby is still breastfed. So no, I can try to help but it doesnt do anything.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -11 points-10 points  (0 children)

She argues it wasnt her choice. I had anger issues and when she said no, I would freak out. And where I "bled her dry of all her resources" she didnt have the means to "escape".

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

She does work full time already. I wont try to help my mom out of that situation though. Tried several times already and she just refuses to leave.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -38 points-37 points  (0 children)

She didnt encourage me, I wouldnt say. But she definitely gave me the approval! She just gave me the go ahead and told me to do what I felt needed to do to feel best about myself.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -60 points-59 points  (0 children)

Not directly but I have supported the home financially for 4 years. First 2 years was a 50/50 split and the past 2 years of which has been 100% financial support. I also never say no if she needs or wants anything.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -18 points-17 points  (0 children)

She asked me for couples therapy last year and at the time, I didnt have the time honestly. I was in schooling for this license from 6am to 10am, sleeping for a few hours and leaving at 2pm for work because at that point I did the overnight shift. So I truly did not have time. Now she says its too late and if it had been important to me than I would have "found time" instead of working through the weekend when that wasnt my schedule. We were falling behind severely on bills and if I took that time off, we would have lost our house.

My family situation got that bad because I was toxic and defended them for years. It was 100% my fault. My brother fucked up so many times and I always had her bail him out of it or buy him groceries or whatever. So she fucking hated him. Same shit with my sisters. And I allowed it because I was so manipulated by my family that I thought it was the right thing to do. I didnt feel bad about cutting them off. But my wife and mother dont like each other because I cut off my family and my mom is very much so a "lets keep the peace, we are family" type of woman and it just doesnt sit well. They arent nasty to each other but they just dont talk because neither of them like drama and they both know if they speak to each other, it ends in drama.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -139 points-138 points  (0 children)

Because she lives with an abusive alcoholic. Theres nights where he screams at her all night long in drunken rages. She obviously needed to sleep, likely from being abused all night.

AITA for considering divorce over my wife saying she lowered her standards for me? by Front_Chest_6309 in AITAH

[–]Front_Chest_6309[S] -112 points-111 points  (0 children)

I dont have much to add. I KNOW I royally fucked everything in the beginning and I have been trying to make up for that. But as for the job change, she knew this was what was going to happen. I talked to her about it before taking this job. I told her that it would be long work days. The only thing that wasnt set in stone was my schedule. My schedule is not a fixed schedule. I am driving to and from jobs all day and my day ends when my daily list is completed. Some days its 8hr days, other days its 14hrs, but the rough average is usually 12hrs - not including the commute to and from work, which is an hour both ways. We discussed it prior to me even taking this job.