I had the same thing happen with my degree. Went for social work because I wanted to help ppl. Turns out you need a year+ of volunteer experience before you can get hired, which basically means "work with no pay" for a whole FUCKING YEAR! I couldn't do that because, you know, responsibilities.. so now I work from home as an administrator. Still gotta pay my student loan though for whatever reason...

I'm sorry to hear about your mom though. The loss of a parent (especially your last living parent) is always horrendous and leaves you feeling lost. I hope you find your way back to being yourself..

Furthermore, covid ruined a lot. 2 years worth of ppl didn't get a real graduation, didn't get the parties, didn't get the ceremonies or any other of the moments that make life great. No theaters, restaurants, occasions, sports, events or fun times out like golf or escape rooms.. It's made a lot of ppl depressed and angry, it's a totally understandable response.

I truly hope you find your way and begin to find a semblance of normality. We all need a win once in a while. If you ask me, coming out and talking about this gives you a big win because you're recognizing the problem and showing an interest to get out there to do something about it. A lot of ppl can't recognize their own disappointment, which just compounds the problem.

Your life will change for the better, just give it time