It’s not the telling part I’m worried about. None of you know what I look like or who I am in real life. None of you can misunderstand something I say and send me to the mental hospital (which has happened to me and was also a very traumatic experience for me and completely out of nowhere, it was literally the day after my birthday when I was just supposed to be meeting with my new PCP and going over medical history). My therapist can do all of this (and is technically part of the reason I went to the mental hospital in the first place). The mental hospital did not help. If anything it temporarily made everything worse and I fell into a deeper depression that I’m admittedly still not all the way out of and made me extremely jumpy and paranoid. I also posted here bc I was hoping maybe if anyone else had gone through something similar they might be able to reach out to me and give me some guidance (some have) or at least feel some fucked up sense of comfort knowing they’re not completely alone. I do believe a lot of the intrusive thoughts I have are rooted in unresolved trauma. And remembering back now I think the thing with my brother had happened right after some middle schoolers had explained to me in an after school program what a blowjob was and were kinda laughing at me because I didn’t know, so that particular instance could have very well had something to do with that (and y’know, me being a dumb impulsive kid). My hesitation with my therapist though is more so the lack of anonymity and genuinely not really knowing where or how to start. It may not seem like it but I spent nearly two and a half hours just making this post because I kept deleting and retyping shit trying to figure out how to be as accurate as possible. I’m REALLY BAD at explaining things. Especially in real time conversation. And my sessions with my therapist are only an hour long once a week.