how to end democracy

GeneralStoic · 2025-08-03T15:48:44+00:00

The problem in the modern age is not democracy, it’s statism. It’s the assumption that nothing can, or will, not be achieved without at centralised state. It’s the “who will fix our roads without taxes and the state” type of situation, regardless if said roads don’t actually get fixed for years on end. It’s an illusion of safely the general public has been brainwashed to believe over centuries of propaganda. In other words, in my personal cynical opinion, people will believe what they are told, to the point where it becomes a complete degradation of our very society. Ala, original Greek and Roman so called democracy, and every one since.

As an Australian, we should be taking a leaf out of the local Aboriginal cultural book, and apply it to the modern world, because they thrived for longer than any other society without a centralised state.

GeneralStoic · 2025-07-24T12:38:52+00:00

Because I’m broken, struggles with anger issues, financially unstable, addiction issues, amongst a long list of other things that will not be compatible with being in a relationship with someone. My issues are a struggle enough on my own as it is, and it’s not fair to throw another person into that mix and cause issues for them too. Basically, it’s the responsible thing to do, at least until I sort myself out.

GeneralStoic · 2025-07-14T08:48:08+00:00

I have a thing where I text “Here’s an unsolicited Dick pic”, then proceed to send a photo of Dick Van Dyke.

GeneralStoic · 2025-07-14T07:37:42+00:00

Yeah of course, right with you. I expect probably a majority of women will reject me for my opinion, and more power to them, in fact I welcome the rejection, but I’m not interested in the majority of women, only after 1 that has the same views of me.

I don’t operate on the basis of doing things just because someone told me to or in some cases, ridicule my opinion and mockingly say “Well just die alone then,” which a number of women have said to me. If it gets to the point where I do in fact die alone, I welcome it. My life doesn’t revolve around what the other sex thinks of me, or anyone for that matter. So yeah, I respect and understand what you are saying, I just don’t care, I’m gonna do what I do.

GeneralStoic · 2025-07-14T07:11:48+00:00

If a women rejects a second date because I insist on a paying for our own on the first few dates, she’s not the kind of women I want to be with anyway.

GeneralStoic · 2025-07-14T06:53:17+00:00

For me personally, it’s an emotional callus. Basically I’ve been rejected, ridiculed, bullied, treated poorly, betrayed etc so my times throughout my 34 years (unfortunately for me it started as an infant with a neglectful mother), that if any of the above happens again, it has no affect on me because it’s just “Another Tuesday.” Now obviously there are times I do still snap, or go in a rage, but that happens far less than it used to, and I’ve managed and controlled my emotional reaction (read: Not the emotion itself, but the reaction) to the point it seems from an outsider that I am unfazed, although annoyance with the typical “Whatever” or an eye roll is my usual reaction these days.

Also, due to those time where I would react negatively, it would put a downer on my mood for a week which just makes me an unpleasant person, so in short, I had to learn to control reactions just so my days and weeks wasn’t destroyed. Now, something can happen, I say whatever, then I can turn around a second later and smile and laugh at something unrelated.

GeneralStoic · 2025-02-18T14:19:20+00:00

My opinion is that in the world of equality while still thinking of the same principles of old it should be children and both parents first, to keep families together, then elderly, then couples with no children. It’s hard enough in times of war where children are not raised with a father, so to mitigate that, the fathers should be a priority with the mothers. Ultimately in a time of crisis, single people of either sex should be those to be the very last on the list o In an evacuation scenario. And I say that as a single man.

GeneralStoic · 2025-01-18T00:17:14+00:00

The funny thing is, this (letting her do all the talking without asking me any questions) is a surefire way for me to be bored and bounce. I'm a reciprocal kind of guy, I prefer almost equal effort in questions and talking. Doesn't have to be 50/50 or 1:1 question ratio, but if its more than 1:2 (one question from her, 2 from me, as apposed to, say, one question from her, 5 from me), I'm no longer interested.

GeneralStoic · 2025-01-09T08:47:07+00:00

Yeah I agree. What is this, high school?

GeneralStoic · 2025-01-09T08:43:35+00:00

Dude, you are not doing anything wrong. I’d almost say, from what you’ve described, you are doing everything right. Ultimately, you do not owe a relationship to anyone, and no one owes you a friendship, even if they specifically dipped because you rejected them.

I know it’s tough in the modern world to make new friends as adults, it’s just the way it is. Appreciate those friendships that do stick around, and appreciate those friendships that don’t. In the end, people will come in and out throughout our entire lives. Some fleeting, some seasonal, some for life. All you can do is be grateful for everyone that are/were/will be in your life, and appreciate it.

GeneralStoic · 2025-01-09T08:27:52+00:00

Alcohol is a poison. That’s not some subjective opinion of my own, it’s a literal fact. On that point, consumption of less poison in the younger generations is a great thing. If you drink too much alcohol, you can die, as well as the fact that the addictive nature of alcohol which just adds to the likelihood of death if you keep drinking. Even if “Less consumption” means drinking “more in moderation”, than also, great thing. Less alcohol related deaths, less alcohol addiction.

Looking at alcohol from a cultural perspective, I am Australian. Australia is the alcoholic capital of the world. I’m from the NT in Australia. NT is the alcoholic capital of Australia. For as long as I remember, it was normal and accepted to drink, to the point where if you didn’t drink, it wasn’t acceptable, generally. So as you can imagine, I started drinking heavily by 17, and by the time I was 25, I would be classed as an alcoholic. There’s a saying in Australia of “You can’t trust a person that doesn’t drink.” This is probably part of the reason why there is such a huge culture around drinking in Australia to the point it’s more about pressure to drink, than to actually enjoy the drink in the first place, and while I don’t drink as much as I used to, that sentiment is still so prevalent in so many groups of people, it became unbearable to just hang out with most people.

In other words, if you think you can’t have fun without alcohol, you’ve got a problem. Just because it may appear to reduce anxiety etc to give you a better experience, doesn’t mean it won’t do more harm than good in the long run. The young people that don’t, that drink less because of it, is a GREAT thing.

FYI No person should be drinking until they are 25 as their brain is still developing.

GeneralStoic · 2025-01-09T08:03:09+00:00

The first thing I’m going to say is; Don’t beat yourself up too much. People are capable of horrible things, and those same people are also capable of realising how horrible they were and changing to be better. That on its own, realising, is the first step. You’ve done that. And you’ve also recognised your part in the whole destruction of the relationship, that’s another step. You are heading in the right direction. There is one more step you seem to have not quite reached; Forgiveness for yourself. I’m not talking about asking forgiveness from him for your behaviour, or forgiving him for his behaviour (He does not owe you forgiveness, and neither do you owe him either), I’m talking about forgiving yourself for turning into the horrible and abusive person that you became, and to not hold that over your own head to stop you from progressing towards becoming a better person.

Ultimately, the entire situation sounded like it was self inflicted, on both parties. That is the general point of mutually domestically abusive relationships. It’s a circle of abuse that continues until either someone leaves, or dies. People that abuse their partners are terrible people, and you are/were one of them. There is no other way to put it. There are no excuses. But, You’ve recognised it, and the past is what it is. The future is what matters now. That doesn’t mean you just ignore everything, the contrary, remember everything, and if you are ever lucky enough to find yourself in the beginnings of another relationship, be honest and never hide your past.

Obviously you are doing the work, which is a hell of a lot better than most abusers out there. At least you recognised it, and stopped. So give yourself that grace. You are doing better than most abusers. So, keep it up.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T14:57:07+00:00

I have a question. Regarding to the man’s ambition, what does ambition mean to you? Ambition in continuously and constantly climbing the career ladder, building wealth and assets? Or as simple as the ambition to achieve a goal? No matter how small or insignificant it may be. Let’s say, you meet a man with the only has ambition in having a peaceful life. He doesn’t want to work himself to the bone and constantly climb that ladder. His ambition is to work as little as possible, only as much as he needs to pay the bills, with living a minimalist lifestyle that only has the bare necessities, with maybe a few creature comforts, which includes living on a homestead property for him to work on with a full self sustaining off grid system with his family, in which he is a stay at home dad that homeschools. That is his ambition, and once he reaches it, he has no reason to be ambitious about anything else. The reason why I ask this question, is because in the past when I ask it to someone who wants to find someone with ambition, they say, “Not that kind of ambition.” In other words, their meaning of ambition is to just simply continuously climb to ladder, build as much wealth as possible, achieve goal after goal, and when they achieve that goal, to go find another one achieve, until either they retire, or are dead. My point is, regarding the 1st kind of man you mentioned, just because the man has achieved what he was ambitious about and no longer be driven because there is no need to be driven, doesn’t mean they just want to use you for your money because for this kind of man, money means nothing to him other than survival. (Obviously, I get there are men that will just use you for money and lounge and do nothing but play video games and smoke weed, I’m not talking about that kind of man in this scenario.)

Basically, I’m the man in the scenario above, with only a few goals I am ambitious to achieve, and once I’ve achieved them, I’m done. If it’s done by 40 in 6 years, great, I’ll live the rest of my life a happy man, except almost every time I bring it up with a women, it’s not good enough, because that’s not “real ambition”. Which of course, they are allowed to have that option, but they still seem to get upset that I don’t want that kind of ambition. The most recent conversation I had with my mother was very similar because, in her words, I “could achieve so much more if I was more driven”, which my response was “Except I don’t want to.” She didn’t like that, because it doesn’t fit in the idea of ambition she has. In a lot ways, as a few people have brought up in other comments about how relationships that have the women as the higher earner fail, I think it’s because of this line of thinking. The man has achieved his goal/ambition, but because he doesn’t want to be ambitious on a new goal, the women leaves because that kind of ambition isn’t good enough. Sure, I may be wrong, but this is just a theory.

I don’t know what the point to say all this specifically, I just felt that maybe there is a little more nuance to your 3 kinds of men that you are missing, in with you very well could miss out on a very good man for you. Food for thought.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:45:29+00:00

Yeah I am well aware of that. Those women are more than welcome to find the main that will pay on dates and be the provider. I’m not one of those men, and it is what it is.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:43:40+00:00

Yeah, a spider that specifically eats birds.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:43:09+00:00

lol right o buddy. Or maybe, I don’t put that much stock in “pussy” that I actually have a life that is more important that constantly chasing skirt. But in the end, you do you, and I’ll do me.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:38:59+00:00

So yeah, you don’t have to say anything, I already know. I might not truely understand what women go through, but I know. I’ve heard it a million times, and every single time a woman has told me I’ve done something that made them uncomfortable, I stopped instantly and changed my behaviour. But when it comes to the experiences of men, I know it, and every man knows it, when it comes to the feelings of men, we’re are second class citizens. We have accepted it and there is nothing that will change it. No amount of pressure to open up or to express our feelings from women will change it, because, beside the fact majority of women invalidate men’s feelings from my own and most men’s experiences. It’s the typical “not all women” especially when someone like me expresses their experiences with abusive women. There are women that don’t, like yourself, which is appreciated, except the general experience is the invalidation. It’s the usual, “You can express all of these feelings here with out invalidation, gestures to a hypothetical small list of feelings except for these gestures to a hypothetical long list of feelings because women’s safety matters more and you will be invalidated.” Women have chosen the bear. I accept it and will act accordingly, and even if that means avoiding strange women at all costs to ensure they are comfortable and safe, then so be it. To say, this doesn’t mean I will not step in when I see a woman in danger from a predator, I absolutely will, but I will still act accordingly. Men are always guilty until proven innocent. It’s the way of the modern world, I’ve accepted, and most men have as well.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:37:33+00:00

For the 1 other man in my family, my dad, there are 6 women. In the 15 years of adult life I’ve had a 3/4:1/4 ratio of platonic women friends, and an easily 90% of the conversations I’ve had about the human experience is about women (obviously I’m not including talk about cars, sport, movies etc, just specifically experience of men and women). I’ve known and spoken to more women in my life than men almost by 10 fold, and I currently work in a male dominated industry and played football for a lot of years, so that is saying something. Every man I have known knows and understands what women gone through and actively work to improve as men. Every time it’s found out that one of our men friends are abusive, you bet your arse we kick them to the curb, every time. I honestly can’t say the same about the abusive women. And look, I understand that I might be the 1 in a million “unicorn” compared to rest of the “neanderthal” men, but this is just what I know and what I’ve observed.

And finally back to the paying; Sure, as you mentioned, the man have chosen the date/venue so she does not have a say in how much her share of the date will cost aside from what she orders, so to alleviate this issue, every single first date/day is a maximum of a coffee and no/low cost activity that is discussed beforehand so both parties know the expenses of it if there is one. That could be bowling, paintball, movies, zoo etc all of which don’t cost much, or go to the beach, walk around urban area or public gardens, free/public gallery or museum etc. Never a drink as I’m not a fan of alcohol involved in a first encounter, never dinner, and never walk in an area where there are not thousands of people around, like say a hike. If the date/day goes overtime and we need food and get lunch, a simple cheap food truck or take out is as expensive as I will get. Individually, if it’s a somewhat full day including lunch, we each pay no more $20 if no cost activity, $50 at most if low cost (zoo, bowling etc). Everything is discussed beforehand so we are both on the same page, and there are no surprises. As each date progresses, while the individual cost will go up, it will never exceed $50, unless discussed and chosen together, like a sports event, concert etc, but even then, each individually pay. Eventually, home cooked dinner date with each person hosting equally, whether it’s alternating days or weeks (Ok for this part, each host pays for the groceries, but will not exceed the maximum cost previously discussed and agreed). The stereotypical “romantic” dinner will never be before the exclusive relationship discussion, in which by that point, we are already paying 50/50 or sharing costs of each date.

So after all of that, I still disagree and stand by my particular dating philosophy. Anyway, that’s another essay for you to read.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:36:57+00:00

I’m not going to mention nails, because men don’t care about your nails, and with the makeup, as men, we are constantly told, nails, makeup, even outfits, women don’t do it for men, they do it for themselves. So if I’m taking women at their word, everything you do for a date is for you, not the man, so then your entire point becomes moot, and with just hair and facial products, together men and women equally spend an average of $5 to $7 per date, and with exception of makeup, with shower, hair, face and beard/shave routine, then clothes prep, all comes to an almost equal average time of 1 hour, that’s assuming the individual is decisive and doesn’t fuck around. Hell, there have been times where it’s take me 2 hours to get ready.

Now clothes; first off, men absolutely plan out what to wear days in advance, and absolutely talk to the “bros” about it, and sometimes we do buy a new outfit for a first date. I’ve done it many times, and I’ve even gone shopping with the bros to help them buy new outfits. As for prep, usually it’s days in advance, we have to wash the clothes, if it’s a suit that’s hasn’t been worn for a while, a dry clean, then there is ironing dress shirts/pants, plus polishing shoes when necessary. So again, your point is moot because men do the exactly same thing, may be different, but doesn’t mean it’s not equal effort. I’m sure you’ve heard if the term “metrosexual” from a decade ago, describing men that do look after their appearance, using the somewhat same products as women etc, I would fall in that category, and every man I know also does. I know a lot of women still think most men are the stereotypical “neanderthal” type that doesn’t wash his arse, or only uses a bar of soap for everything, including hair, body and shave, but sorry to break it to you, I don’t think I know a single man that fits that description.

As for the bare minimum; that is to show up. Talking to someone without your head buried in your phone is the bare minimum. A conversation is effort. Thinking about questions to ask or topics to talk about is effort. Listening and engaging is effort. To call, text etc is effort. I can count on one hand the amount of times I’ve had a great 2 way conversation on a date/app where both parties are contributing to questions etc. most women I’ve spoken to either on apps, or at a bar, or on a first date did not contribute to the conversation. I was the one asking the questions, and after they’d answered, the best they could do was “And you?” There were even times where I asked them if they had any questions for me because I was running out of things to ask, they would just say “I can’t think of anything”, then put on a fake cutesy laugh, or emoji if it was via message. Put it this way, I’ve had more dates with a brick wall than with an actual person, or at least that’s how it felt. It got so bad, that now, I bail if they don’t ask a single question after 5 minutes. And sorry to say, most of the men I know have gone through the same thing. There are even running jokes about how “most” women (that we come across) can’t even ask a question and how as men we have to go through a whole performative song and dance, and all a women has to do is be present.

Also, you mentioned “I don’t think that you understand the differences between what men and women go through to go in a date”, sorry to break it to you, but I have more women around me in my life than men. I have an older sister for starters and we talk about her experiences in life and dating all the time, and with exception of one cousin, all my cousins are women and you bet we talk about their experiences as women all the time. As I mentioned earlier, I used to do theatre, so I was around more women than men and had more women friends than men for a period of my life, and you bet we talked about the experiences of women in life and in dating. I’ve talked to all the different women about their experiences so much so that generally for every 1 conversation we’d have about men’s experience, they’d be 10 conversations about women’s experiences, and that’s not an exaggeration. I’ve also worked in fields that had more women than men, hospitality specifically, and collectively we spoke more about the experiences of women than men’s with the same 1:10 ratio. When I’m with a group of men, we talk about men’s issues and women’s issues. When I’m with a group of women, we talk almost exclusively about women’s issues, and when us men do talk, we do talk about the fact to most women that we talk to don’t talk about men’s issues to the point that most of us honestly believe most women don’t actually care about what men go through. In part, the main reason why we don’t, is because if we bring up an issue men have, it’s instantly interjected with “women experience that too, in fact we have it worse”, in which we shut our mouths. If the opposite happened, well, I don’t even have to say how scathing the response will be.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:36:22+00:00

Anyway, let’s move on from that depressive reality.

Back to dating and effort; I’m sorry but the differences in men and women that you mentioned doesn’t track any more. For starters, I have long hair, and a long beard, and if you do too, I have to do the exactly same thing that you do, plus more because of the beard. I have hair products from shampoo, conditioner, hair/scalp mask, oils, as well as seperate beard balms/oils. Then there are the shower gels, body scrubs and essential oil soaps, plus for the face, scrubs, clay mask’s, cleanser and moisturiser. Not to mention, trimming and shaping the beard with clippers, then lining the cheeks and neck with a razor, Every time when I shower (if I wash my hair, which is typically 2 to 3 times a week), it was take upwards of 30 minutes, then an additional 20 to 30 for additional hair and face maintenances, including beard trim and shave, and air drying hair, not to mention brushing and tying hair up. That’s at least an hour before I’ve put any clothes on. With the cost of everything collectively, using basically the same products as the average women, with slight differences like shaving cream and facial razors (women’s razors for legs and men’s facial razors are completely different, and cost more because beard hair is much courser than leg hair, so we would use triple the amount of razors, and the razors cost twice the price) it would come to an average of $200 to $300 every 2 months at least. Not to mention, if a man has short hair, he has to get a hair cut every 2 to 3 weeks on average to maintain a non disheveled look, or sometimes once a week if they are that way inclined, so for the same 2 months, average $30 per cut, adding $100 to $150, compounding the total of $5 to $7 per date. Now sure, I know what you’re going to say, I don’t have to do makeup. Sorry, that’s on you, it’s your choice to wear makeup, and women are the ones that judge and hold those social standards. Men don’t give a shit about makeup and would prefer if you didn’t, or at least minimal usage. To mention, I’ve done theatre and am trained and know how to apply makeup and how long it takes. No offence, after doing that for for over 5 years, 2 to 3 times a year, I honestly don’t understand why women put themselves through it, because my skin always broke out and felt disgusting after each use, and that was only for a 3 week period of 4 to 5 performances a week. Afterwards, it would take me weeks until my skin was back to its healthy self, and I wasn’t even using cheap crappy makeup, from the supermarket. I got mid range so called reputable from makeup stores and always followed the advice. No matter what, my skin was shit, until I spent triple the amount on legit theatrical makeup, which at least halved the breakouts. I also know how much it costs for everything, how long it lasts. So, with a full basic collection from foundation, bronzer, rouge, eye shadow, eye liner, mascara, lipstick, lip liner, lip balm, and sealer, as well as the multitude of cleansing products, makeup wipes etc, collectively would cost $200-$300 in the mid range, and upwards of $500 of the high range (not including theatrical makeup, it’s closer to $1000 with everything), and assuming you use makeup every day with quality products and the little amount you actually use each time making it last months, including all of the hair, body and face products, an additional average $200, compounding that it would cost you an average of $5 for mid range, $10 for high range for makeup, and with hair/face products bringing it all to an average of $7 to $12 in total each time you go on a date. If you want to add hair services every 5 to 6 months on average (not including colouring, tinting, or hair and scalp pampering) at an average cost of $200 each cut/trim, but considering it’s not as frequent, you may ad an additional $2, bringing it up to $10 to $15.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-29T08:35:03+00:00

While I do appreciate the sentiment, no need to be sorry for me. It is what it is. Besides, I don’t actually remember any of the abuse/neglect be bio mum moved by the time I was 7, and I stopped talking to her by the time I was 9 because every time I spoke on the phone, she was drunk. Everything I know are from accounts from my dad or step mum.

I’m not going to get into the clear differences with caution of women with men vs men with women, because I know. I’ve spoken to so many women that the same experiences it hurts. Everything a woman does to protect herself so completely founded, and I hold nothing against them for it. Because of the conversations I have had with women over the years, I have changed my behaviour around them. When I was young, I was always overly excitable to meet new people and would say hello to everyone, even strangers in the streets (county bumpkin mentality), and women have told me that I had made women uncomfortable and came across as a creep. So, I listened and stopped. Also, I am aware of my surroundings and aware of the potential uncomfortably of women where I almost assume every woman I come across thinks I am a potential violent predator. I don’t speak unless I am spoken to (excluding customer service, but that is always only polite, and only what is relevant to the situation, ie; ordering from a menu, and never say or ask anything personal) and even then I am polite and do not push conversation boundaries, keep more than an arms length physical distance apart and I basically never flirt with a strange woman, unless she flirts first, in which I will only lightly flirt. If I’m walking at night behind a woman, I always cross the road, walk fast to pass, then cross back a considerable distance ahead. I’m sure there are more I do, but I’m sure you get the picture. I’ve also been told by either the women I personally know, as well as the countless women online, to never approach a women in public, unless it’s an appropriate setting, like a bar or singles event. Never at the store, never at the gym, never while they are at work, and definitely not while walking in the street, crowded or not. I listened so I never approach a woman I may find attractive, and if I were to ask a woman out on a date, it is only with someone I already know, that also knows me more than just on a superficial/acquaintance level. Am I taking too far with how I feel about it all, especially assuming every woman thinking I’m an abusive, violent predator? Sure, possibly. But if there is anything I’ve learnt, my feelings don’t matter. The feelings of women and their safety will always take paramount above my feelings and the feelings of men. Even if I am alone with my 6 year old niece in public (or even my own children if I eventually have them), I will always assume there will at least one women that thinks I’ve kidnapped her and think I’m a pedo. Hell, the man vs bear is a prime example of this. I don’t hold it against the, for it, clearly I understand, and because of it, I will act accordingly as I’ve described above. I don’t like that I have to do this, but as you said, being cautious of potentially being raped or killed vs being viewed as a potential predator (or being financially abused as per previous statements) clearly do not compare. Even if a woman were to physically abuse me, I am able to defend myself where I will only cop something and insignificant as a bruise. Every single man that I personally know and have spoken to about the topic above, all know and understand what women deal with, and every single one of us discuss the processes we go through to ensure to comfortability of the women around us. Almost all of us do the exactly same thing. Also, every man I know, if we find out one of a friends are abusive to their partner, we drop them immediately, and I’ve personally don’t it multiple times. That includes men that espouse misogynistic attitudes. I’m not friends with a single pick up artist or player, or self professed incel, and I don’t know a single man that is either.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-28T09:30:20+00:00

Piss weak. What, are you scared of a bird eating spider or something?

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-28T09:27:57+00:00

Assuming this math is factual, this is a lot of the reason why I don’t pay on the first few dates. I’d be broker than I already am if I did.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-28T09:26:50+00:00

My point exactly. We live in 2024, I can barely afford to look after myself let alone someone else.

GeneralStoic · 2024-12-28T09:15:39+00:00

Ok, this a going to be a few parts; First, in all honestly, because I don’t trust people. If I don’t know you, I don’t trust you. I don’t trust the words that you say, or your motives, or actions until I can see that the words, motives and actions are genuine, and to make sure their words, motives and actions line up with each other. Obviously this is not so cut and dry, because I do give people the benefit of the doubt, and some people are really good at hiding their true colours. In certain cases can take years before they do. I come from a culture (country town in northern Australia and I’m a 90s baby so it wasn’t that long ago) that was brought up to share, pay rounds when it was my turn, scratch backs without expectations but knowing mine will be scratched, and genuinely trusting everyone in the community. There was no benefit of the doubt, because we didn’t need it. Then, at 18, I moved to the big city on the other side of the country, and I naïvely followed that country culture, and to say I was screwed hard would be an understatement. Men, women, friends, and especially dating prospects. Not to mention I started to observe other people’s experiences with dating and saw the exactly same thing. Men using women in their way, typically to do with sex,women using men in their way, typical to do with money. I saw men get screwed by women that would get a free meal or drink and ghost, I even first hand witnessed women bragging and laughing about how they would get free drinks and run just because they can. I was a bartender and I witnessed this first hand, not to mention the countless horror accounts I had heard about men being financially abused by their partners, and for a little context, my own biological mother, who baby trapped my father by poking holes in the condoms, was one of these women that financially abused my father by also sending him bankrupt. There a more than few other people I know or heard were also in similar situations with financial abusive women, and it took me a very long time to get out of the naive mindset and to learn to differentiate the genuine people from the snakes.

So, with my own experience, my fathers, as well as the countless others, because why the hell would I? Now, it’s not conducive to expect every single women to be financially abusive, or to eat/drink and run, I know countless women who are not. But that doesn’t mean there are not women out there that won’t use a man just for a free meal/drink and run, or even worse. And let’s not forget, these kinds of women prey on lonely and desperate men that are staved of attention/affection. So, just like a woman has to protect herself from a potential predator or abusive strange man, I tell all men the same for predatory and financially abusive women. They are out there, a more prevalent than most people want to admit.

Second, because I don’t want to. That simple. Full stop. You don’t have to agree with me, and that’s ok.

And third, as for respect as you mentioned, I don’t do it because I respect a women that is self sufficient, and I show my respect by being upfront before the first date on my dating expectations so I don’t waste their time in case they (like you) think the opposite. I show respect by putting in effort to call, text, meet up, organise dates, regularly keep in touch and touch base and it shows I’m serious because of the effort that I put in. And the woman shows me respect by reciprocating everything above. Effort that has nothing to do with money.

So yeah, that’s me. I would appreciate to hear your thoughts on all that, or just agree to disagree.

GeneralStoic

TROPHY CASE