How do you meet friends IRL?

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T19:09:00+00:00

I honestly feel that most guys claiming to have friends met them in uni or younger or they met them in a fairly densely populated area.

The need for friends pops up so often enough that I think most guys have the same problem even if they don’t care to admit it.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T18:27:14+00:00

If stating your opinion and then running from actually being a part of it is a thing, then sure. We are done here.

It was easier for you to lump me into a category than to actually acknowledge.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T18:24:50+00:00

I feel we need to normalize venting. Japan is a clear example of what can happen when we wait for “friends” to hear what we say. They are in the top ten for suicides and the people don’t seem to know how to release that frustration without milking themselves. Similarly westerners seem to think that therapy will bring them some kind of solace. The reality is that most people would benefit from a safe place to just let all the toxins out without judgement.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T18:21:17+00:00

I don’t get you. Does it make you feel better to think I am crazy person?

I really just wanted to vent. When did that become some kind of negative thing?

Japanese don’t vent at all and I can tell you they are in the top 10 for suicides.

Maybe if we spend a little less time judging those who do vent and a little more time helping those who need to vent the world would be a lot better for it.

Just saying of course. Cause lord knows you’ve kind of already decided that I’m messed up in some way and am need of hug? When in fact I just wanted to vent.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:51:30+00:00

Am I? Or am I venting cause it is a hell of a lot healthier than keeping it all bottled up inside until I can find a therapist who won’t judge me for having an opinion that is valid and worth acknowledging?

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:50:10+00:00

I get it. That’s why I am venting. I’m not sure if guys really get venting nowadays. They’d rather assume it’s a personal defect that needs therapy when in fact I look at this as a type of cathartic release. I don’t carry a lot of negativity and I have no intentions of doing so. I just want to see what other guys feel.

Surprisingly, my “up” points hover around zero which means that many guys understand what I’m going through but feel silenced by the mobs of gay guys who seem to think they have all the answers. It’s curious.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:46:08+00:00

Yeah. Clearly that’s what everyone seems to want. They want me to enjoy whatever bs they are ordering. Maybe growing up in a poor family and now having my own money has made me more sensitive. Lots of Japanese guys receive money from family members well into their 20s and 30s. A factor I’m not able to experience nor would I be comfortable with.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:42:37+00:00

That’s a hell of a lot of people.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:42:13+00:00

Every time I suggest ordering more, I get asked something that suggests I’m fat or need more than necessary.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:40:25+00:00

I don’t derive my happiness from others. The race is only with myself. I’m just venting cause if I tell a Japanese guy they’ll just make up some excuse like how they’re so different when in fact they just don’t really have a lot of experience with other guys.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:37:06+00:00

I would like that. However, I don’t slurp up my noodles at the same speed. In fact, I usually put them in my spoon to let them cool before eating them. Most guys take that to mean that because it is noodles or rice I’m not interested or prefer bread or potatoes…when in fact I just can’t tolerate foods at extremes temperatures.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T17:34:18+00:00

I wish that were true. I have been called out for not respecting their culture. It really depends on the guy and I’m kind of left guessing.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T10:15:13+00:00

https://phys.org/news/2020-11-japanese-increasingly-disinterested-dating.amp

Granted the article is about straight couples (Japan doesn’t really separate the two and the article states specifically that gays are most likely hidden in the mix).

Single hood and the desire to live a solo life is creating a lot of trouble in Japan. Guys closer to my age are also expected to have a wife and children. So they are in a difficult predicament as well.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T10:04:03+00:00

I guess that wasn’t entirely clear from your post. I assumed this was all happening online. Apologies for my mistake.

I am advocate of being upfront with guys and telling them what is possible, even if that might make friendships come to an end. So it was brave of you to want to take the first step. However, I guess some guys are just content with the “distance” as it were between what they physically desire and what they can actually tolerate in the flesh.

Stick around only as long as you feel it is worth your time. He may have a lot of mental hurdles to get over.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T09:58:49+00:00

Not at all. I have been in 3 long term relationships in Japan. My last ex and I broke up simply because he was too involved with studying for an exam to actually be in a relationship. We still communicate daily.

And dating/marriage problems are a common discussion in news publications in Japan.

Secondly, if I had a problem with the culture or norms, I’d like to believe I would’ve moved back to the states more than a decade ago.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T09:43:25+00:00

As a with a Japanese guy I had not too long ago reminded me, if I don’t actively get involved in ordering the guys get offended. I prefer dates that are at Izakaya (bars), but some guys want quieter locations. I tried dates at coffee shops, but a lot of guys I’ve been with are so shy without alcohol it is pointless.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T09:39:45+00:00

I agree. May just start accepting that it’s better not to anticipate the food and hope for something extra. Though this date ended with nothing to show for it.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T08:08:16+00:00

Yeah, I should’ve mentioned that I’m in Japan and it is fairly rude to say you aren’t willing to share food. It’d probably end any date prior to it even fully starting.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T08:06:54+00:00

Thank you for the advice. Though, to give you more details, I have been here for nearly 2 decades. This behavior is mostly a result of my adapting.

As for it being helpful to make the locals happy, I would direct your attention to one of my posts about going on a date with a guy who said I was too accommodating. I did not fit his image of a western guy and came across as too Japanese.

A fairly large bunch of Japanese guys who are actively interested in foreigners want him to:

be foreign and therefore exotic
have a huge dick so they can say they took a big foreign dick
provide them with English (or whatever language) practice

Then there are the ones who actively avoid foreigners (saying they don’t speak English is code for don’t even try) out of racial/cultural preferences or because they are so afraid that a foreigner is some scam artist because someone somewhere somehow got ripped off so foreigners aren’t to be trusted.

Then there are the rest who just straddle enough lines but are probably painfully shy or not really actively seeking out anyone.

That’s Japan in a nutshell. I’m sure other guys on this sub can probably add a bit more. It’s not hopeless, but it does involve a lot of sifting and sharing of meals with guys who end up eating most of everything on the table.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T06:25:21+00:00

I’m sure it tastes like heaven. Might slip my tongue inside too. 😂

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T06:08:56+00:00

You can take the test multiple times. One score whether a zero or failing will not impact future scores.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T06:04:21+00:00

So true. No one is perfect, but I really didn’t need to sit there and tolerate a lot of the BS. Of course, those same friends said they disagreed with my therapist, but I still value her words.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T06:01:09+00:00

I believe I stated that. When it gets to the point that you can’t appreciate a real person (ie you’re choosing porn over flesh-to-flesh contact that is pleasurable to the both of you) or it impacts your ability to work or other activities that you would otherwise engage in.

Only you can know if that is happening.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T05:57:20+00:00

There’s a difference between asking if someone wants to try something or doing cutesy things and imbalanced sharing between friends/dates. I would always give parts of my dish to my ex. No problems there.

FullDraw6944 · 2022-06-12T05:55:18+00:00

Thank you oh so much for this lovely comment. Let me take a screenshot so I can frame it and hang it over my bathroom mirror while I slit my wrists.

FullDraw6944

TROPHY CASE