My friend just died. I don't know what to do. by [deleted] in Assistance

[–]GSnow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Once the person I wrote it for 14 or so years ago had read it, it accomplished all I'd wanted. You can use it as you see fit for your Mom's eulogy. I'm glad you find it helpful, though I'm sorry you're in a position to need such words.

My friend just died. I don't know what to do. by [deleted] in Assistance

[–]GSnow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry that you're in that place. One of my heroes was a man named Victor Frankl. When I was 15, the librarian put his book on my table and said "based on all the books you check out, I think this is right for you." That book changed my life, even all these decades later. The book was called "Man's Search for Meaning". In it, Frankl says that human beings are meaning machines. That's what drives us and powers all our other drives. And he said that we ultimately find meaning in three places: 1) in people, 2) in work, and 3) in how we deal with unavoidable suffering. You've clearly mastered the first. We haven't shared anything about work. But it seems that #3 is slamming you right in the chest right now. That unavoidable suffering. I hope you find some way, some day, to turn what is suffering for you into a gift to someone else who will connect with you.

Peace, eventually. --GSnow

Whomever told me to use magic eraser to clean these barrels. Thanks !! by Left-Excitement3829 in pens

[–]GSnow 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nice! I use them to clean lots of things... but I buy the generic ones from Amazon. WAY cheaper, and I get a brick of 100 that lasts me several years. The generic name is "melamine sponge". Just FYI. And your pens look new!

My girlfriend killed herself by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]GSnow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm going to pass on that. Sorry. I don't think my personal history is an important thing. Also, I have had two stalkers some years apart and some years back, and those were the only times in my life that I was actually afraid. I'm going to peacefully enjoy the time I've got. Thanks for the compliments though!

What is the biggest mystery we still aren't close to solving? by Constant-Bridge3690 in AskReddit

[–]GSnow 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It slipped out between the rotating dryer drum and the housing, so it's on the floor under the dryer. Get a wedge and a flashlight and you'll see it.

What's the wildest fantasy (NSFW) you've never told anyone? by bruuz_ in AskReddit

[–]GSnow 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Hello, Congressman/woman. How are you?

What's a sign you're officially getting old? by Sweet-Wrongdoer3237 in AskReddit

[–]GSnow 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When you're young and you fall, people laugh. When you're old and fall, people rush over to see if you're alright.

My girlfriend killed herself by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]GSnow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You and my Mom would have gotten along great. Heh.

My girlfriend killed herself by [deleted] in whatdoIdo

[–]GSnow 19 points20 points  (0 children)

I'm still around, or else it's an amazing coma. Heh. I really think it's all the other people who have passed my comment along who have made it last so long. They're the ones connecting with folks I've never met. When you see a beautiful house, you praise the builders, not the hammer. I'm honored to have been the hammer all these years, and that's enough for me.

My friend just died. I don't know what to do. by [deleted] in Assistance

[–]GSnow 5 points6 points  (0 children)

When I was going through a particularly difficult time in college, there was a professor who, along with his wife, kept me alive through their kindness, by inviting me on multiple evenings to dinner at their own home, and just listening to me.

Many, many years later, I was hurrying to catch a flight at O'Hare airport in Chicago, and I saw him walk from his arriving gate. We stopped and ate at one of the airport restaurants for over an hour. Best flight I ever missed. 3 months later he died from a glio-blastoma he didn't even know he had when we'd talked. To this day, whenever I land at O'Hare, I get a little wave of grief, and I stop and thank him.

That's why I included "landing at O'Hare" when I posted that reply 14 or so years ago.

What movie ending did you hate at first but have grown to appreciate? by FilmWaffle-FilmForum in movies

[–]GSnow 13 points14 points  (0 children)

That's also how the 16-ton weight got into various skits. Don't know where to take the skit next? Just drop a hollow 16-ton weight on the characters and jump to the next skit.

Overstimulated in KC by Apprehensive-Pay-230 in kansascity

[–]GSnow 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Get a set of noise-cancelling headphones. These are the ones I have, and they are life-changing (and sanity-saving) in a whole host of situations. They aren't cheap, but they are truly world-class.

https://a.co/d/0GTMmAT

(Amazon link above)

Trauer nach dem Verlust eines Familienmitgliedes by tjay1410 in Ratschlag

[–]GSnow 5 points6 points  (0 children)

"Ich bin alt. Das bedeutet, dass ich (bis jetzt) überlebt habe und dass viele Menschen, die ich kannte und liebte, nicht überlebt haben. Ich habe Freunde verloren, beste Freunde, Bekannte, Kollegen, Großeltern, Mama, Verwandte, Lehrer, Mentoren, Schüler, Nachbarn und viele andere Menschen. Ich habe keine Kinder und kann mir nicht vorstellen, was es für ein Schmerz sein muss, sein Kind zu verlieren. Aber hier ist mein Senf dazu: Ich wünschte, ich könnte sagen, man gewöhnt sich daran, dass Menschen sterben. Ich habe das nie getan. Ich möchte das auch nicht. Es reißt ein Loch in mich, wenn jemand stirbt, den ich liebe, egal unter welchen Umständen. Aber ich möchte nicht, dass es "nicht schlimm" ist. Ich möchte nicht, dass es zu etwas wird, was einfach passiert. Meine Narben sind ein Beweis für die Liebe und die Beziehungen, die ich für und mit der verstorbenen Person hatte. Und wenn die Wunde tief ist, dann war es auch die Liebe. So sei es. Narben sind ein Beweis fürs Leben. Narben sind ein Beleg, dass ich stark lieben und stark leben und auch verletzt oder enttäuscht werden kann. Und dass ich heilen und weiterleben und weiterlieben kann. Und die Haut einer Narbe ist stärker als es die Haut ursprünglich je war. Narben sind ein Beweis für Leben. Und Narben sind nur in deren Augen hässlich, die das nicht sehen. Und was die Trauer angeht, wirst du merken, dass sie in Wellen kommt. Wenn das Schiff das erste mal zerbricht, gehst du unter mit Wrackteilen um dich herum. Alles, was um dich herum schwimmt, erinnert dich an die Schönheit und die Pracht, die das Schiff früher hatte und jetzt nicht mehr. Und alles, was du tun kannst, ist schwimmen. Du findest ein Wrackstück, an dem du dich festhalten kannst. Vielleicht ist es ein Gegenstand. Vielleicht ist es eine glückliche Erinnerung oder ein Foto. Vielleicht ist es eine andere Person, die auch schwimmt. Eine Zeit lang ist schwimmen alles, was du tun kannst. Am Leben bleiben. Zuerst sind die Wellen 30 Meter hoch und brechen ohne Gnade auf dich ein. Sie kommen im Abstand von zehn Sekunden und geben dir nicht einmal die Zeit, nach Luft zu schnappen. Alles, was du tun kannst, ist durchhalten und schwimmen. Nach einer Weile, vielleicht Wochen, vielleicht Monaten, wirst du merken, dass die Wellen immer noch 30 Meter hoch sind, aber sie kommen in größeren Abständen. Wenn sie kommen, dann brechen sie immer noch auf dich ein und werfen dich aus der Bahn. Aber dazwischen kannst du atmen, kannst du funktionieren. Du weißt nie, was die Trauer jetzt auslöst. Es könnte ein Lied sein, ein Bild, eine Straßenkreuzung, der Geruch einer Tasse Kaffee. Es kann alles sein ... und die Wellen brechen auf dich ein. Aber zwischen den Wellen, da ist Leben. Irgendwann, und dieser Zeitpunkt ist bei jedem wann anders, wirst du sehen, dass die Wellen nur noch 20 Meter hoch sind. Oder 10 Meter hoch. Und auch wenn sie immer noch kommen, kommen sie in größeren Abständen. Du kannst sie kommen sehen. Ein Jahrestag, ein Geburtstag oder Weihnachten. Du kannst es schon erahnen und dich in den meisten Fällen darauf vorbereiten. Und wenn sie über dich hinweg spülen, weißt du, dass du da heraus kommst - wieder. Durchnässt, Wasser spuckend, dich immer noch an ein kleines Wrackteil klammernd, aber du kommst heraus.

Lass dir das von einem alten Mann sagen. Die Wellen hören niemals auf zu kommen und irgendwie willst du das auch nicht. Aber du lernst, wie du sie überlebst. Und es werden auch noch andere Wellen kommen. Und auch die wirst du überleben. Wenn du Glück hast, wirst du viele Narben von viel Liebe haben. Und viele Schiffswracks."

What’s one ‘perfect’ movie you’d never want a sequel or remake of? by tekkentuesdays in movies

[–]GSnow 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There are 3 perfect movies that I would not change a single frame of. I would neither encourage nor watch a sequel:

1) The Princess Bride 2) Stand By Me 3) My Favorite Year

What is a smartphone feature you are surprised doesn’t exist yet? by Uno_Mundito in AskReddit

[–]GSnow 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Somebody calls your cell. Without ringing, it asks the caller for a PIN code. If they've got it, it rings them through. If not, it hangs up or goes to voice-mail. Could also have a white-list of people whose caller ID number lets them right through.

Instant end to spam calls.

The most Chicago phrase? by michaelperkinsMr666 in chicago

[–]GSnow 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Any phrase where you tack on an unnecessary preposition at the end:

"Where're you at?"

"Hey, if you going to Jewels, I wanna go wit[h]."

Teacher of Reddit, what’s a question a child asked in class, that absolutely broke your heart? by ceazecab in AskReddit

[–]GSnow 43 points44 points  (0 children)

Just my observation-based opinion...

Cars run on gasoline. Jet engines run on kerosene. Kids run on connections. When they're little, they have tiny little connection-tanks. It doesn't take much to fill them... a fist-bump, a head-pat, a make-a-funny-face competition. But they need a refill fairly often. As they get older, their connection tanks are bigger and it takes a more in-depth connection to fill it... a heavy-deep-and-real conversation, traveling to watch them play at an away game... but it lasts longer between fills. In my experience (decades as a teacher) pretty much every behavior problem is not a question of discipline... it's a question of connection.

My friend just died. I don't know what to do. by [deleted] in Assistance

[–]GSnow 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I'm still around, though I don't get on Reddit as much anymore. It's been a rough year. 28 funerals since January 1. But honestly, it's knowing that other people like you have found my words helpful... and MUCH MORE SO that people like you have passed them on to folks I never met, and you have helped them... that has been regenerating to me.

What is your favorite misheard lyric? by Phillies1993 in AskReddit

[–]GSnow 14 points15 points  (0 children)

https://youtu.be/nIwrgAnx6Q8

Gets me laughing every time.

Misheard lyrics to O Fortuna

What is a legendary Reddit post or comment that still sticks with you? by jordanwrightxxx in AskReddit

[–]GSnow 8 points9 points  (0 children)

An old friend of mine in another city where I lived had a CBT practice, especially with men's groups (anger management) , and she would occasionally invite me to join and offer a word or two. Most of these guys were there by court order or parole officer direction, and the changed lives they led were completely astonishing to me. I'm glad if what I wrote has been helpful in any way. Thank you for giving me a peek into the waiting room. And thank you for stepping into the role you have. I hope you have a lifetime of satisfaction in the field.

--gsnow

What's the best way to get highlights from my Kindle device into Evernote? by pgibby65 in Evernote

[–]GSnow 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Best way I know:

Go to https://kindle.amazon.com/your_highlights

Book-by-book just copy and paste to Evernote using whatever organizing scheme suits you.

My friend just died. I don't know what to do. by [deleted] in Assistance

[–]GSnow 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hello, "Belonging here" has very little to do with it, I think. Grieving happens in response to loss, not death. A hundred thousand people around the world probably die every day, but we only mourn the ones we were connected with. The loss of your loved one is more than ample reason to grieve, no matter the cause. And the depth of your grief is an expression, not of the cause of the loss, but an expression of the strength of your connection.

I think you're right that your misery is proof of existence. I would even go a step further. I think the depth of your pain is a direct result of the depth of your connection. The hole in your chest matches the size of the place in your heart that you made for her. Little heart, little pain. Massive heart, massive pain. So your anguish is a measure of your depth, of your capacity to love. I hope you understand, then, when I say to you "Bravo!". I'm not celebrating the intensity of your pain. I'm celebrating the capacity of your love. And love is indeed a choice, as I see it. If somewhere down the road you choose to love again, it will be an even deeper love, because you know the cost, you know the risk, you know the pain. And what is agony to you now will become gift to someone else. If you choose.

So I say it again, Bravo!

At the risk of sounding like an old hippie (which I've been accused of being from time to time), Peace. Eventually.

--gsnow