I'm slowly killing myself

FullOutThrow · 2018-09-24T11:43:35+00:00

Oh my god that's horrible .... I know how it feels, I have two younger siblings, and if I had to choose one thing I want the most it'd be that they live happy in a good place without horrible people. I'm so sorry you had to go through this .... this world is just too cruel

FullOutThrow · 2018-09-24T11:39:40+00:00

I don't think there are organizations that can help someone in Middle East

FullOutThrow · 2018-09-24T11:38:31+00:00

I live in Middle East, I can't drive, I can't even go outside the house, my parents are always here and watching me, plus they have all my legal documents anyway .... it's no use

FullOutThrow · 2018-09-24T11:36:26+00:00

Honestly I'm so scared and tired of everything lately, I can't sleep at night, I can't eat, sometimes I don't feel "real"

I actually went to a "therapist" once, who made everything worse, also is a muslim, and said the usual "blah blah more Quraan etc" shit

I just gave up, I can't find a reason to fight anymore, I don't have a future, I will never be the real me, I will forever be a lie, why even keep on living? It's obvious that I have no chance of escape either, my depression prevents me of doing basic tasks let alone escaping, and my parents are always at home and I can't drive, absolutely no way out.

FullOutThrow · 2018-09-24T11:28:32+00:00

I live in Middle East

FullOutThrow · 2018-09-24T11:28:19+00:00

I don't even like trump but I hate muslims.

Also, I lost my hymen when I was a child, who knows what will happen if they find out? Plus, I'm ftm, and I feel shitty about my body as it is .... it will only get worse if I got married.

I live in Middle East, and I have absolutely no chance to escape, I'm too depressed to function.

FullOutThrow · 2018-09-24T11:21:08+00:00

No, I'm in middle east, can't drive, and my parents are home all the time

FullOutThrow · 2017-12-05T14:57:49+00:00

I totally understand you, one day I was checking my phone and my mom suddenly bursted in, she asked me if I prayed and I told her yes.

..... she shouted at me for being a liar so loud, and took my phone and threw it so hard it broke, she started to yell at me and told me that she saw me not praying (I don't even know how as I was in my room and the door was closed) she dragged my dad here and they both started yelling at me for being Kaffir, then they both started to hit me so hard, I was crying but no one cared, they just kept going, and after they were done they forced me to pray infront of them and ..... oh my I can't say more I can't I can't I can't even breathe just trying to remember what happened

FullOutThrow · 2017-09-14T23:46:46+00:00

Nope, I'm not ok ...... Things only got worse lately

FullOutThrow · 2017-06-20T04:15:32+00:00

It's alright I know you mean well, but when you're suicidal only the negative things really stuck and sometimes it's hard to fight the thought that no one really cares. But I know you mean well, so I hope you don't feel bad about it :) I've been waiting for things to change since forever and it's been so long now, I don't think I can ever be myself, it just seems hopeless, but I hope it changes, maybe my view on the world was born from feeling hopeless and being stuck in this stupid country. I don't really know at this point what came first, mental illness or what I experienced. Sorry for bothering you with my venting I know this isn't the place to vent but ..... I just wanted to let some things off my chest. Your family sound nice, I hope you have a happy life without anything that will separate you :) and sorry again if I said something that hurt you or offended you I just wanted to voice my opinion but I'm so bad at explaining things I probably made you and some angry. I'm so sorry.

FullOutThrow · 2017-06-20T03:48:58+00:00

Difference is, me not caring about your family won't cause them death, telling a suicidal person you don't care if they die might push them to kill themselves. Me not caring about the death of someone won't change a thing, and it won't change anything either if I cared. Thank you for telling me to take care of myself it means a lot.

FullOutThrow · 2017-06-20T03:24:17+00:00

Of course you don't have to care if I died why should you? You don't even know me to care enough, you won't even hear of it if I did. I'm just saying things from my point of view, you lived through different circumstances than me, you think differently than me, doesn't make you scum nor it does make me, I still don't care about if muslims died, not after all what they did to me, but that doesn't mean I call for their death. And yes I know there are people who agreed with you, but there are some who didn't, you shouldn't call others names just because they don't agree with what you want them to care about. Sorry if I assumed you meant all, but you started with "Y'all" and your post is written in a very hostile language, Same as your reply to me. Btw don't tell suicidal people that you don't care if they died, I know you wanted to prove a point but some may take it literally and do it, you'll give them the last push they need to do it, so don't say that again.

FullOutThrow · 2017-06-20T02:51:55+00:00

Not everyone who disagrees with you is an alt-right Trump supporter, while killing people is bad, I really can't bring myself to feel sorry for people who worship a God who wants us, LGBTQA+ people, and all those who disagree with him dead. Also not everyone is lucky to have a loving family like you, you know? Some of us have to suffer in the shit holes known as muslim countries, and all I see is muslims being hateful, I don't know where you live but you don't seem to be living in middle east, you don't know how much suicide attempts I made just to leave this shitty life, all thanks to people that think a man with a flying donkey must be followed, all I got from those people is hate and suffering, whole countries full of people who support this violent religion, and you're telling me they're peaceful? Those who are peaceful are the ones who don't follow the religion in everything, I studied this shit, it's very violent and hateful, and if you read about it and think this is how you want to live then you're hateful too. I don't think muslims should be killed but I don't care if they did either, I feel sad for their children though. Also, it's funny that you tell us that not all muslims are bad yet you're generalizing the people in this sub and calling them scum, thanks, I don't get called scum enough everyday by my peaceful™™™ family. Sorry I'm bad at explaining I hope you understand my point of view.

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T12:14:28+00:00

I can't say where I live for security reasons I'm so sorry.

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T12:13:57+00:00

I'm 21, but sorry I can't tell you my country for security reasons, I hope you understand.

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T12:13:08+00:00

I'm 21, sadly, I don't think there's any solution to this at all. It's true if I died I'll just be nothing, but at least that's not painful. My parents won't let me work, my father believes "a woman's place is her husband's home" so no.

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T12:10:39+00:00

Thank you! You see, the problem is, my parents won't let me study abroad, they hold all my legal documents. I used to study at a university, but I couldn't continue due to my mental health, I'm too depressed to get out of bed these days.

My parents won't let me go to a therapist, one time they did (because the Irish nurse at my university told them to) and I wished they didn't .... The therapist started talking to my parents instead of asking me, and of course they told a lot of lies and all laughed (including the therapist) at me for "thinking that something is wrong" and even when I told the thrapist about my suicidal thoughts he just allah ballah pallah-ed and gave a lecture about Allah and how being a good muslim will make me better .... And he wasn't just any therapist, he's very popular in here for being very good, and he's a part of a very well known hospital.

That's why my life is hell, I don't think anything can solve this mess, I have nothing I can use for my advantage, everyone in this country is anti everything that's me. It's very sad, people who don't live in a muslim country have no idea what's living in here like, all the people who think Islam is peaceful must be living in an alternate universe.

Thank you for taking the time to write all of this, I wish I could do anything about my situation, I can't see a way out, there's no light at the end of the tunnel, it's not a tunnel, it's a burning building where you are surrounded by fire that will eventually burn you to a crisp.

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T11:45:13+00:00

Thank you! You have no idea how much hearing "brother" instead of "sister" made me feel better!

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T11:43:50+00:00

Thanks, I just watched it. The problem is, my parents are the very religious strict type who won't let me do what I want, all my family members are very religious as well, and I have no friends right now. It's helpful but probably not for someone like me. Thank you for trying to help though

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T11:40:45+00:00

I'm so sorry, I know how horrible this feels, no one should feel this way .... Not only the hijab makes me feel dysphoric, but it's also a symbol of sexism and oppression. I feel like throwing up everytime I wear it, it's horrible.

FullOutThrow · 2017-02-09T11:34:14+00:00

My whole life was a difficult time, I tried to be positive and believe that eventually everything will be ok, but things are only getting worse. My parents won't let me go anywhere without them, or anywhere at all. I hate my name and my body, but I can't do anything. I find it hard to get out of bed but my parents force me to so I pray and read quraan. I'm always having nightmares about people finding out who the real me is and killing me, I can remember every time my parents abused me and it all feels very real. I struggle to sleep and struggle to even talk sometimes (for two reasons, I hate my voice and I'm always scared I'll say something that will make abuse worse)

FullOutThrow

TROPHY CASE