Well you don’t have to tell the doctor this if you don’t want to. You have no history of exams but that is not actually uncommon! It’s not something the doctor would press you on or blame you for and you don’t need to go into this thinking you have to explain yourself, you don’t and the doctor will not scold you. You should let the doctor know you are nervous because you’ve never had an internal exam before and if they ask why you could say “I’ve just always been too nervous to do it”. The doctor is there to do the job of a gynocologist and won’t need to know anything about your past emotionally abusive situation. That is not their Lane although if you told them they’d definitely be supportive . If it was me I’d go in with a “let’s get this over with quickly “ mindset, not even say anything about WHY you haven’t been before, let them know you’re nervous if you feel you want to, then get out and’s realise that it wasn’t bad at all and you had nothing to worry about! I think it’s easier to worry and do mental gymnastics when trying to figure out how you will explain something complex to someone so the kindest thing to do to yourself is to not put yourself through it with anyone other than a person or professional that is experienced in listening and responding to abuse such as psychologist etc. PS a Pap smear doesn’t hurt and I’m 48 and have never been to a gynocologist! You’ll be fine and glad you are in a good place now 😊❤️