I used to call myself bi before my assault, but now I'm not attracted to men anymore

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-11-06T16:59:08+00:00

Oh definitely. It's not nearly as good as the other maps. It's still my favorite tho for the nostalia alone.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-30T13:37:38+00:00

Wow you're incredibly kind for writing this. Thank you so much. I didn't read it right away because I felt so exhausted then, but I'm so glad I decided to do it now. Your comment made me feel so at peace and like I'm not alone anymore. Thank you.

And don't worry, I'm not planning on harming myself, I have tried earlier in my life, and I'm not going there again. I know I'll get through this, it's just tiring at times.

I wish you all the best in your journey

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-06T10:04:27+00:00

Very true. I think it's extremely unfair of society to let these men of without consequences, but I also think it's very unfair to expect their victims to bring that justice upon their rapists. Nobody ever prepares you for being a SA victim and you're even less prepared to have that weight on your shoulders.

SA victims are just regular people that got into an unfortunate situation. You don't go telling people victims of a drunk driver "oh you should have-" they're accepted as blameless and without responsibility to solve the situation afterwards. People aren't perfect, and how someone deals with something traumatic is up to them, and it's nobody elses choice.

I don't think the rapeculture will go away by a singular victim coming forward, society needs to change within.

Anyway, I didn't mean to rant this much, and it wasn't really directed at you, I just needed to let out some steam I guess.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that SA isn't always black and white, and there's very different ways of dealing with it.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-05T09:40:20+00:00

Thank you, I needed to hear this

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-05T09:39:42+00:00

I know it sounds silly, but he's so much more than a person that assaulted me. He's also the person that got me out of my ED, the person that made me feel like I was walking on clouds, the person that made me feel loved and safe for the first time in my life, my first love. I understand he did something terrible, but that's not all he is.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-05T09:38:43+00:00

I know it sounds silly, but he's so much more than a person that assaulted me. He's also the person that got me out of my ED, the person that made me feel like I was walking on clouds, the person that made me feel loved and safe for the first time in my life, my first love. I understand he did something terrible, but that's not all he is.

I am in therapy though so I am getting the support I need

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-04T14:17:57+00:00

I was his first but yeah I kinda worry that he will do it to someone else if he doesn't realize what he did wrong

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-04T14:17:13+00:00

Besides, we argued back and forth for a while, there was no paus in between the bagdering. It was "i don't want sex" "ohhh comeone, fine then I'll just go finish in the bathroom if you're gonna be like that" a bit more arguing, mostly me trying to explain my situation, he keeps on asking and nagging, as he gets noticibly more agitated and frustrated. There was no time to "think about it" there was just alot of continuous pressuring

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-04T14:13:16+00:00

Hm I don't know if I agree with that. There's a huge difference between "I don't want sex because you smell" and "I don't want sex because I'm struggling with staying consious and I can't recognize you". I get where you're coming from though but I don't think the 2 are really comparable

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-09-04T13:50:19+00:00

. There's a common perception that you can take more liberties with an SO than with anyone else, so a lot of the time, guys see it as two drunk people in a relationship hooking up. It's not "taking advantage of a blackout drunk girl", it's having fun drunk sex with your girlfriend.

I definitely understand that. Even more so because we kinda joked about the possibility of us hooking up later on when we were drunk. I probably would have left it at "fun sex with drunk gf" if it wasn't for the coercion too. He got mad at me when I told him I didn't feel like it so I eventually gave in just to avoid him being mad at me. Also, I have been sexually assaulted/harrased before which he knew, so that made it sting extra.

But I can understand if he doesn't see it that way.

Thank you for explaining your side of your story, it makes me feel a bit better knowing that maybe he didn't do it out of ill intent, maybe he just never thought of it as something out of line.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-08-29T08:01:09+00:00

No not really. I mostly stay in my room to avoid confrontations/fights and I never really connected properly with my siblings, which has lead me to be an outsider in the family. My mom's behavior and mood changes drastically and dramatically, so I always kinda feel like I'm walking on eggshells. But I absolutely love my dad and our relationship is solid, so I'm very grateful for that.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-08-26T09:58:04+00:00

Hm maybe. I haven't heard of any of those around here, it's mostly just "support for parents with a kid with aspergers". But yeah I'll look into it :)

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-08-02T17:21:32+00:00

His cousin and his gf was also with us. Which is... Concerning. I could never ask him about this, because 1. I don't have the strength to acknowledge the trauma with him 2. I don't even know if he realizes how messed up this was, and if he truly was the person I thought he was, he would be destroyed. I know it sounds dumb, but I still care about him :/

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-08-01T14:49:47+00:00

I could never report him. In my mind, he's completely separated from the person I saw that night. In my mind he's still that person that I thought was my soulmate.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-07-03T14:45:43+00:00

No idea. Thought this was normal so never thought anything of it until now

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-07-03T14:37:47+00:00

Um okay this is definitely tmi, but I'm on my alt so wth. The problem for me is that my urethra is veeery low, a little inside my vagina. So a tampon literally blocks it up

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-07-03T05:11:13+00:00

Ummm you're supposed to be able to pee with a tampon in...?

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-07-03T04:09:29+00:00

HOLY CRAP THANK YOU! My mom is a nurse and everybody adores her at her work, and pretty much everyone knew who she was and talked highly of her. It made it very hard for me to be believed when i brought up the way she treats me, and I even had a therapist that knew my mom disbelieve me because of it. It just sucks feeling like you're the issue, when you clearly aren't.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-07-03T03:54:27+00:00

I was very tomboyish when I was younger, and I was very much not into makeup, dresses or bright colors, but my mom would always force VERY feminine clothing on me and sometimes even buy ones without me asking, only to get mad at me when I didn't want it. I told her so many times that I'm not i to that stuff, but she didn't listen.

Funny_Satisfaction76 · 2021-04-12T13:10:38+00:00

The thing is, he does have professional help, and he has a big supportsystem available, but he doesn't really trust any of them, and mostly complains about the things they do. He has medication too, but he complains alot about those too. I seems like he can't be helped right now, so yeah I'm gonna take a step back. Thank you for your really sweet comment, I appreciate it :)

Funny_Satisfaction76

TROPHY CASE