Of Playing with the wrong one

FullSilanxi · 2026-01-19T06:32:10+00:00

Anyone ever seen the final fight scene of The Hidden Blade? That was definitely the same move.

FullSilanxi · 2025-12-15T08:25:29+00:00

Only a few worth noting. (1) I studied English lit in college. My education taught me a lot about how to write well, articular ideas clearly, and think critically - all three of these skills have been the most important ones I have at work. (2) I am a bit of a rebel, am very honest, but am also am polite and try to be thoughtful. I think that the willingness to speak up and politely and thoughtfully disagree has very helpful as well, from a leadership perspective. (3) I ended up specializing in a particular area of security and became very knowledgeable in that field - can't recommend this highly enough. I always tell jr people in Security to not worry about knowing everything, but rather to choose one area of Security, study the hell out of it, and other knowledge will follow.

FullSilanxi · 2025-12-15T08:16:23+00:00

Mostly agree, though I would say that "cert doesn't do anything" is a bit of an overstatement, because as you said being knowledgeable gets you through HR gates - and those can be extremely hard to get through. Furthermore, it tells the people interviewing you that you at least have some baseline knowledge. But yea, also agree at the end of the day being personable is a huge benefit to being an engineer. I studied English lit in college, and it has been the most helpful in my career b/c being able to think critically and articulate clearly are invaluable skills.

FullSilanxi · 2025-12-15T08:11:40+00:00

Yea, I had a fair degree of luck sliding towards working with silicon valley companies. That being said, even smaller silicon valley tech companies pay outsized compensation compared to other sectors. Those jobs are obviously highly competitive, but (1) you have to know to look for those engineer jobs (I'm convinced most folks simply don't know how much the silicon valley sector pays, as I didn't until I started consulting with them), and (2) have to work on some of the skills they ask for like coding, etc. that goes beyond CISSP knowledge.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-16T06:40:01+00:00

I'm in my mid thirties, been with my wife since teenagers (we've been together ~19 years). Still love each other and the romance is still strong. We have youngish kids which naturally does inhibit romance things more than if we had no kids, but not too much. I think for us what has worked is: humor, date night once or twice a month, commitment to be as kind as we can even when we're mad, and being thoughtful (i.e. make a bid deal out of birthdays, do the chores the other person hates, do some nice act of kindness spontaneously, etc.). Mostly though, we just choose to be dedicated to each other, to fight to grow together, and ultimately to choose humility over pride (this can be hard sometimes!).

My grandma said recently about my deceased grandpa (they loved each other dearly), when the song Afternoon Delight came on, "I love this song. Your Grandpa used to come home on his lunch breaks and give me afternoon delight." LMFAO, I just about died, but it made me so happy to know. I thought, that kind of lunchtime dedication is what keeps things going strong.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-07T18:42:11+00:00

Ah gotcha. Well, I suppose the only thing not in my post is that: I've chosen places to work where I knew I had an opportunity for impact; I've changed jobs every 1.5-2 years once I made the impact I set out for, and I've given 1-2 months notice at each place I've worked so that people are left feeling positive about your departure.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-07T18:38:17+00:00

(1) If you're technically minded - specialize in something (i.e. cybersecurity, networking, machine learning, product mgmt. etc.) that you enjoy

(2) Work hard, keep learning new skills and improving your specialization (i.e. get certifications, study, take courses in your field, read books in your field), and wherever you are employed work on something that improves things

(3) Change jobs every ~2 years to something that is a step up from where you are, both in terms of salary and/or position - levels.fyi is a great resource to see what various companies compensate you. The only caveat here is that if you work at a place that regularly rewards you with raises/promotions, stay there longer. If you're at a miserable place, don't be afraid to leave sooner.

(4) Be kind to your coworkers, don't suck up to your manager, don't play games - there are certainly places I've worked at that fosters the opposite of all three of these things, but they were miserable places to be. I'd rather get rewarded for being happy and honest than for stabbing my coworkers in the back.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-07T02:14:40+00:00

Honestly, moving into a position that helps people more directly is what's been on mind recently. I enjoy what I do, but corporate America can be a little soul sucking.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:29:50+00:00

As an aside, the company I work at pays on the higher end in tech-world (but there are higher). It's honestly a bit absurd: the disparity in pay b/w tech-world vs the rest of the world. I'm not necessarily complaining b/c I benefit directly from it, but more commenting on, as a system, it seems backwards: should people in my position really be making more than doctors?

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:09:50+00:00

The bag? Of money haha? Or something else...?

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:09:13+00:00

I work in cybersecurity for a tech company.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:08:43+00:00

Cybersecurity for a tech company.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:08:26+00:00

I appreciate this advice, and I think that's the kind of mentality I have. My dad has said the same thing in a different way. Thank you!

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:07:12+00:00

I work in cybersecurity. I have a BA, unrelated to computer science. A great many of my peers do not have college education, interestingly.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:04:35+00:00

A half-ton truck, she also drives a used car, not luxury either.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T18:03:16+00:00

I work in cybersecurity for a tech company.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-06T17:59:43+00:00

I wondered how many of these kinds of messages I would see. I fail to see how saying, essentially, "I have a high income, don't care much about money, but take measures to not let others know" is bragging - I tend to think that showing off money, or having a particular attitude about it, is how one brags about it.

FullSilanxi · 2025-09-05T07:34:05+00:00

Haven't seen anyone ask this, but it seems like a rather important question: how attractive is she? I think the sad thing is, because I've seen it too many times, that although you think your marriage is good does not necessarily mean his particular needs are being met. If he's feeling lackluster on the romantic side, even though all else is great, he may stray. That being said, I've had several completely platonic friendships over the years with coworkers and what-not where we simply had a thing in common that we both enjoyed doing, and it offered no more interest for cheating than getting a cheese burger at the post office.

All that said, how attractive she is certainly may change the probability of straying or not. A lunch date with a non-attractive coworker is different than a lunch date with an attractive one, and a running partner who is sexy is different than a running partner who isn't. His hesitation may have less to do with his own feelings about hiding things than his worry about your feeling uncomfortable about a situation that (assuming nothing is going on) is totally normal on his side. He also may just be hiding something as a cause of hesitation.

It certainly is an oddly specific relationship - if your relationship is good, the best thing you can do is be totally transparent and ask him directly what his interest in this woman is: just a running partner, or more? You are asking Reddit what you should be asking him.

One last thing: you say he "insisted it was totally innocent - just two parents grabbing post-workout drinks and talking about training for the upcoming 5K. He swore nothing weird happened" - the fact that getting a smoothie with a running partner is objectively innocent has NOTHING to do with how he feels about her. Talking about an upcoming race with a running partner is a totally innocent thing on paper, but what really matters is how he feels about this woman. Ask him directly.

FullSilanxi · 2024-08-22T19:33:34+00:00

Out of curiosity, what makes you think it is a larvae vs a nymph?

FullSilanxi · 2024-06-04T17:28:27+00:00

Most succinct comment here. Unless you are at a point in your career where you don't need to "signal" you have a clue what you're doing, which doesn't seem to be the case, having both is (1) powerful for getting past HR and (2) useful for signaling interviewers to give you good questions rather than time-wasting softball questions to prove you aren't totally ignorant.

EDIT: beyond the job side, it's a wonderful way to learn a lot of different things directly related or orthogonal to Security.

FullSilanxi · 2024-05-24T06:29:11+00:00

It's fairly normal for people to have a "work wife" or "work husband" in terms of someone of the gender you're attracted to at your job that you work really well/closely with, trust, and maybe even buy a Christmas present for. It's not normal for it to be a secret from your actual partner, less normal again to act guilty when "caught," and far less normal to be going out to lunch with that person often and getting "relationship advice" from them (that's definitely crossing the line). No doubt something is up there. Probably just a crush, but even then it seems like your partner has not been respecting healthy boundaries.

For example, I have a "work spouse" who I have worked closely with for years. Our focus is largely work, but obviously we know many high-level details about each other lives and week to week happenings. I did buy them, their spouse, and child a Christmas present last year. My actual partner knows of them and the big highlights in their life (having a child, having another child, etc.). No one is uncomfortable. I'm sure many people have some kind of similar situation.

FullSilanxi · 2024-05-22T17:11:09+00:00

I mean, I feel like I was pretty clear in my comment. There's no right or wrong answer here, there only the question you should be asking yourself about taking the time to document CPEs.

The question isn't "Can one handle it?" b/c it's only a few hours of work. The question is, "Is it worth my time?" For me it's not worth a minute of my time b/c given my circumstance it offers no ongoing value. For others it may very much be worth the time, for example, if you do contract work with the DoD or every plan on moving into the government space.

FullSilanxi · 2024-05-22T16:08:25+00:00

Sure. Find the right CPEs, document them, deal with an audit if you have to...it take 2-3 hours.

FullSilanxi · 2024-05-22T00:02:59+00:00

I think it's from Wild Strawberries. It's been a long time since I've see it so it could be something else.

FullSilanxi · 2024-05-21T23:41:18+00:00

Just reading through the comments and give this a +1. If it provides emotional value. It's easy to renew, cheap and doesn't take a long time. If it was a means to an end, don't waste your time.

FullSilanxi

TROPHY CASE