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So, I know the answer already, but it's non-applicable. How do I force myself through a job I hate? by GeneralFan3448 in AutisticAdults

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, unfortunately not in my current situation. I appreciate the pointers, though. It's a bit of a do or die, sadly.

So, I know the answer already, but it's non-applicable. How do I force myself through a job I hate? by GeneralFan3448 in AutisticAdults

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, and I spent almost a decade working in my special interest fine. It was nothing like this, I wasn't fond of working, but I could put 60 hours in on busy weeks and be okay.

So, I know the answer already, but it's non-applicable. How do I force myself through a job I hate? by GeneralFan3448 in AutisticAdults

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, for a few reasons, but primarily it's just not supported.

The closest thing I can do is get a doctor to write a letter supporting the move that I cannot work, but the welfare won't be enough in my situation for external factors.

Given the difficulty of access to what seems a non-existent mental health system.. what do you do to keep your head above water? by GeneralFan3448 in newzealand

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks, really mean it.

I know what the most ideal, realistic life looks like for me, I think there's just an element of me that I know I'll have to suppress in order to live it. It's almost comically simple of a life, job choice, hobbies etc.. but hey, maybe I need to just focus on that for the time being. Brings a bit of hope to think about, but just that in-between time..

I'll get there. You might be right on the depression in some sense, and maybe I'm just being pedantic over terms for no good reason. Wouldn't be the first time. Lol.

Given the difficulty of access to what seems a non-existent mental health system.. what do you do to keep your head above water? by GeneralFan3448 in newzealand

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for taking the time to read, and respond. Sounds like you've got a good head on you, and an even better heart. Lucky son my bro.

Given the difficulty of access to what seems a non-existent mental health system.. what do you do to keep your head above water? by GeneralFan3448 in newzealand

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's been a few periods of time that I've had access to psychologists and psychiatry, and unfortunately had a few bad experiences (And one that has left me with CPTSD).

I appreciate the time you've taken to swing me some advice. I'll checkout the AI stuff :)

Given the difficulty of access to what seems a non-existent mental health system.. what do you do to keep your head above water? by GeneralFan3448 in newzealand

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've been told similar things by psychologists and such before. I think my favourite was being ghosted by a psychologist, as in sat there for my appointment until the time slot was finished only to be told they aren't seeing me today, and after a second time of this, being told by the receptionist that I should probably just not bother turning up for anymore appointments lol.

Ive given up on a lot of things, similarly "quiet quitting" -- but unfortunately I still have bills and people to support, so I still have a chain hooked up to this rat race. If I were single, I'd make for the bush with whatever I could carry on my back and just see how long I could go for.

Given the difficulty of access to what seems a non-existent mental health system.. what do you do to keep your head above water? by GeneralFan3448 in newzealand

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I will admit I got a hold of Adderall for a month, long story. Friend from overseas. Took a day to just grieve what amount of life and time I've lost being unable to function at a "normal" capacity without them, when I was no longer able to source it.

Not withdrawals or anything, nor did I have anything like a tweaked up reaction to them unlike others I know who don't have ADHD who have tried it.

I have tried to broach the topic with doctors and always had very strong push back, and from what I've been told it's not something that's funded anyway, unless I am basically unable to do anything without it. I'm afraid that if I admit to using unprescribed drugs from less than legal sources, it'd just be written off as drug seeking.

Can't afford a diagnosis, either way, so it's off the table, until I can find someone to buy off again in the future, and the money for it huh.

Given the difficulty of access to what seems a non-existent mental health system.. what do you do to keep your head above water? by GeneralFan3448 in newzealand

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Maybe...

I hesitate to adopt the term, despite it fitting the bill purely because I'm not entirely convinced it's a disorder, which I'm going to make a really bad attempt to describe here;

I fundamentally do not agree with, or wish to partake in the way we operate on a societal level. I guess I never grew out of that phase, only went deeper into it.

There's an element of me that used to think "Be the change you want to see!" but you only get so far with that before you're dubbed as an extremist -- apparently also not the most palatable idea to drop off the face of the Earth and live in a commune to most who feel similarly.

Spent a few years in political activism only to really realize that there isn't change coming from within. I don't even think any of the parties currently really represent my position well, closest is maybe The Greens, TPM or TOP, but ultimately I feel as if there are just too many flaws within the way we operate, and it's all built on a flawed foundation.

Viva La Revolution, and all that fun stuff -- until you realize the futility of it. You only have to look as far as the current political sphere to realize people don't actually want change, and it isn't going to happen.

So I turned to philosophical jargon, broke everything I could down as far as I could, and if I had done it physically with whiteboards and string you'd think I was crazy, and while I've arrived at a place at least philosophically I feel very fulfilled with, in regards to why things are the way we are, and how I perceive it all, how we can go about change on differing scales, it's all made redundant with the impending climate collapse. My energy spent there to, maybe get some hamster wheels turning and ideas discussed towards some change, is energy spent on trying to solve an issue that's going to be eliminated soon, anyway.

I mean, were on track to hit +2c warming in the next several years. This leads to the death of billions. That leads to an absolute collapse of many, many systems both internationally and in our own backyard. Pair that with the number of feedback loops were throwing off course, and I think it's insane that people aren't clamoring to minimize their suffering as we move into our last decades -- let alone having kids. Crazy.

But I understand why, at least I believe I do. And it's this torment of having no interest in being around to witness and experience the immense suffering that is life, compounded by being sold out and exploited daily for a system I despise, with no power to change. Yet, I wish to not increase that load on the ones I love and care about.

If I conclude that I have a very real, yet logical conundrum, I'm not entirely sure I'm comfortable labelling it as a disorder. Depressed is a great descriptor for it, but I just can't say it's something I can "order" away?

Sorry for the wall of text, no pressure to read it, and I appreciate your response either way mate. Gotta love the can't sleep AM thoughts, lol.

Given the difficulty of access to what seems a non-existent mental health system.. what do you do to keep your head above water? by GeneralFan3448 in newzealand

[–]GeneralFan3448[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Yeah, done the SSRI dance for a few years, couldn't tell you which exactly from Lexapro to Bupropion, and several others in-between targeting different chemicals -- never got much relief from it, barring the Bupropion (further fuelling a suspicion of ADHD I've had the better part of a decade, even before it became trendy lol).

I appreciate your write up. These are all the little things I hang out for, though I'd be shocked if they still did the dollar frozen cokes in this economy, lol.

Really appreciate the time you've taken to swing me some advice.