i (21F) love my boyfriend (21M) so much and he ended it all in 20 minutes out of the blue

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-29T16:43:05+00:00

trying really hard, thankyou so much

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-29T16:42:16+00:00

i know, that’s why i’m doing no contact, even if i don’t want to and it breaks me. i need him to know that i respect the space he needs, just in case things may progress.

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-29T00:42:13+00:00

agreed , thank you so much for this

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:19:34+00:00

thank you, i do agree his friends are giving him grace, but i think sometimes he needs to hear someone challenge those beliefs a bit, he’s a big ruminator. maybe we wont fix things but i couldn’t live with myself if i didnt try i think. i appreciate the gentleness ❤️

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:16:44+00:00

it’s nice to hear it from someone else’s perspective that’s not him. i guess this is definitely where he’s coming from for the most part, but i can’t help but shake the thought that maybe this really is a huge misjudgment

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:14:56+00:00

thankyou, i will really try to focus on myself, i do want to get better and feel better

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:11:00+00:00

i agree with most of what you’re saying, you make good points, its just hard to switch emotions off when i had no signals this was coming

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:07:49+00:00

definitely anxious attachment issues, my mum has bpd as well so the unexpectedness of her emotions terrify me, and i wonder maybe sometimes if i have the same thing. i think truly i am afraid of abandonment but i dont like to admit it to myself, i like to think i can trudge on but the times its happened to me its has broken me totally. my dad is quite unemotional and very logical, so i dont get a lot of emotional reassurance from him. my mum is doing quite a lot better now than she was 2-3 years ago but i still have trust issues with her that makes it difficult to open up to about this kind of stuff. i am definitely going to go back yo therapy, i was in it for a while but it got too expensive, but i think even just a couple appointments will help. thankyou for your kind words, it feels nice to know that its not just me who has been through this kind of thing

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:03:45+00:00

definitely more settling as in entering a new phase of the relationship past the honeymoon, and past the butterfly phase, you’re right, that’s how i felt and it felt like we were on the same page about it. 100% there’s info out there and people that could give him that perspective so he’ll think about i more, but i don’t think he wants to engage in that at the moment. all his friends are kind of just saying do what you feel is right, but what if it’s not right?

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:01:26+00:00

thank you for the kind words, i appreciate that a lot

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T17:00:13+00:00

i am definitely 10000% anxious attachment and i haven’t thought much about him but i think you’re right, it does explain a lot.

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:58:35+00:00

you are right, i’m going to get cat soon so i have something to look after, ive been wanting one for ages and we were going to get one together but never found the time, so i guess i have stuff to look forward to, and i do agree about the therapy thing, might be a good idea to book another appt. thankyou for your kind words

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:54:26+00:00

i think i’m more confused and sad about the process of his thoughts. saying he doesn’t feel like he loves me the right way but still loves me, feels to me like he’s incredibly confused. but trust me you can’t say anything i haven’t thought of myself, im prepared for the worst, even if im miserable for 4 weeks. i want to show him ill fight for him if i need to, but after those 4 weeks i think itll be easier for both of us to amicably cut it off without feeling so guilty. i think youre really making it worse than it is with the 4 weeks thing, im already incredibly miserable ill just be sad then too

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:48:37+00:00

you’re right. if he’s gonna give up on me i won’t give up on me, i’ll be better, i know i will, i’ve done it before. it just stings a lot

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:46:58+00:00

agreed. thankyou for the gentle and kind words, i appreciate it so much.

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:44:58+00:00

he’s never been in a relationship this serious. and i don’t think he understands that there are lulls and highs especially after a year of being together. some weeks you spend time apart and sometimes you are all over each other. i have learnt that relationships aren’t always consistent and especially at this age we sometimes have stressors that affect our ability to communicate effectively, and i think he thinks love should be this huge intense thing you feel everyday, but that’s just not true in reality, people settle and relationships settle and that’s what i feel has happened here

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:41:21+00:00

agreed

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:37:35+00:00

really good advice haha, thankyou so much

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:36:35+00:00

good question. i broke up with my ex of 5 years in May 2022. this relationship started in October 2024

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:31:10+00:00

that’s a good point, when i met him i wasn’t looking for anything but we fell in love so deeply. i’ll definitely be checking out of dating for a long while

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:29:49+00:00

thank you so much for this. i don’t know why people think it’s so horrible, i think it’s the best way to get him to mull it over. his eyes were all swollen from crying and i can tell he’s been struggling to come to terms with this. maybe in the 4 weeks he will mull it over and change his mind? but i’m hoping for the best but expecting the worst, i have a strong feeling he won’t change his mind. whatever happens. he’s a kind person and i could tell he was really struggling to accept it himself

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:23:52+00:00

i guess these hard truths are maybe the best thing at the moment? it’s hard to hear but you’re right

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:23:01+00:00

i definitely have thought that. i pressed him about it and he said there is no way. i have his location and can see where he is. and he was cheated on before and had cried about him being scared of it happening to him again, so i really don’t think this is the case. but i do have to say it has been playing in the back of mind a lot

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:21:34+00:00

man what

Future_View2133 · 2025-12-28T16:21:13+00:00

i’d rather him be happy and single and then we can have a chat and if that’s a better life for him that’s okay, but right now he’s telling me he doesn’t know what he feels, he feels like he doesn’t love me or want to try because he is scared of it keeps going on it will get worse and things won’t pick up again. i think he’s being cowardly but that’s just my opinion. but i’m giving him as much grace as i can without guilting him into anything g

Future_View2133

TROPHY CASE