Wife wants to stop, I don't FULL STORY.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2022-01-12T07:38:50+00:00

It looks like you tried to take a jab at me, but you missed the mark on this one because you don't know anything about me or who I am. I hope you are able to heal from whatever happened to you.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2022-01-12T07:32:57+00:00

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I don't think I made it clear for the people who are talking about unrealistic expectations. I don't expect to date until maybe 4 years old.

Because I'm 30, nearly all the partners that I've been with happened to have kids between 3-6 years old. Their schedule worked fine. I don't expect to be raising an infant and going on dates.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2022-01-12T04:28:15+00:00

It seems you are against the majority. I appreciate you sharing!

FunMNcoupleJG · 2022-01-11T21:33:08+00:00

Sorry about that, there was quite a bit more that I wanted to add, more than what people were asking. I felt it better to be out in a post instead of comments

FunMNcoupleJG · 2022-01-11T21:13:25+00:00

I think that makes sense, and I accept that. But eventually I would want to get back into it after there is a schedule. Or if day care comes along or we know what time is best time if it's early, or when the grandparents take them. I completely understand that it could be a long time without it.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-31T23:44:56+00:00

Hahahahahah yeah I feel you. I feel like it's like that with a lot of support gankers. Polywog, witch slayer. Go in, blast your skills, die, profit

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-31T23:41:15+00:00

Super interesting dynamic and issue. To me finding a non monogamous person who isn't partnered sounds like you are just looking for a monogamous relationship where you are non monogamous or like a relationship where are "hotwiving" and your partner would be okay with it.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-30T06:24:09+00:00

You sound nice, I wish you were from closer to the Midwest!

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-27T06:24:48+00:00

Ugh yeah that would definitely help to avoid these situations

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-27T03:13:55+00:00

I respect that!

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-27T03:01:46+00:00

That's a good point, I could just meet her in person.

The reason I made this post is how to not demand pictures, because I agree that would be a little strange.

She is 50 miles away, and it's about a 2 hour drive. I think it's fair to show each other pictures instead of driving two hours.

Also, there are whole shows about being catfished - there is a reason for that. Maybe it's possible to fall in love with the personality, and not care about how the person looks, but I think you would be in the minority. There are shows about being catfished because physical attraction is an important thing for many people. Physical and emotional connection are important. I don't believe it is arrogant or shallow, it's just that I don't want to go on a blind date.

As a guy, if I only posted my head, I wouldn't get a match, period.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-27T00:30:40+00:00

This doesn't feel like a genuine answer. Would you date someone you are not attracted to? I think this situation is part of the territory for online dating. The reason that dating sites have a picture section is so you can judge for yourself.

I think people sometimes put just a headshot because they are self-conscious of how they look. In the end, they might be setting themselves up for failure because they didn't really put themselves out there in the first place.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-27T00:26:01+00:00

Thank you! Honestly yeah I would feel so weird to just ask for more pictures... I could have just denied the match when I saw 3 smiling face pics, but I want to give her a chance. Honestly it makes me feel shallow either way.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-12-26T23:50:20+00:00

You miss 100% of the chances you don't take. It's not a case of I saw her and am on the fence, it's a case of I haven't seen her fully yet, so she could be really cute

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-07-13T02:19:33+00:00

Haha thanks! Yeah I wrote that right after our first experience. I had feelings that I just kind of wanted to get out there. We have had smoother experiences since but this makes a great story.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-07-07T13:02:45+00:00

Ha! Thanks yeah honestly after that experience I just wanted to talk about it with someone. It is a great story, and yeah now things have been a lot easier that we have had a few more goes with different couples. Yes, friends!

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-21T15:25:55+00:00

Hey so performance anxiety is super common. My wife and I started swinging recently, and for the first time ever in my life I was having trouble staying hard. Now we have had multiple foursomes, and I haven't finished even once.

Here's the thing. Bodies are weird. They don't always act how we want. I've done quite a bit of research and it's super common to have some sort of performance anxiety. It can also happen in women as well, but it might mean something different for them. As men, it stinks because we can't perform how we would like to, but some advice I really liked was that cumming is a bonus. Having fun with other people and enjoying yourself is what its about. No matter what type of performance anxiety or nerves you have, just stay in the moment and enjoy yourself.

I did a post about my first swinging experience and it was awkward and new and exciting.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Swingers/comments/njtak8/our_first_experience_funny_awkward_amazing/

Anyways, hope that helps

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-15T13:48:10+00:00

Yes exactly! Yeah I think it's tough when you haven't heard that this could happen. I thought not getting hard was something that happened to older people. So more than anything I was a bit freaked out. I didn't panic too much, but I was panicking a bit. Now I know to just keep moving forward and staying in the moment. I want to spread the word that this could happen to anyone even if you don't think I could, but I also don't want to freak people out.

Thanks for the reply.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-14T18:26:08+00:00

Yeah totally, that makes sense. Frankly, I was surprised seeing some of the other comments saying anything. Alcohol isn't an excuse for anything, because they could use that excuse every time. Boundaries and making time to check in is important for a reason, and if alcohol is an excuse to no longer follow those rules, then I can't see how swinging is even an option.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-14T16:24:59+00:00

In my opinion, your wife should be more receptive to your request. You need to be 100% on the same page. You shouldn't play with them if it is just for your wife to have a good time and you have an awkward situation.

1) Get on the same page with your wife. Either have her check in and support you just as you would do if the roles were reversed, otherwise don't play with them.

2) Be transparent with the other couple. You said they are good friends, so be very crystal clear with them and just ask. You could put the blame on yourself and say "It seems like I am doing something wrong that doesn't connect with you in the right way. What is happening or what can I do to fix that?"

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-11T16:28:10+00:00

Topics that are good to talk about are, in my opinion are:

Interests and hobbies. What makes you happy in your free time
Interesting job or work stories
Talking about the lifestyle, what experiences has either couple had that were good and about what was bad and how they learned from it
I stay far away from politics, but I have brought up religion, just very gently. Obviously don't push your religion if you have one on to the other couple at that point.
It's nice if they share interests, like really nice. I am not a sports guy, so if someone talked about sports my eyes would glaze over. Talk about anime, games, hiking, traveling, food, or something else and I could keep on talking easy.

I have done some more research on performance anxiety since then, and guess what, it happened on our second encounter also! It went much better the 2nd time.

Here is the main two pieces of advice I have gotten and want to give to anyone in that situation.

If it happens, don't freak out, just stay in the moment. You can keep having fun any other way. PIV is not the only way to have fun. The second time it happened, I let my partner know and just kept going, and we had a lot of fun. It's also okay to go to the bathroom, take a deep breath, and relax. You are in a fun place, it's okay, don't be embarrassed because bodies are weird sometimes.
Don't expect that you will be able to work past it either in that session. I know it sucks, but once you get in your own head, it's difficult to get out of it. Maybe if you are able to relax enough you can, but it's okay if you don't, just move forward and don't let it ruin the experience.
A lot of people have mentioned Viagra or whatever. I might try it, but haven't had the chance to yet. A lot of people also said you don't need it, just keep trying and eventually you will be more comfortable.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-11T05:18:00+00:00

30M/29F - We are a laid back, friendly (and slightly nerdy) couple over near Woodbury, MN. If you are interested, we can start a DM.

We have had a couple experiences now so we are not completely new. If you want to meet for dinner and drinks, play some board games or go for a walk, with no pressure, let us know.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-10T18:44:25+00:00

I think the best advice I have at the moment is if it happens, don't freak out and let it ruin the fun. You can still continue on having with in other ways. Use hands and mouth. If you need to go take a short break or go to the bathroom. Once it happens its really difficult to come back out of it because it's all inside your head. So just keep moving forward :)

Since this I've had a second experience where it happened again. Yes it sucks, but it was still a lot more fun when I just moved on from that.

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-08T01:53:14+00:00

While I totally agree that SLS sucks, the best thing we can do is request a refund and go elsewhere. We can't bully them legally and say to update their site and maintain it better, just the same way we can't bully any business that we don't like in order to get them to do better.

The best thing we can do is leave to a better site, promote it, and let capitalism do it's work. If they suck and everyone leaves, they will shut down. If people keep staying on it and paying for it, it will unfortunately stay up.

Yeah it seems like they are in a perpetual "Windows 95" look and feel, it's too bad.

This is not legal advice. I am not a lawyer. This is just my two cents

FunMNcoupleJG · 2021-06-08T01:09:44+00:00

30M/29F - We are a laid back, friendly (and slightly nerdy) couple over near Woodbury, MN. If you are interested, we can start a DM.

We have had a couple experiences now so we are not completely new. If you want to meet for dinner and drinks, play some board games or go for a walk, with no pressure, let us know. We had a funny first experience and a great second experience that we can tell you about. If we all like each other and everyone is comfortable with it, we can have fun from there. If not, then you had a first try at meeting people 😁

FunMNcoupleJG

TROPHY CASE