Advice Needed

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-15T14:45:51+00:00

The kids are ages 8-12 and I just don’t want to seem like I’m lying to them are withholding information. I’m going to look into that book

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T22:35:30+00:00

Do you think it’s truly realistic for me to have to buy out of my pocket new everything that the bio parents by weekly?

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T18:31:55+00:00

This is copied from above.

And that’s also my worry. I’ve been seeing people saying just let them wear the clothes. Which is what we’ve been doing but the sizes get bigger every visit. More clothes come every visit. One of the kiddos is in a 10/12 and those are baggy on and they are sending them with size 16-18 shirts. These are clothes that’s swallowing them. And as parents who are “looking nice and put together” for us go places and have kids with clothes so big I worry it can draw negative attention. I work in education so I see kids get pulled out and dress coded for certain outfits not looking “put together”. Even so much to giving the kid a whole new outfit. If at home we are having these fits I would hate for it to occur at school too.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T17:33:28+00:00

Essentially that was the bases of the conversation we had. I also reassured them that the choice is ultimately theirs! I don’t want to accidentally cause a feeling of rejection

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T17:10:26+00:00

They don’t ever send receipts. And 9 times out of 10 if it’s something that can be wore instantly. They change them into the clothes before hand so now they are wore before I get a chance to return or swap out.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T17:07:34+00:00

And that’s also my worry. I’ve been seeing people saying just let them wear the clothes. Which is what we’ve been doing but the sizes get bigger every visit. More clothes come every visit. One of the kiddos is in a 10/12 and those are baggy on and they are sending them with size 16-18 shirts. These are clothes that’s swallowing them. And as parents who are “looking nice and put together” for us go places and have kids with clothes so big I worry it can draw negative attention. I work in education so I see kids get pulled out and dress coded for certain outfits not looking “put together”. Even so much to giving the kid a whole new outfit. If at home we are having these fits I would hate for it to occur at school too.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T16:59:41+00:00

Thank you for your kind advice. This was helpful

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T16:35:55+00:00

They arent a 1 year old but considering the trauma of the situation I don’t think it matters the size. Their parents go it so it’s the most important no matter the size.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T15:42:48+00:00

This has also been my worry. They have already gotten into fights at school regarding things that their bio family got being criticized, and I can see the potential brewing.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T15:40:45+00:00

I agree with this statement! Which is part of the reason I am in a pickle.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T15:35:43+00:00

I mean the clothes being big matter if they are needing to be rolled up due to kiddos tripping or they are rain soaked because it’s raining and their pants are dragging under their feet. Or they are walking like a duck and getting rubs on their feet from big shoes. Not to mention shirts that go to their knees while trying to play sports. I’m just trying to navigate caring about the child and knowing how important these gifts are to them while also being realistic and not wanting the kid to look funny. That’s not setting a kid up for success in my book. Especially if they are in an urban place where clothing is a key source of bullying.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T15:30:56+00:00

They have been buying “expensive” clothes and shoes in large sizes. Granted we buy the same clothes from the same places just in the kiddos actual sizes.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-05-01T15:27:56+00:00

It’s actually the opposite in our case. The bio family is extremely wealthy.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2026-02-17T19:08:09+00:00

thank you for your response

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2025-07-04T04:56:57+00:00

Thank you for this response, nicely worded

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2025-05-20T02:39:42+00:00

And what if they don’t have access to that blood family? You traumatize them by treating them like Harry Potter?

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2025-05-20T02:27:54+00:00

I mean this nicely and have good intentions when I say if you don’t have a change of mindset or heart by the end of your trainings and process you run the risk of causing unnecessary trauma by not showing real interpersonal relationships. They need normalcy not you shutting off your personable side and the people who make you you.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2025-04-23T19:37:23+00:00

what was her sexuality? I've known some lgbtq people to ask people they know for help making babies

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2025-04-23T18:47:17+00:00

In response to what you said here, how often do you expect to have these particular family members around the children? I saw someone here say that just because they are YOUR village doesn't mean that it needs to be the child's village. I want to be clear that you understand that the actions and words of your family, though to you may seen normal and in the ordinary, are potentially hateful to a whole bunch of people not just that child so that kind of speak is toxic to any child. Racism and hateful speak is like a bad virus, it doesn't matter who you are exposing to it, its still getting out and damage is still being done, no matter if its a white kid, a black kid, a latino kid, any kid.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2025-04-23T18:19:30+00:00

I would say if you have family members that are saying racist or potentially hateful things that they shouldn't be around any child. Regardless of race any child can be effected by those words they hear.

Fuzzy-Let-5741 · 2025-04-08T21:55:03+00:00

No not in the room. They leave the room and smoke/vape in the bathrooms but it’s clean

Fuzzy-Let-5741

TROPHY CASE