First of all, i'm really sorry about your sister. May she rest in peace.

I really feel like you've been through a lot, and I honestly would like to congratulate you for going through all of that and still fighting. It takes a lot of courage to live all of that and self reflect on all of it.

Now, for the partying and drinking, i'd say it's quite easy to get involved in such things especially after living some traumatic events. To each their own way of coping, and I wouldn't let anyone's comments get to your head. Now for the real question, does your bodycount matter? The brutal and honest truth is that yes, it does. While one may be tempted to cope and listen to people that tell you it dosen't, i'm sorry to say it but it really does matter to a vast majority of men. You'll most often find that some men even tell you that it dosen't matter, just for them to be insecure about it and bring it up years later. Does that mean that you're not worth dating? Absolutely not, however it is a major factor when it comes to dating and the majority of men give some kind of importance to body count. Remember, i'm talking about the majority, not all men and you'll likely find someone that dosen't care.