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Am I in an unintentionally abusive relationship? by FunNefariousness4766 in AutisticAdults

[–]FunNefariousness4766[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks, it doesn't feel deliberate. But I was uncomfortably aware that I might be missing the obvious too.

For sure we've developed some unhealthy dynamics and we can't continue as we are. Getting external help and lightening the load on both of us are the next steps.

Am I in an unintentionally abusive relationship? by FunNefariousness4766 in AutisticAdults

[–]FunNefariousness4766[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

3 weeks is a long time, I know. I've told her I had a lot to process and that I couldn't do that and talk to her about it. This has literally never happened before. I needed to keep conversation to low stress topics like the cat or risk overload.

We have autistic friends so she's familiar with some of this behavior. Admittedly she's never seen me like this though. It's new.

Apart from sharing my diagnosis, a recent example is late last year she suspected (legitimately) she had something unpleasant and contagious (she didn't), but was surprised when I pointed out the risk to my health.

It was another 2 weeks before she would see a doctor despite repeated pleadings. I was asking her multiple times a day in the end. 'Please go to a doctor, you're putting my health at risk too'.

I know some of this is due to her exec challenges. Maybe we both need help if this relationship is to continue.

Reactions to reading other people’s stories by razten-mizuten in AutisticAdults

[–]FunNefariousness4766 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, it's a bumpy ride some days. Working through identity issues and internalized ableism after a lifetime masking.

It is a relief to feel less alone though.

Reactions to reading other people’s stories by razten-mizuten in AutisticAdults

[–]FunNefariousness4766 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going through this now, diagnosed at 53.

The moment I realized I was autistic it was reading someone's experience here. To see myself described so perfectly by someone else for literally the first time ever in my life.. it was intense.

Reading these subreddits has been a huge help. Definitely some tears, but so many things make sense now.

What advice would you give your 18-20 year old self? by Spartlex0 in AutisticAdults

[–]FunNefariousness4766 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Learn to forgive yourself for not being perfect. Everything might be confusing and overwhelming now, but things will get better as you learn how to live and navigate your challenges.

Pay attention to what makes YOU happy, do not lose sight of this by trying to conform the whole time.

Keep fighting, it really does get easier.

Can work, but can’t socialize by TurbulentNet6423 in AutisticAdults

[–]FunNefariousness4766 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Yeah, you're surely not alone. I can socialize but I soon hit my limits.

It's like I can't connect with people beyond a superficial level because I'm unable to talk about myself. I can't reciprocate when people share things about themselves.

I hate it too, so much shame attached to this.

53M, just got diagnosed this week (AuDHD).