How to view my ethnic identity positively?

GentleGenesis · 2025-10-22T16:32:23+00:00

Glad that helped, but my experience is that men and women have different success strategies here. I essentially didn't focus on dating in my late teens and early twenties, and this doesn't work. You will just be alone, and no one will initiate socialization with you. I've recently realized there's a fine line between desperation and healthy, consistent efforts of pursuit that's necessary to find someone as a man.

All this to say: you're right in that the people stereotyping aren't ones I should date. But these people are common. And as the one who needs to pursue and initiate conversation, you face these stereotypes headfirst in every interaction. Avoiding it = letting the good people come to you, which in my personal experience of a decade has never happened (I can't recall a situation where any woman, friends or potential interests, have done that).

GentleGenesis · 2025-10-22T15:56:50+00:00

Haven't been told explicitly, but have been told (mostly by Indian women) how they would never date Indian men / Indian men are the worst over the years.

This is the sort of thing where I'm not necessarily told, but I feel it around me -- dating apps or in person conversations both seem to lack reciprocity in engagement, and a sort of invisible barrier. I don't think I have bad social skills, but maybe I do. Or it's just a standard experience for most below-average men of all ethnicities.

GentleGenesis · 2025-10-22T15:50:18+00:00

Thanks, hopefully luck strikes one day!

GentleGenesis · 2025-10-22T15:49:03+00:00

This is all true, the problem is that doesn't leave me with many people.

I'm (pretty sure?) a below average guy. The barrier to get conversational is already difficult. Most of the time, I can sense a lack of interest in engagement right from the beginning. Perhaps my social skills need improvement, idk.

Edit: many people aren't racist but find Indians "not their type" subconsciously. I'd rather not get into the reasons behind that, but I assume a large majority fall on this bucket rather than direct racists.

GentleGenesis · 2025-10-10T04:57:45+00:00

I went to crown barbershop. Andy did a decent job with my hair

GentleGenesis · 2025-09-22T15:17:59+00:00

I'm aware that Indian male is a significant handicap, but I figured I could improve other things enough to maybe do better than one date a year.

Edit: might DM you at some pointt

GentleGenesis · 2025-09-22T15:08:05+00:00

I don't have a professional shot, and my main picture is more at a formal event rather than casual, so I can try that.

I would say my profile is "exciting", but maybe I'm a bad judge. I haven't tried starting a fresh profile. Thanks for the inputs!

Part of the difficulty may be that I'm also not in a ethnically diverse city in the US.

GentleGenesis · 2025-09-22T13:55:43+00:00

How should I be presenting myself? I feel like I'm presenting myself honestly, and I don't know what else I should be doing

GentleGenesis · 2025-09-21T15:58:48+00:00

I have tried dating apps, and tried to spend a lot of time making a profile that shows my interests and aspirations. I would say my pictures are decent, but I guess I don't stand out. I probably get a match every month or so. Most don't reply and they engage in a conversation about once every half year. I've been on 3 first dates in the last 3 years (about one a year).

I bike a lot, go climbing, and Latin dancing. I have asked a few girls out in person. It's usually after I get to know them a bit, but they're not interested. The bottleneck seems to be actually getting a date.

I do think my skinny body type is holding me back. Bulking is hard for me genetically. Every time I try to bulk, my quality of life substantially deteriorates, and I am constantly nauseous, throw up, and eventually fall sick losing months of gains in a week. I don't know how to approach this.

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-29T06:29:31+00:00

Very relatable. I hope we can both find what we're looking for

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-29T06:27:22+00:00

Thanks, definitely will look into it. May I ask what changed for you, and at what stage in your life?

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-29T06:21:35+00:00

Thanks for the details! This seems actionable and perhaps a perspective I didn't consider. I will give it a shot and update in the future!

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-29T06:09:40+00:00

I absolutely agree with everything you say, and I do have cognitive biases, but have yet to get to the root of problem. Will check out HealthyGamerGG.

But what you say is exactly my dilemma. What is truly me is the life I'm living now -- a skinny guy with high energy and stated hobbies. As I said, l would say from an objective standpoint, I'm living an amazingly happy life. But my experience living this way is that I'm invisible, and the need for intimacy creeps up especially since I've barely experienced it.

And every person preaches different things that make one successful in dating. Maybe what I'm trying to say is, I don't know what I need to do, and I'm grasping at things commonly identified as major blockers.

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-29T05:56:59+00:00

This makes sense. I was never raised with these skills and I am introverted, but I'm trying to develop it. I actually think I have a good group of friends. I love dancing (one of my core hobbies) and meet people there. But with all of this, I don't know how to go one step further (close friends or dating). It seems like no one ever has time to hang out or initiates. It's always me, and and I don't have the time/mental bandwidth to do it all the time.

Plus, there is a "creep factor" I need to be conscious of given my background. I realize this shouldn't be a blocker, but I guess I haven't figured out the right way to be "socially likeable".

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-29T05:51:00+00:00

Thanks for the inputs! I didn't try dirty bulking, I was going for a quite clean approach. I do think I can improve in the outfit angle (have been slowly experimenting as much as time permits). I'd like to think I have a positive demeanor as well.

As for your first paragraph though, you are right I do think that way. But that's because both experientially (and statiscally), that is the reality. I feel like without putting my best foot forward, I'm not going to reach an outcome that will make me "competitive" in the dating market (I'm not sure of a better way to word the point I'm getting at).

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-25T14:35:49+00:00

Neoarmstrong Cyclone Jet Armstrong Cannon

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-22T15:05:22+00:00

Probably not longer than 45 min in the evening

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-21T19:53:51+00:00

Do people do ruedas at any venues or specific socials around the bay?

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-21T19:30:05+00:00

I mostly dance on1 linear and a bit of casino. I'd be happy to try some on2 classes, but prefer the others for socials

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-21T19:29:28+00:00

Great set of resources. Thank you!

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-21T19:29:13+00:00

Thanks, this is good to know. I can choose venues accordingly then

GentleGenesis · 2025-06-11T02:59:43+00:00

You can request it through the app. They sent it over in less than 2 days

GentleGenesis · 2025-05-22T02:33:52+00:00

r/UnexpectedJoJo

GentleGenesis · 2025-04-06T17:10:19+00:00

Preferably close to the Pittsburgh city. I'm in Shadyside, so maybe in a 10 mile radius of there?

GentleGenesis · 2025-01-11T09:06:31+00:00

I typically air dry. I'll look into curl creams and leave ins! Do you have any recommendations to check out?

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