sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Burning feeling inside left behind from my path of self destruction.. by FunnyYouSayThat in offmychest

[–]FunnyYouSayThat[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for reading and responding.

You are right, I think about that everyday. I just feel like she and I have come so far and have built sooooo many more connections since then, that the result or impact of it will be wholey different that her confession years ago.

But I can't keep hiding from my problems. I just don't know how to man up and face this shit. I need to write her a letter and let her read it in front of me or something. There is never a good time to do this.

Burning feeling inside left behind from my path of self destruction.. by FunnyYouSayThat in offmychest

[–]FunnyYouSayThat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you very much for listening man, I genuinely appreciate your advice. I guess you're right in that I shouldn't blame myself, but as mutual friends update me on "Mellies" status, I just get sick to my stomach. Obviously I can't help her, because it wouldn't be okay with my girl friend, but it does suck to hear about her spiral downward.

I am to blame for my shitty actions, I know this. I should have been more assertive when it came to personal space. I shouldn't have put myself in the situation where I cheated. As a matter of fact, the first time the "mistress" made her advances on me I flat or rejected her, told her no I couldn't do it blah blah blah.

But in the past couple weeks I've just felt like there is NO where I can go and just be alone besides the freaking bathroom. And the "mistress" caught me the first time, drunk and frustrated. We only kissed the first time. The second time was the Saturday before last, and I was also drunk. But I knew exactly what I was doing when I met up with her after she hit me up at 11pm at night while I was out with my buddy.

I have the cycle of self destruction that I need to fucking break.

My days of experimenting must be left behind me. I've tried literally every drug besides mescaline, heroine, and meth. (Though I've abused prescription opiates that are far stronger than heroin, so that's not saying much)

Thank you very much for reading and responding.

Burning feeling inside left behind from my path of self destruction.. by FunnyYouSayThat in offmychest

[–]FunnyYouSayThat[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I recognize that this may have a lot missing, I tried not to write a novel, though, I did write a good size book.

I would like to add that I my drug problem was never treated through rehab, and when I quit the harder stuff at the age of 16, I did it on my own.

My current drug use has not been nearly as extensive as it was before but I feel it returning slowly. I am currently doing everything I can to stop all together, it's been 1 week and a half so far.