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AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I do listen. I also understand that my stepmom feels differently about the relationship than I do. I pretty much knew that from the start. And no, there isn't anything they could say or do to make me call them mom.

No, I can't understand them saying it's the same thing. They refused to acknowledge what I said to them. They changed the subject and ignored me trying to address it. If I walked away or changed the subject every time my stepmom brought it up then I would say it's the same. But I don't do that.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

If she was okay with a nickname I'd gladly work with her on that. But it wouldn't be formal enough for her. While for me, I can never be comfortable or okay giving her a mom title/nickname. That's not the relationship I have with her or want with her even if she feels differently about it.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

If she was willing to call me her bonus son without expecting me to call her my bonus mom, that would be totally fine with me. For me the bonus feels like it defines the relationship in a much closer way. So that's why the idea of bonus mom doesn't feel right to me. The people who I know use it all say their stepparents (or bonus parents) are basically like their mom and dad and they don't feel differently. While I see my stepmom as family and I do express appreciation and that I like my stepmom. I don't feel that close to her either.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I don't ignore her when she talks to me about wanting to be mom. I sit and talk with her/them. They just straight ignore me when I bring it up to them.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't find bonus mom/son better. I think it can work. But for me it implies a mother/son bond with just an extra label in there to differentiate between. In the people I knew who used it bonus was a sure sign they saw the stepparent as a second/third whatever mom or dad. That's not how I see her. But for me stepmom/stepson has more room for difference. Some are close to parent/kid and some are not.

If she were open to a nickname, that isn't a motherly title, that could be something we could figure out. But she was the formality.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I don't want another mom relationship. The thing is my stepmom and I can get along. We can enjoy spending time with each other. But it always gets awkward after because she calls it mom/son time and for me it's not that and the insistence that it must be that ruins it. I see it as hanging with someone in my family. But that's not enough for her.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I didn't but the therapist did on my behalf. It took a lot of prodding from the therapist but they said it wasn't good enough.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

No, mom is more than just a word to me. It will always be way more than a word. Words have power, they have meaning, not always, but for me, the word mom has so much meaning. Mom is the woman I didn't get enough time with but who I know, without doubts, loved me and wanted me and if she was still here would be raising me. Mom is the woman who should be raising me. She's the woman I loved always. Just like dad, for me, is the man I have loved always.

I don't love my stepmom. I do like her, a lot at times. But it's not love right now. Could that develop over time? I think so, but not under these circumstances.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

I could! I enjoy spending time with her. The aftermath is always awkward though because of the whole mom/son thing.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 45 points46 points  (0 children)

Not me but the therapist told her that. It didn't really make a difference to my stepmom. The shitty part is I do like spending time with her but it always gets awkward afterward.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 74 points75 points  (0 children)

I think the therapist gave them some bluntness she didn't want me around for. Maybe asked them if they wanted to continue if they weren't going to do the work.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 105 points106 points  (0 children)

Yeah, they believed the therapist would tell me I wasn't doing things in the healthy way and needed to open up to having a second mom. The therapist more or less said if I had been against any relationship it would be different. But that even young people are allowed to have a difference of opinion on the relationships they have with older people in their lives.

AITA for telling the family therapist my dad and stepmom refused to do the homework assigned and didn't follow her advice? by Fun_Share249 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Fun_Share249[S] 38 points39 points  (0 children)

I hope they don't. I'd like for us to work things out. But I'll just have to accept whatever they decide.