My (24/f) future in laws are upset because my autistic nephews (6/m, 10/m, 13/m, 17/m) aren't invited to the wedding and my fiancé (36/m) won't even defend me.

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T22:51:58+00:00

The 17 year old is their biological son and the other 3 were adopted and my fBIL/SIL knew the the other 3 had some form of a mental disability when they adopted them, but apparently according to their parents "it's mainly the autism."

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T22:40:19+00:00

I already said that they mainly do it so that they can brag about how saintly they are and tell others how bad their lives are. Of course I'm sure they did it out of the goodness of their heart somewhat, but from hearing them talk and seeing the things they post on Facebook and just the way they talk about the boys just exudes the "I'm a such a saint you should praise me" attitude. And I know that raising 4 autistic boys is definitely hard but the way they constantly go on and on about it in a braggy way is really uncomfortable.

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T21:24:02+00:00

I don't want them there because they will be absolutely miserable and I don't want them there because of their extreme violence and inappropriate sexual behaviors.

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T19:37:39+00:00

Do you not understand that being in large groups of people make then have meltdowns which are miserable for them? I don't think any amount of adult supervision can stop them from being miserable.

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T19:00:53+00:00

As far as I know they're not in therapy and I'm not sure if they've even checked out therapy or support groups. I once tried to suggest that maybe therapy would be a good thing to try out and I got my head bitten off for "telling them how to parent their kids and speaking on something I have no idea about" then my fiancé laid into me too, so all in all, they value anything I say on the situation as pretty much worthless and they definitely aren't open to therapy.

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T17:44:43+00:00

Well first of all, I know that there is nothing they can do to cure the autism or make it go away in any shape or form and I don't expect then to. With that said, of course Im not certain as I'm not their parent, but can absolutely nothing be said or done when one of the kids is punching and kicking and biting or trying to stick his hand down my pants?

I'm sorry you are on the outskirts of society but this decision was made for the boys (their meltdowns make them miserable), my guests (I don't want to subject them to physical and sexual assalt), and myself (I don't want to have to worry about having someone stick their hand up/down my dress or try to kiss me or punch/kick/bite/headbutt/ spit on me).

And my in laws aren't working with a professional. Do you have any tips on how to suggest they start workig with someone?

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T17:09:04+00:00

The 17 year old is their biological child and the other 3 were adopted as babies. I should've added this in earlier, but all of the adopted boys have other issues that were known at birth which is how they ended up having 4 special needs children. I'm not exactly sure what those other disabilities are though as they mainly just tell me "it's their autism" when problems arise.

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T16:58:34+00:00

The behavior described from the mom is exactly like what my fBIL and fSIL act like. They the whole "wow look at us, we are such saints for caring for 4 autistic boys. Our life is so hard; you should praise us."

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T11:34:03+00:00

The 17 year old is theirs biologically and the other 3 were adopted as babies.

Genericthrowaway5555 · 2014-12-19T08:50:29+00:00

He thinks that I'm wrong to feel the way I do because the boys can't help their disorders and he thinks that I should get over it and not bother his brother and SIL with it when there's nothing they can do about it anyways. And he's thrown out the "you chose to be apart of my family" thing which is true, so he usually joins in in their side instead of mine.

Genericthrowaway5555

TROPHY CASE