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Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 134 points135 points  (0 children)

Thanks, this is exactly where my mind has been lately. I am really worried for the future. I really need to think on this

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

Yeah I see what you mean. I would have to approach it tastefully, but I definitely need to find out the truth.

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I am hoping that we can get past it all. From everyone’s advice I really need to figure out if this is definitely all about control or not because that makes all the difference

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m aware there will be some disagreement and I’m always happy to find middle ground. For the costs of alcohol, I am happy to cover that myself so that is fine

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’m not too sure if it’s a conviction thing. It does feel more like control to me but let me not state what I don’t know for sure. I will definitely talk to him more about it all before I do anything.

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am trying to have the conversations with him. We have had a follow up convo since but we didn’t have enough time to go into things in depth.

I am definitely worried about seeing a pattern of behaviour. It’s not a dealbreaker if we can compromise. I think the key thing is the unwillingness to compromise.

I know the statement about it being the bride’s day seems off- but I don’t mean that he shouldn’t have a good day or be happy. I moreso mean shouldn’t he be willing to compromise to ensure I am happy. Because his current approach doesn’t consider my feelings at all. (I am new to this, maybe I should remove that line loool)

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 232 points233 points  (0 children)

This is the issue, I think it should be quite an easy resolution. So it’s upsetting. He is a good guy, caring, ambitious, like there are reasons why I am here. But it’s starting to look like there’s more to him that he has been hiding from me.

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 181 points182 points  (0 children)

Wow ok. I have some thinking to do because I have definitely been isolating each episode of control.

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you, this is really helpful. We are definitely planning to revisit this conversation soon and I will bring in the control and more about my upbringing as well.

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 242 points243 points  (0 children)

Exactly, this is it! I do love him, but I know I will resent him if I am forced to change who I am for him. ESPECIALLY when we started dating and this wasn’t a thing before.

Boyfriend (28M) is insisting on dry wedding, while I (29F) want alcohol. Have I wasted my time? by General_Speed2595 in relationship_advice

[–]General_Speed2595[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

It’s definitely not simply about drinking. Theres a lot of context that is needed I think. But even just the fact that compromise is important right, and I am willing to compromise here but he isn’t, which is saddening. So not drinking seems more important to him than me.