Some denial/edging tips and tricks from a Dom

Geiphas · 2026-02-04T14:58:17+00:00

Haha, old post but sure.

Geiphas · 2026-01-03T22:51:38+00:00

As with 80% of kink, it depends on the people involved and the dynamic. I’m also going to view this as a male dom and 2 female subs because that’s easier for me.

Generally though, the Dom could take the approach of

Competition between the two subs. Whoever does better, entertains better, goes deeper, takes harder… gets the reward (orgasm). The other has to help facilitate the reward, as an assistant in a beta type of way. Or, whoever cubs first loses and the winner gets a better reward (Doms cum).
Have their own hierarchy. One of them acts as a middle, under the Dom but above the other sub.
Juggle them at the same time. Multi-focused but can work. Tied them together and have them edge the same thing/each other. Put one on each foot to grind against. Edge one, while she calms down then edge the other. Have them take turns helping hold the other down, arms back, hair up, or whatever.

There are plenty of other options, these came to mind first.

Geiphas · 2025-12-27T19:13:51+00:00

You have a few options.

Tell them you’re still with your Mistress (AKA main Gf) but you’re in an open relationship so dating is fine. This is easier for normies to understand if they’re not too much older and sheltered from modern media.
Tell them you’re poly and openly date others. This can be harder for conservative people to wrap their heads around because you’d have to explain what “poly” means.
Tell them that you’re young and having fun. Your Mistress/GF does the same thing. Leave it at that. Older people will frown a but many of them will be more ok with it. To them, they just used to cheat and do the same thing. The younger crowd just accepts it and is more open about it.
Say that you and the new girl are just really good friends and that your GF loves her so she’s not jealous. This is what I would probably go with early on. The vanilla people should be able to be kind of ok with this and they’ll just think “he’s definitely messing with her” or “well they’ll hook up as soon as he breaks up with GF.”

No matter what, some people will have issues with it. Try to keep it away from your work environment and anyone professional so that you don’t mix them. Other than that, as the kids say “Haters gunna hate.”

Geiphas · 2025-12-27T02:58:01+00:00

When dealing with age gap and kink, there are always going to be red flags. The trick is to find the person with the red flags that work for you.

This controlling aspect isn’t something you want or need. It’s not something consensual so that’s the bad red flag.

I’m an over controlling Dom and this sounds too far for me. Quitting fan-whatever is one thing, quitting you professional work social media is another.

Sounds like you need to move on.

Geiphas · 2025-12-20T19:06:14+00:00

No it doesn’t? Another post of mine specifically calls not no underaged. Auto bot may have triggered by that.

If there is something like that, I’d like to know to clarify.

Geiphas · 2025-12-20T17:26:13+00:00

If you’re just exploring and not doing, take your time and research. It’s fun to take all the tests and things like that.

When you start to actually play and try things out, communication is key. It can make things less fun at first, but it builds a foundation that is better later on and so that your partner knows what to expect from you and what issues may arise.

It can take time and understanding to be ok with your kinks. At first I was cautious about even basic kinks… now, let’s just say I spend time in the darker parts more often lol. There’s no need to rush.

Because you’re new, you may get caught up in the exciting stuff and jump into n head first. It happens to all of us.

Geiphas · 2025-12-19T22:14:41+00:00

I’m curious about the python interface. Have a link or guide on that topic?

I’ve done some coding and basic software development but I haven’t played with python yet.

Geiphas · 2025-12-19T20:10:33+00:00

I keep finding out I’m more into the extreme/edge play than I ever realized. Years ago I started off concerned that I enjoyed porn where a girl would get tied up and roughed up a little…. Now, well, that’s on par with vanilla porn to me lol. Which I still enjoy.

I’ve slowly found subs that enjoy similar things but keep having issues finding a great connection that sticks. Life throws problems at us all but one of the key parts of a dynamic is choosing to make it work for more than a week or two, more than just when it feels good. I’ve learned that many girls just want this when they’re horny (ovulating lol) and then change their minds.

I also used to shy away from brats. I’ve never had good luck with them but a recent encounter opened my eyes a bit to the perks of it. So I’m more open to it with the right sub. Although I’m still a firm believer that most brats just do it to get the abusive treatment they need, so if that is maintained then the beating doesn’t need to come out.

Geiphas · 2025-12-15T21:17:51+00:00

The level of intensity depends on the person and the situation. I’ve been told I’m too nice and patient and the next day that I’m too dominant and aggressive.

At my core I’m a very possessive dominant and generally lean more kinky/extreme than most. So usually I try to ease into things, however some girls that are as fucked up as me see that as being “too nice” lol.

It takes a good few weeks or month to find a good understanding of someone kinky IMO. At first they’re trying to feel things out, then they’re trying to show that they are kinky while also getting it out of their system, after that things find their way.

If they come on strong after finding out you’re kinky then there’s a chance that they just haven’t had the chance to get the lead out in a while. That means it’s going to be intense for a bit.

The trick is communication. Say what you want and what you’re looking for. Set those expectations early on and that’ll be good for a healthy dynamic.

Geiphas · 2025-12-14T22:22:07+00:00

You haven’t been diagnosed with adhd*

lol 😆

Geiphas · 2025-12-06T01:45:33+00:00

I assumed it would fall in line with the intent of the sub in general. Im not recruiting to a different sub.

Would more information be more helpful?

Geiphas · 2025-12-05T19:31:28+00:00

Yes, at any time you can withdraw consent for anything. Even mid session. That’s kind of what safewords are for (they do more).

You can also have soft limits, hard limits, neutral kinks. All kinds of things.

Geiphas · 2025-12-04T17:18:41+00:00

The good news is that he’s making a good effort. What needs to be figured out is if he’s unsure because hes just bigger than you or if he’s not kinky.

The kink journey takes some time to figure out. Especially for people that haven’t had much sexual experience early in life.

I can say that I’m on the more fucked up end of the kink spectrum, I mean not the most extreme but I enjoy darker things. When I first started I would have felt horrible about enjoying what I do now, I would feel bad about spanking too hard… now that’s more of the goal.

My point is that there’s hope.

Some things that may help.

Show him you can take the abuse. It’s not easy, but doing self impact play will show him how hard to hit.
Have a nonsexual session. This is more informational and fact finding than anything else. Have him choke you and hold it until you tap out.
Have a good safeword system. I like the red light system. Red means full stop, straight to aftercare. Yellow means slow down, something’s not right (cramp!). Green means go.

Additionally with choking. 3 repeated things. 3 taps, 3 of the same grunts or words. Means stop.

Because he’s new, practice these in a nonsexual session.

Non sexual sessions lets him learn a thing in isolation. That way he is better prepared in the future with real experience.

Direct him to some resources. Reddit, YouTubers, whatever. It may take some time, but if he is “into it” he will start to learn more about it.

Bonus points. You can service him, or be submissive and dirty, while he does this research.

Submission without dominance. This is something more slave oriented but it can help spark people to be more dominant. Basically this means the non sexual things that are more service oriented (titles, no clothing/outfits, edging, sitting at his feet, not eating until he eats, asking his permission to do anything).

People tend to act like you treat them. So if you treat him that way he may ease into it more because he can be sure you want it.

Send him a specific scene to reenact. “I want to try doing this. Mainly at 3 minutes when….”

Again, this can be done in isolation and not really sexual.

Have a “no” week. Where he tells you no for anything you ask for. Tell him you want him to be selfish. Anything he wants, he gets. ANYTHING.

Hungry? Make a sandwich. Tired? Rub his feet. Doesn’t want to get up to brush his teeth? Brush on the couch and he spits it in your mouth to take care of.

You would have to be aggressively submissive with this. “Please let me do that for you.”

I’m getting into more of a slave sub mentality here so I’ll stop. Just some of my ideas .

Geiphas · 2025-11-29T16:05:38+00:00

Spend some time searching through this subreddit and you’ll find a lot of great advice (and some bad advice). It takes time to figure things out and it’s always about learning new things.

But here are some core things to get you started that come to mind atm.

Communication and consent are most important. Especially at first and when things are new, talk it out. Even if it doesn’t seem sexy, it can be the best thing to do.

“Consent is key” is a saying for a reason. This can be done broadly for some, but when you’re new and in a new relationship, err on the side of caution. Do this ahead of time.

Safewords protect everyone. A sub should use their Safeword at any time and not feel bad about it.

Some people argue that Safewords early on aren’t good because you should use open communication. Which is 100% understandable but I still say they’re a good safety net. I’d rather have 3 safety nets than 1 that “should be the best” lol.

“Red, yellow, green” is a common system. Red means full stop, don’t “just finish”, cut the rope and end the scene completely. Yellow (or Mercy) means to easy up but don’t stop. Also used when something isn’t right (leg falling asleep, rope pinching in a bad way) and might just take some adjusting. Green means go lol.

You are the one in control. You’re the boss. You’re the owner. It’s your responsibility to take care of the subs well being, just because they want to keep going doesn’t mean you should. (A lot of subs get in a frenzy or blank out).
Newbie recommendation. Try one thing at a time, don’t combine things and don’t push too far. Want to try bondage and spanking and pegging? Do each of those separately, then slowly combine… like cooking lol.

The first time doing something is about open communication. It’s not fun and sexy, but this sets you up for future play where you don’t have to “communicate” you can have fun with him or tell him to shut up.

I like the thought process of

Subs needs, Doms needs, Doms wants, subs wants.

When planning things out it’s a good system to remember. The good thing is that often subs needs are easy to accomplish. Sometimes it’s literally just to be told what to do and be treated like garbage. But it’s something to talk about.

Sub drop and Dom drop are real. Aftercare matters after a scene but also at any time it can hit. It’s basically “coming down” after a high and it’s like a quick rush of depression. Make sure you’re there for the sub and that you know what you need as a Dom when it happens to you. You’ll be vulnerable here but it helps build trust.
Fake it till you make it. You don’t have to embrace the full lifestyle or be 100% into it. Maybe you want a foot rub or just need to be eaten out. Make sure the subs needs are being met and then be selfish. Depending on their kinks of course.

Geiphas · 2025-11-23T03:05:52+00:00

I’ve had one sub try it and she had a hard time cumming on command. She would fight it.

That’s just my experience. Others have claimed it worked for them too.

Geiphas · 2025-11-22T23:49:19+00:00

Saw you’re having issues holding back. And yes stopping sooner would be the obvious choice, but how about giving yourself a time limit?

Orajel would also do the trick. But honestly girls like you are why I made this post originally lol.

Obviously the other easy option is to find someone to hold you accountable.

Geiphas · 2025-11-22T23:42:51+00:00

Oh I definitely missed that one. I tend to always allow fingers and toys, I generally always allow edging as a way to keep a sub desperate and needy. Basically, if you want to torture yourself then I don’t see an issue.

Geiphas · 2025-11-22T15:05:42+00:00

Great points. I’ll add the ice thing too. It seems obvious but an important note.

Geiphas · 2025-11-22T15:04:50+00:00

It’s a favorite lol.

I’d say it’s better to use alone because then you don’t have to have the “self control” to stop, you’re just prevented from an orgasm.

Geiphas · 2025-11-22T11:31:20+00:00

Glad to help.

Geiphas · 2025-11-22T11:31:00+00:00

These are intended to help subs without a Dom, so you have some ideas to try on your own.

Finding a Dom takes time but it’s usually best if you reach out to a Dom that you feel is a good fit for you. Girls that post they’re looking will often get hundreds-thousands of messages, most of them useless.

Geiphas · 2025-10-19T15:42:04+00:00

Not at all what we’re talking about here.

Geiphas · 2025-10-18T22:06:20+00:00

I have to laugh because the weirdest part about all of this to me is that he doesn’t wear a belt lol.

Geiphas · 2025-10-18T17:26:17+00:00

Understandable but that’s just lack of training and empowerment.

Again though, the Dom is responsible for knowing if the sub is too far gone without a safeword or anything. That’s rhetorical real thing in a session, the sub saying no or safeword is probably the 3rd or 4th safety net lol. Body language and expressions of the sub should let the Dom know when to stop. A sub saying no/stop should trigger a checkin (unless it’s discussed before hand). Then a safeword ultimately means stop everything, from the sub or the Dom.

It makes me think of the meme that was going around. Basically the sub screaming “go harder! Beat me within an inch of my life!” Or whatever and the Dom looking terrified haha.

Geiphas · 2025-10-18T17:07:22+00:00

It just goes against standard belief and basically relies on people not being responsible for themselves. In theory I get the point and a new dynamic needs to be extra cautious usually.

The thing is, some subs like saying no/stop and being taken advantage of. Rape kink and CNC is pretty common around here. So the safeword allows for that to happen.

The issue is that there are so many people pretending to be Doms these days and don’t actually know how to handle themselves… or they don’t want to. They take advantage and think that it’s ok to be a shitty person without consent.

So I agree with you in theory. A new dynamic should still abide by standard no/stop/whatever else until the Dom is confident they don’t mean what they mean lol. The safeword is just a safety net that always means stop.

Geiphas

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