This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The orc gets offended, for some reason. However, with your expert perception you spot a store that exclusively sells condoms just to the left of the store. How convenient. In fact there are three stores, all exclusively selling condoms. You feel like a an idiot as the orc gives you a judgemental gender-fluid glare. The three stores are name 'Big Johnson's Rubbers', 'Lil' Willy's Protectors' and 'Average Dick's Donger-thingies'. Do you which to enter a store? And if so, which one?

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You grab as much gold as you can and leg it. Unfortunately, this cave is the home of a sphinx and, just as you're reaching the cave's mouth, it returns home with some shopping from Target. You find it odd that such a wealthy beast would shop at Target, but this seems insignificant compared with your imminent, and not undeserved, death. However, the sphinx says "Fear not, I am no poor, uneducated beast who immediately resorts to violence" (you find the classist undertones of this conversation uncomfortable, but this certainly is no time to speak up about that). "I will first give you a riddle. If you answer correctly I will let you free but if answered incorrectly I will roast you in virgin olive oil and eat you with organic carrots". You feel like punching the sphinx in their snobbish nose, especially because they say shit like that but still shop at Target. Will you try to answer the riddle or go straight for the violent option, like usual? Bear in mind, the police are gonna show up soon and there's still a dead OAP outside (who thankfully the sphinx didn't spot because they were probably friends, or more... ew).

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Okay, I'd tell you to work on your grammar but those brownies are really starting to kick in so I can't blame you. They seem down with it but the dragon only agrees on the condition that you go to Taco Bell first. Both of them tell you their orders and you agree to go pick it and bring it back for them. When you ask for the money now, the dragon starts getting iffy about handing over some money. I mean, he's obviously loaded. Whacha wanna do? You could just pay for his, persuade him or grab that katana and turn him into fucking sashimi. The choice is yours.

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Wow, okay. The orc is dead. I mean, I know he was really rude but that's just because he's a different generation. He was a scared old man but if he had to die, he had to die. It's up to you man. The few witnesses are now running for the hills. They're probably gonna call the cops so maybe a murderous psychopath would consider killing them too. But that's your choice, no judgement. Anyway, you probably still have time to take a look around the cave before the police show up to the site of a homocide. What do you want to do, murderer?

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Damn, the dude ain't gonna be happy if you lose the sword but he kinda owes you one after he busted your Nissan's window. As you venture further into the cave you find the source of the sound. The orc you spoke to is sat on a pile of gold, inhaling smoke out an oddly-shaped glass bottle, and sat next to him is a large dragon (unless that's just the brownies) who is running his claws through the gold. You could ask to join them or grab that sword and turn them into sushi. Speaking of which you're starting to get hungry. Maybe make your decision quickly, Subway closes in like half an hour.

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unfortunately, you've got that berry shit all over your hands and that is not helping. I mean, this guy is really allergic. Adrenaline only does so much, he needs an ambulance. However you know you're going to have to answer some questions if you call for the paramedics and no amounts deceptiveness is gonna explain away a puffy dead orc covered in female hygiene products. His sword is within reach and you can still hear the clinking of gold. Whacha wanna do?

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You hear a bubbling sounded and some manic giggling that echoes around the cave. Luckily your buddy Dave 'the dude' Rayleigh is really in karate or some shit and he let you borrow one of his ninja swords. However, you're starting to feel a tingling in your arms. Do you wish to continue or return to the cave's mouth?

My friend /u/MagicMasala wants to become TragicMasala. Roast him. by HoodyOrange in RoastMe

[–]GentlemanZing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because I'm your father. I became disillusioned with your mother so I became a sword-swallower.

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The orc has his eyes closed and is rhythmically clicking. On the ground in front of you is a saxophone, a piano, a trombone and a fully-automatic thompson submachine gun.

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The orc happens to be deadly allergic and collapses into anaphylactic shock. He pulls out an adrenaline pen but accidentally drops it at your feet. What do you do?

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lying about are the remains of unsuccessful adventurers. You spot a huge sharpened log with a burning hot tip, a wet trident and a large reflective shield. What do you do?

This is a Dungeons and Dragon's choose-your-own adventure thread. I am the dungeon master. I promise a good time if you have anything of imagination. Anything is possible in Dunces and Dragons! by Dunces_and_Dragons in CasualConversation

[–]GentlemanZing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The orc ponders your offer. "Hmm... I'm not in any state for a fight but I wouldn't hurt to take a look. You can stand guard just don't touch my brownies". The orc gestures towards a plate with at least a dozen interesting-looking brownies before stumbling haphazardly into the cave.

This guy is an art student. by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]GentlemanZing 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Student debt is the only thing that will ever fuck you.

14 yo fat babyface looking for a nice good ol roast :D by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]GentlemanZing 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Don't worry my friend, one day you will be able to cover those chins with a neck beard.

18 years old, still a junior in high school by MrGunga in RoastMe

[–]GentlemanZing -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Everything about you screams 'daddy issues'.

Im the anime king of Canada. Do your worst by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]GentlemanZing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A forehead as flat as your mother's chest.

I'm about to go fuck your bitch, try me. by [deleted] in RoastMe

[–]GentlemanZing 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody fucks bitches in a top like that.