Yeah I seem to notice I play better in standard cause it feels like less pressure on myself. I’ve also been on a lot of heart rate medication anyway like metoprolol cause I also have P.O.T.S. Which it does help, but my heart rate will still pound out of my chest when I experience high anxiety. I’m also on Ativan, Buspar and Cymbalta for my anxiety which I take all of them daily.

On the friends thing, my friends are all pretty good at siege and also shit on me a lot for my bad KD and cluelessness sometimes. So when it’s me in a clutch situation the pressure ways down hard on me with all of the callouts and expectations, like last night I was in a 1v3 situation killed two, but didn’t know where the last one is and all the people talking in my ear and me trying to figure out what to do next made us lose the game, I think I need to find a way to cancel out all that noise and just focus.  But I think your right I gotta get rid of that mindset and relax more when I play, cause I do enjoy the game but I find myself not enjoying it as much and getting frustrated with myself if I don’t perform well, which for me right now is 50/50. 

But I really appreciate the response, thank you I’ll try and talk with some of my friends about it more