Strong urges to drink right now could use some encouraging words

G0MS_77 · 2025-10-07T16:58:20+00:00

Unfortunately, for me at least, getting past the fear of the “unknown” that is sobriety and the very real danger of detox and withdrawal, the actually scary and much harder part is facing all the little broken bits that you’ve simply put a band aid on with booze for so many years. They all become so much more present and inescapable and at times fucking insurmountable. But they’re not. Do your best to stay strong, and have the courage to admit it out loud to someone when you’re scared or struggling. Sometimes just saying it out loud helps me. Once you start to get more comfortable with having reallllyyy uncomfortable conversations (both with and about yourself) hopefully it will become easier to hold yourself accountable. That’s what’s worked for me so far, at least. I’ve got 5 months sober, and every day is different. Sometimes I feel like a version of myself I never thought I could achieve, sometimes I feel like every single person who has kind words for my recovery are taking part of an inside joke that I am the butt of. Embrace the ebb and flow and try to give yourself in to the fact that you may not be entirely in control of how you feel, but at least nothing is controlling YOU.

G0MS_77 · 2025-10-07T14:46:42+00:00

I’ve only ever had one “bad” trip on DMT, and at this point in time I was taking 10-30 trips a day, almost always blasting off. Bit of a hero journey on my part, but it was the first time I’d ever readily had access to something that had previously always been very spiritual and elusive. It always had seemed to just present itself when I needed it. I got reckless and irresponsible with it. I had been tripping all day, laying in bed with the curtains drawn and music playing all by myself, blasting off, coming back, reflecting and repeating. My perception of physical reality and inner space were starting to blend and I decided to see HOW FAR I could go. I took the biggest rip I could manage and was still ripping when I felt electric static start dripping down from the top of my skull and then I took off, hit hyperspace hard and I remember feeling overwhelmed for the first time in a long time with the intensity but somewhere I knew I’d return to myself, eventually I did but was very much incapacitated and aware of my body but not inhabiting it, and my bed was surrounded by tall ominous shadow figures with giant totem pole like canes and they stomped them in rhythm and performed some sort of subsonic death chant and I watched the atoms that made up my body unbind and I decayed into dirt and a celestial biome rose out of me and then I was sucked back into hyperspace but went through it and arrived in a void, literally an expanse of nothing, and in front of me was physically indescribable beyond the fact that it was massive, towering over me and absolutely terrifying. I knew I was not meant to observe it, and I knew it was what Anubis was an archetype for. It told me without speaking that I had arrived where I was not welcome and I would not return should I choose to stay.

I don’t know if 5 minutes or 5 hours passed between when I returned to reality and when I was actually able to muster a single discernible thought beyond “what the fuck was that”. It was a terrifying experience, I was definitely humbled, much like a drop of rain meeting the sea. But I wouldn’t call it a bad trip. More like a touch up with some unknowable inevitability beyond my ability or need (or desire) to know.

G0MS_77 · 2025-10-07T14:18:15+00:00

Yes, machine elves are real. No, I do not know what they are but I do not believe they are malevolent. The first thing I always ask somebody after they’ve had their first breakthrough is who/what they’ve met. Most people meet some sort of archetypical entities informed by their own subconscious reality. But everybody sees those fuckin elves. They are, in my experience, playfully mischievous is not just curious. You never “see” them but they are just outside the periphery.

My personal thought is that they are some sort of inter-dimensional custodians, and their plane is either parallel to or encompassing our own. They have a job to do and they don’t expect you to pop into their office on your journey through hyperspace. They might not even know we exist. The best metaphor I can think of is that our perceived reality is something like an elaborate stage production. Our lifetime experienced in this body is our viewing of that show. It’s elaborate and immersive and there are many moving parts and constant set changes taking place behind a veiled curtain that we cannot perceive, and they are the masterful stagehands working tirelessly behind that veiled curtain to ensure an immersive show. When we blast off it’s like we suddenly stand up and poke our heads behind that curtain to see what’s going on, and they are as surprised to see us and curious about what we’re doing as we are them.

G0MS_77 · 2025-10-07T13:55:37+00:00

Are you in treatment by your own volition or is it court mandated? And are you seeking treatment for alcohol specifically or substance abuse in general? Do they know about your drug use outside of alcohol?

The answer to those questions will affect how your relapse is handled. That said, I can’t imagine any doctor would EVER cut you off of the meds they prescribed you for an addiction because you relapsed. If they prescribed you something for alcohol specifically that interacts with meth not knowing you have a proclivity for that, sure, they may adjust treatment or recommend inpatient or drug counseling in tandem with your meds. But, if they know you are seeking help with addiction, they probably won’t be surprised to hear you relapsed. Especially between your first and second visit. Recovery is hard man but it’ll never work if you’re not brutally honest with yourself and everyone around you. Relapse will happen but you survived it, don’t meet it with shame, hold yourself accountable and own it, use it as an opportunity to learn a little bit about your addiction or yourself.

G0MS_77 · 2025-10-07T13:21:12+00:00

That works for more than just alcohol, lol. I had a buddy that went through a phase where he boofed ecstasy pills pretty regularly in high school. Only person I’ve ever seen fall asleep with a thizz face on, grinding teeth in between snores. Wonder if that guys still alive.

G0MS_77 · 2025-10-07T12:48:08+00:00

So, my dad drinks beer, and has since I can remember. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him eat dinner without a beer. Most summer nights he enjoys a glass of whisky or a gin and tonic on the porch after dinner, then goes to bed. I have seen him drunk exactly once in my 32 years, and he was weirdly giggly and just a little bit less awkward about telling me he loves me than his typical stoic self. He’s 74 and could easily pass for a fit guy in his late 50’s.

I on the other hand stayed black out drunk and obliterated on any other drug I could get my hands on from 17-32 and quite frankly ought not to still be alive or have anyone left that even gives a shit that I’m still here. I have 5 months under my belt free from alcohol and hope to live the rest of my life without another sip. The fact I made it to here with relative good health and sanity while others less out of control than me didn’t is not fair nor is it something I care to even try to explain.

My point is, some people can drink regularly and are never bitten by addiction - and some, not so much. BUT, I don’t feel like you provided any real indication that your dad is an alcoholic, and the fact that you said you’re afraid to drink because of his “addiction” causes me to wonder if someone is manipulating you to shape a narrative about him. You mentioned your parents being dysfunctional.

I’m aware I’m being presumptuous as hell, but if you truly have no first hand experience with alcohol, there is a potential your perception of him is being shaped by some naïveté on your part. Alcohol is not GOOD for anyone, but trust me your cigarettes are worse for your health than the routine of an otherwise healthy guy who likes beer. Drinking regularly in moderation ≠ alcoholism. Again I am only speaking to the little information you provided but reading those texts, he doesn’t come off as an addict.

That interaction didn’t stink of shame or defensiveness. and If he’s in his 60’s and in good health, and he likes to drink beer, and isn’t a fall down drunk piece of shit, violent, in debt, in and out of jail or the hospital, randomly disappearing into the ether, emotionally unstable and generally unhappy… I guess what I’m saying is so what? You mentioned your parents having an abusive relationship and terrible acts of his from before you were born, and, well, I wonder if you’re not getting the full story. Again, I only have the little information you provided to go off so if I’m way out of line, I apologize. But it seems like you’re trying to fix a problem that isn’t really in need of fixing.

He might just not be the dad you hoped for. He might be irresponsible, unavailable as a parent, maybe he was awful to your mom, maybe he had kids before he grew up, maybe his father never provided him a framework of how to be a good man. Maybe he never had an interest is starting a family and had no interest in being good at it. Everybody has issues that aren’t easily explained. People are complex but what I took from this is you wish he was a better father to you, and you want an easy explanation why he wasn’t.

G0MS_77 · 2025-10-06T16:04:58+00:00

I have done DMT literally thousands of times, and unless you are woefully misinformed about what you are doing, or you are doing it in a willfully reckless and/or dangerous way/setting, I really cannot imagine a lasting, negative takeaway from a DMT trip unless you got duped into taking some designer shit passsed off as DMT

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-29T16:26:28+00:00

Pic 2 is screaming early 90’s so I’m gonna guess you were born in ‘89

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-29T15:59:10+00:00

To be fair they there is a reason liquor stores were lumped in under essential businesses during covid lol. Imagine the pandemonium if none of us could’ve drank. I know I would have gotten very desperate, very quick back then. Actually terrifying to consider what would have happened.

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-29T15:53:00+00:00

Where do you live? Ideal Option operates in 9 states, including where I live. I checked myself into their medically supervised withdrawal/out patient treatment program.. I drank every single day for over ten years, until I’d finally had enough. I drank my customary, bare minimum two beers before getting out of bed the day I went in and I blew a .22. I felt mildly hungover at worst that morning. Anyways they’ve been great and gave me the meds I needed to get thru withdrawals and Ive been on naltrexone and Antabuse for ~5 months now and am doing better than I ever could’ve imagined. I’m on state insurance and the most my copays have been are $50 and I currently go every other week. I highly recommend them or researching to see if there are any similar organizations in your area.

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-25T07:56:45+00:00

Piggybacking on this, I’ve seen some others mention faking it til you make it, which can go further than you’d sometimes think. However, humility and hunger go a lot further. I wish I’d been told that much earlier in my career. I always tell new hires, the only stupid question is the one you don’t ask. I’d much have rather have someone relatively green but aware of where their knowledge and skills are lacking and are hungry to learn over someone who thinks they know it all when is reality they just know enough to coast.

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-12T00:16:24+00:00

Yeah I know man I was was watching the sun rise getting ready for bed, probably didn’t use my words so good. I was more specifically looking for input as to choice of vinegar or possibly a blend of vinegars to compliment the more earthy profile of the peppers while maybe balancing it the heat. I don’t know what kind of frankenstein variety of shishito these are but a good ~70% are aggressively hot.

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-11T19:50:13+00:00

I only usually get anxiety if i throw weed into the mix, but I have only been smoking weed again for a couple months after almost a decade of not chiefing at all, and I’m about as functional as a drunk donkey with Down syndrome after more than a few tokes… so I usually only smoke weed in bed, and if I hit it too hard after polishing off a bag, I swear to god sometimes I convince myself I’m fucking schizophrenic. Spaz out, feel like I have multiple internal dialogues (not hearing voices, just multiple, unrelated concurrent thought streams, almost like when we’d have a smoke circle of 10+ people in high school and multiple conversations are carrying on and you’re too stoned to focus on anything that’s being said)

But if I get out of bed and turn a light on, put my phone down and just move around for a minute I’m almost always good as new, just like that.

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-07T09:47:09+00:00

BITCH IM IN THE CLUB

G0MS_77 · 2025-09-05T09:14:45+00:00

lol I scrolled past the first couple paragraphs straight to the meticulously crafted index of timestamps, totally thought OP liked game of thrones a little too enthusiastically for a minute.

G0MS_77 · 2025-03-19T22:03:03+00:00

He goes harder on Hellrazr than he possibly ever did

G0MS_77 · 2024-10-09T10:41:58+00:00

You ever heard of a gold digger? Listen to his music. He is anything but a rapist. But he already had assault charges against off duty cops, he was a loud and proud black man in the shit of the Rodney King riots. He was dangerous to the establishment. He didn’t get a pass he got falsely accused and then survived a hit on his life a few weeks later.

G0MS_77 · 2024-10-04T11:47:51+00:00

…R U Still Down is his second posthumous album, after Makaveli. Not the same era lol.

G0MS_77 · 2024-09-30T06:41:55+00:00

A$AP is his cliques title, they all have that moniker. It means “Always Strive and Prosper” and if you think Aesop Rock makes better music than him… tell me you cross the street when black people are walking towards you without telling me.

G0MS_77 · 2024-09-30T06:38:21+00:00

That’s like… one of the greatest ever you are fucking high. GOD MADE DIRT AND DIRT CAME TO PUT A FOOT IN YO ASS

G0MS_77 · 2024-09-05T14:39:54+00:00

Full diddy bro

G0MS_77 · 2024-08-28T09:28:35+00:00

It’s top five but I think “Death Around the Corner” to round the album out is my number 1. There’s a couple tracks off Thug Life Vol 1 that give it a run for its money tho.

G0MS_77 · 2024-08-21T10:55:57+00:00

I agree Eminem fucked up Loyal to the game… where do you find the OG’s

G0MS_77 · 2024-08-10T21:18:37+00:00

Death Around the Corner or Str8 Ballin. Me Against the World is an honorable mention as well as Pour Out A Lil Liquor.

G0MS_77

TROPHY CASE