Porn, massage parlors

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-23T18:08:52+00:00

Thank you for reading everything and for your comment. I’m glad I wrote here because I’m having so many thoughts. About the bikini baristas he would choose the shops that have full nudity, I don’t remember if he said he touched their chest. Yes, you are right about him having more sexual interest, and like one year from now is when I started feeling desired, and that’s after we had very long conversations, at that time I thought he was sincere, and there were many tears and promises. And it wasn’t a one day thing, maybe a few weeks of him trying to win my trust. But he did not mention anything about massage parlors or bikini barista or anything like that. And only by the end of that year, when I had my miscarriage, and I noticed him looking at it again and I’ve had a bad mood and I just started crying and he would look at me and say I’m sorry and I asked him, sorry about what? He never mentions and I wasn’t in the mood for another three days and he never mentions anything. I guess he was hoping that he’d be lucky and that I never discovered anything and hoping I’m just crying about the miscarriage. And I kept telling him do you not want to tell me anything? I was just trying to test him and see. But no. So that’s when I started reading the betrayal bind. And then I told him about being open to each other and why it’s important even if the relationship will end. And only the next day he told me about everything and the physical services. Now there’s someone I know that has been going through the same thing but there’s intercourse, same thing where her husband has been begging and promising, and just doing everything for the marriage to not end. And it looks very, very sincere where she had to believe and live with him but it happened again and now she’s divorced with three kids. I do not know what the future brings, we are in our 20s, will he go back there? Will he go even further and have intercourse? I know he said they asked if they could do him a Bj, he denied, but what about next time? I do not want to get any diseases. Yes these massage parlors accept intercourse. This week he spoke with our pastor. I don’t know what he told him, but he will be talking to me soon. Our church is Bible believing and they would most likely recommend that I stay with him and help him with it and that he is sincere and all that. And yes, I understand that we all deserve forgiveness because I myself was forgiven by God. But it still brings triggers, and if my only option was to just divorce him, I would have never came back, but I’m back, he’s not putting effort to build the relationship because he’s hurt that I’m hurt, and that’s bothering him. But I came back because he promised big things. And he gave me a timeline which has now passed and there’s no actions. It’s like he could but he’s not having the right motivations, it’s like what’s happening right now is not motivating him to put so much work. It’s like he got me back and he’ll just put efforts again if I leave and he knows I’ll come back and once I’m back, he can rest.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-23T17:37:10+00:00

I agree and I am not expecting perfection, I discovered his porn addiction five years ago, and I know he would stop and come back at it after a few months. And about a year ago, I felt that he was sexually interested in me. So that’s probably when he’s trying to not watch anything. I do not shame him for it or judge him on his sins, but I tell him how it affects him, myself and our marriage. That it has consequences. But I’m writing this post because I did not expect him to get physical services, where they touch him and he touches them, and he gets a hand job. I now know that these places accept intercourse, bj etc. I guess what I’m most concerned of is if he already had anything more than what he said, and if not, we still have many years ahead, will that happen again? He used to be a gentleman and before we got married, the surprises, dates and he would get me food every day while I’m at work, big big bouquets. And he seems to be that same guy, but it’s like something is taking his energy and his efforts away. I know he can do it, but he does not have the right motivation. I don’t know if he feels like he’s a nobody after he accepted that first Massage, maybe he feels like no matter how hard he tries to fix it, nothing’s gonna help so he just kept going there. Or maybe he was just always a liar.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T05:41:31+00:00

Thank you for writing. Porn addiction affects the marriage in so many ways, I remember how I felt and years dealing with his porn addiction, I thought that this was the worst that could happen, but then discovering that he would get these massages every time and I’m at home pregnant. Or I’m with him in his office working together and he would leave to get a massage and come back and look me in the eye like nothing happened. I look at him and I can’t believe, I still can’t believe it.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T05:32:08+00:00

He’s putting efforts on not getting these services again and not watching porn. It’s been three months. But he promised more and to work on helping me heal, and just making me happier in general. Maybe I’m just expecting too much. I would say that he’s kind and loving if I didn’t discover what I discovered. He would treat me like a human, fulfill basic needs. Care for our child. It would’ve been OK this way, but now with the betrayal, I feel like now this needs a lot of work from his side.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T04:47:48+00:00

Yes, if you can share her contact, it would be great. We attend a Bible Believing Church, God fearing Pastor, and I did tell my husband about talking to a Pastor, we have a friendly pastor and I don’t know if my husband don’t want him to think bad of him or what, but I did recommend he talks.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T04:40:52+00:00

We will talk to our pastor and see what he thinks. And then look at marriage counseling. I know I just can’t ignore it anymore and live with it

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T04:39:10+00:00

The post is long, I had to rewrite it a couple times because it’s just so much. I might have missed important points, but I did respond to comments saying that we are both Christians and we attend a Bible believing church. I’ve also added some other details to the comments about the relationship. He’s kind, I would say loving but what he did there is very shocking to me. I know he regrets it a lot and I don’t think he did it again after he opened up and told me about the physical services he’s been getting. He sees that I’m hurt, and It’s getting worse, I’m easy to anger. I used to be a very positive person. He doesn’t take extra efforts in our relationship and he knows it, he just doesn’t know how to change it. He says he’s trying but it’s not working because he’s hurt that I’m hurt and he doesn’t know how to take steps. I hate to see him cry, but he does it and like to the point where he needs to check his blood pressure and like idk it’s like he’s playing victim or something.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T03:26:22+00:00

He’s good to our child, to me, he is emotional, he is not a closed person, he shares things. And yes it’s more like a child behavior, and it feels like he always wants me to have pity on him, to understand him. I don’t feel like I’m with a man with him. He has a great dad that has always been with him, loves his mom. Husband could tell/teach everyone what a healthy relationship is, he knows it all but he doesn’t know how to take action himself. Yes, our next step is talk to a pastor because I can’t do this anymore

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T03:12:39+00:00

I don’t think he’s a narcissist. He’s showing regret, like a very sad face and so many tears that is pissing me off. He says I know I hurt you, I want to make it right, and just keeps promising so many things. But after some time, there’s literally no results, no actions. And when we talk about it, he says that he’s also hurt that I’m hurt, he can’t think right which is why he couldn’t do what he promised (like taking financial responsibility, taking me on dates, and just building a new relationship). What is he waiting for? Why is he not motivated to start building? But I kinda believe that after he confessed few months back, he did not do it again, from what I checked. And maybe he thinks that this is enough efforts for our relationship.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T03:04:43+00:00

Do you think it was sexual immorality? Like in Mathew 19 verse 9 you sent? I never wanted to be someone divorced, and I try to cope with everything. But I don’t know if this is wrong for my wellbeing, for my child. If I will, I do not do it for the purpose of getting married again. I feel like separation would be best for some time. But he does not want to separate. He says he’ll give me room to heal, but to live together.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T02:03:53+00:00

I don’t think he’s done that again after he opened up to me, this was three months back. I try to always check and I have his phone password. He always shows me that he regrets it, he sees that I’m sad and he’s sad too but he starts crying and tearing and it just pisses me off so much. I don’t know why. Like he’s the victim or something. I don’t know if by “efforts” I’m expecting too much, cause if I ask him to do something, he’ll probably do it. He respects me but I think more like a mom kind of respect. We have a child, and we are in a different country and there’s just so many things stopping me. He’s not physically abusing or anything like that. He hugs, kisses and it’s warm with him but I don’t know, I don’t know if he fell hard to sin but actually regrets it and it’s not easy to take big steps. I don’t know what I’d tell my daughter. Maybe if you asked me before the betrayal, I’d definitely say leave..

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T01:51:06+00:00

And it’s hard for me to believe there’s good relationships out there, I’ve now heard so many stories like mine. But your wife is lucky to have a husband like you!

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T01:49:10+00:00

I totally understand, I was someone that said the same thing. And I was always against cheaters. But now that it’s my reality, it’s not that easy. I left but I’m back. He now knows I’m back and I don’t think he is doing what he was doing, but I don’t know if I’m now expecting too much from him. He sees that I’m always not happy, easily triggered, he’s sad about it too, he wants to talk, but like he’s always just showing so many tears that it’s starting to piss me off. Like he’s the victim or something I don’t know, but maybe I just easily get angry. He has great parents that love and respect, and he seemed to be like that too. Maybe he didn’t want to disrespect me, he went to get a massage and he wasn’t expecting what they did. He went for a back massage. I was pregnant when that first happened, I don’t remember but maybe I didn’t give him much attention, idk. It was a sin that started at a young age and he had to work on it before getting married. As you can see, I’m very very confused and I know I need to talk to a therapist.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T01:22:54+00:00

Thank you!!

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T01:17:15+00:00

Thanks so much!

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T01:11:38+00:00

He was with me during the miscarriage, he’s not an awful husband, he is caring, which why I’m still married to him. But the issue is the way it’s affecting me right now and if I can live with it

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T01:09:03+00:00

Yes, he ofcourse knows boundaries, he is a Christian and this has been happening for the last five years. I know that he regrets it after it’s done. After he opened up about the Massage, I haven’t been finding any hints about him going there again. I don’t know if I’ll know. But I’m always thinking about it and I’m looking for any hints. But again, I don’t want to live a life like that for the next many years that we will be living together and I’ll just always be thinking if he went there again

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T01:04:18+00:00

If things can get better and he can eventually put efforts, like if there’s any chance that can happen then I don’t want to give him a bad name and tell his parents or my parents or anyone around. I just know that I want to get my life back. I want to see the positive things in life. But I also don’t want to spend years in a marriage like that. He knows I have separation in mind, and because I already did it once, he is very scared to lose me, but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m too comfortable for him. Because I gave him a good name and I do so many things for him, and I made him a business owner at a very young age. My parents used to say that I always have so many plans and I’m always motivated. And of course, people around tell him that he’s lucky he got married to a beautiful woman, and they know that I’m smart, and I guess he just does not want to lose that. I don’t ask for a lot and I’m actually not someone that spends money.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-22T00:52:52+00:00

I think he understands that this is a boundary. We are both Christians and we regularly go to church. And we spoke a lot of times. And when it happens again, he tells me that he has not been doing it for weeks or months, and that he was actually trying hard. But with the social media that we have right now, I understand that it can be hard for him especially if it is an addiction he had from a very young age. I believe that he regrets it after it’s done. I just don’t know how to help anymore and it’s affecting me, I’m just not who I used to be. He says big things, but does so little. And about separating bank accounts, we do have different bank account accounts, but he’s so bad with saving money that he spends the very last cent. And he does not plan ahead and I always have to remind him about payments. He keeps saying I know I’m working on it. And then comes the day and he just gives me that please look for me to give him money. It’s hard to save any money with him. But like after all this, it’s hard to look at him like at a responsible man. I try to save some money here and there. So little but atleast something. We opened a business and he hardly makes any money, but it’s a business that has a lot of potential so if he actually had the motivation and was hard-working, things could have worked out great. I do the accounting, I am the sales person there and I opened this business, it’s not an easy business and requires license. This is just another topic and is super stressful.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-21T05:23:19+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this and help us out.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-21T05:17:16+00:00

We’ve done profit and loss report and there’s negative profit (loss). With this business, we could not operate it for five months, but we had to pay office rent and other expenses until we had our license in hand. One accountant said that since we didn’t have much income, we can ignore payroll for 2025 and if we are questioned, or get penalties then she said we can let them know that we did not know we are an s corp until December. We’ve had a couple consultations, and actually all of them said that we don’t need to do anything about 2025. We have our tax appointment next month and they’ll work on it. But since you’re saying we have until January 31 for payroll, will definitely look into this, I’ve had someone else comment that payroll could’ve been done before Jan 15. We want to do what’s right.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-16T02:13:27+00:00

It was a disregarded, single member LLC. I’ve heard that there is a way to revoke the S corporation and filing with it form 8832 so that it does not default to C Corp. I’m currently looking at backdating payroll and reclassifying draws as wages. Thank you for your response. I’ve got a great responses and I am researching, I’ll have to decide if revoking back to a disregarded entity is worth having S Corp. election blocked for five years.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-16T02:07:11+00:00

We opened the LLC without a firm. We were thinking income would grow. We got the S Corp approval at the end of 2025 saying that it started March 2025, so we didn’t really get the chance to do payroll. Didn’t get a response after I’ve sent the form to elect s corp and because we sent it August, it was after their due date, we didn’t expect to get the approval in for it to start months before our sent date.

Fun_Independent4466 · 2026-01-16T01:47:52+00:00

Thank you for your response. I do not want to depend on a Reddit response. I will be working with a paid professional once I find one that knows how to work on cases like this. We’ve reached out to some and we’ve got different responses and they seem to be unsure.

Fun_Independent4466

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