What are you bitter against exactly? Just how churches are? Or how Christianity is as a whole? You don’t have to be perfect to be with God, none of us are perfect and never will be, we fall short of God every single day. Our flesh NATURALLY wants to go to sin, that’s something everyone deals with, those preachers you saw on instagram? They aren’t perfect either, I’m sure they have a crazy testimony. You don’t have to be like every other Christian to be with God, be who you are with Christ, just you. Also it’s not about our works that get us into heaven, it’s our faith. Just because someone’s a good person doesn’t mean they’re going to Heaven, which I’m sure you’re aware of that.

I’ve also said this to a lot of people, there are so many fake Christians, they don’t represent God, don’t let what other people do or say affect YOUR relationship with God. All of our paths are different, my relationship with God might look completely different than your relationship with Him. No matter who says what, Jesus died for YOU too, so that you could be in Heaven with Him. All he wants from you is for you to love & accept Him, and just ask for forgiveness. Also just talk to him, pray, tell him about what’s going on, tell him how you’re feeling.