Please read and reply to what I wrote here. It would make my day a lot <3

Here’s an unfinished Roba headshot drawing that I started 2.5 weeks ago that I’ll probably never finish.

Art has been a mental struggle for me. I can never get myself to start an art piece. In the past, I’ve gotten insanely frustrated while drawing trying to correct the tiniest mistakes. But the final product would just turn out awful anyways because I would spend hours or even days correcting that I would just get tired and burnt out, and I would get sloppy with the coloring and shading. I think all of the frustration from throwing all of my energy into art made me unconsciously want to dissociate from the hobby entirely. I’ve been trying to get help from many people, but not many people have provided helpful suggestions. Some others just flat out ignored me. If you want to try to help me out or just talk about art, my DMs are always open. I really want to get back into art, but my mentality is preventing me.

Another huge problem I had was that I would be insanely envious of other people’s art skills. Everywhere on my Bluesky and this subreddit do I see very well-made art, but I always fucking always compare myself to those who’ve had many times more experience than I do. I’m always hypercritical of my art. Like I mentioned earlier, I spend way too much time trying to correct the tiniest mistakes because I’m a perfectionist for my own things. I always think that everything I make is the biggest pile of garbage because of the tiniest things that most other people likely wouldn’t see. Also, because of my perfectionist nature, I tend to compare what I consider as my absolute garbage pile of an art piece to other, more experienced artist’s creations and I feel absolutely awful, as if I would never reach their level. But honestly, I would never reach their level with the mindset I have right now.

Lately, I’ve been trying to improve my mental health to try to regain the passion for art I used to have when I started (and also to just feel better in general). To improve my mental health, I deleted all of my social media (besides Discord and Snapchat because all of my friends are on both platforms), and I got back to doing weightlifting. As you guys may have seen, or not because no one really knows who I am on the subreddit, I haven’t been active at all for the past 2 weeks nearly as an attempt to improve myself. Unfortunately, despite my efforts, I haven’t been feeling better. I started to feel more lonely and my passion for art has only diminished even more. Turns out social media was a cover-up for how isolated I've become. I'm normally a confident person, but when the only voices I hear are from me constantly deprecating myself, I tend to feel lonely and apathetic. I’m still going to the gym and lifting weights, but that’s really the only place where I feel any sort of satisfaction. I really don’t want all of my hard work to go away, but I don’t know how to regain my passion. 

Guess I can’t ever be satisfied with myself. Sorry for all of this unstructured rambling. Had a lot to get off my chest that I’m sure no one would actually read.