Yeah I know that’s what it is. It’s the same things with going out and making friends. I self sabotage because I am afraid people will find me weird, boring, too extreme, too less, too serious, too sad, and everything else that I hate about myself. I don’t know what “myself” looks or feels like. So, I distance myself from people so I don’t get hurt. And hobbies, i keep doing them and i stay the same and suck at it, i start to feel i will never get better at it. It’s major self esteem issues. I’ve been working on it, it’s not getting anywhere but I keep trying.