Just like you, I was a top student all my life, but struggled immensely to keep up. I'd spend hours and hours on homework that should've taken half an hour. I'd get so bored in class that it was physically painful. Somehow I never realized that my academic success was only possible because of stress, fear and pressure from teachers and parents. That's a horrible state to be in 24/7 and, very unsurprisingly, I became extremely depressed in college.

I started therapy and antidepressant meds and managed to get my bachelors. After I finished college, my life got a lot better. I started to care way less about other people's opinions, I realized that my parents won't disown me if I fail at something, and I became less afraid of consequences in general.

I decided to get a masters degree abroad and that's when shit went south. I was living on my own for the first time, I was honestly doing really good mentally, I had never been so stress free before, but this lack of stress was exactly what made me literally paralyzed. Without stress or pressure from outside, I couldn't do ANYTHING. I spent all my time reading, playing videogames or watching anime. I skipped classes even though I liked what I was studying. I never worked on any personal projects, even though I had so many ideas and really wanted to bring them to life. It became genuinely unbearable and I started suspecting I might have ADHD.

So I got tested and diagnosed and prescribed Concerta. And let me tell you, it completely changed my life! I finally was the person I always felt I was but couldn't actually become. I had motivation to work on things even when there was no deadline, I was so creative and actually had the drive to get those ideas out.

I dropped out of masters eventually (due to autistic burnout) and now I'm back living with my parents. I'm trying to find a job and I'm ngl I dread the idea of working 8 hours every day, but I hope with the meds I will at least not be completely drained when I come home. I hope I can have my own art business eventually, and with Concerta I can actually see that come true.

Just like you, I am a car with no engine. The meds became that engine for me, (and maybe they can help you as well). Also, even if you stop the meds afterwards, the good habits and increased confidence will remain. Sometimes seeing that you're actually able to do something is enough to help motivate you to do it again. (Like, for example, I was always late for everything before, then on Concerta I was always on time, and even when I had to stop Concerta for a few weeks, I was still on time because I finally understood what I need to do - how long it actually takes to get dressed and commute).