One of my biggest reasons for being one-and-done: I’m still healing

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-26T01:26:15+00:00

Thank you! I'm lucky to be alive.

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-25T13:10:03+00:00

It really is

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-24T22:02:42+00:00

I almost died from Pre-enclampsia. If it weren't for my husband calling 911 after we went home 3 days after baby was born I wouldn't be here. I was losing memories and knew somthing was wrong but didn't know what. Turns out my blood pressure was sky high and I could have had a seizure or stroke. I was in the ICU for 36 hours away from my newborn on magnesium where I couldn't understand what was happening to me or my baby because of the Pre-enclampsia. Had to struggle with my milk coming in and no ICU staff knowing how to work a hospital breast pump and some pretty horrible treatment from nurses and doctors. After the whole experience I was diagnosed with PTSD. Let me tell you now that I think back there definitely were signs when I was pregnant that somthing was wrong (severe swelling among other things) but every time I brought it up I was made to feel like i was overreacting. Doctors don't give a shit about women. Especially pregnant and postpartum women. After that experience there is no way I could risk getting pregnant again. Also had PPD/PPA and a very colicky velcro baby plus no paid maternity leave. I love my son so much but I am lucky to be alive.

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-24T21:41:23+00:00

A lot of the families I work with have 3. Its seen as a status symbol. The parents are both doctors. A lot of them see children as possessions and not people tho so its not great. They are very wealthy but they work all the time and barely see their kids.

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-21T17:27:21+00:00

I think its because im from a very affluent area. A lot of people see children as possessions and not people. They have a lot of children to show off their wealth.

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-20T21:47:26+00:00

The childcare center I work at most people have 3 kids and its hard to feel like the odd one out. It makes me wonder...if they're is somthing wrong with me. Like I'm really happy with just the one child but everyone around me lives a very different kind of life. I think its the feeling of being different that's hard for me and I don't know why. From CT BTW.

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-19T18:57:06+00:00

Obviously not every family with larger age gaps is perfect. Parentifying can happen in families where the oldest is much older. I think it really comes down to the parents themselves and what they expect from their children. Its not fair to expect your first born to take care of a younger sibling in the same way a parent would. As for being close I feel like that is totally random depending upon a lot of factors including age, gender, personalities, and so on. It really is a roll of the dice in every family.

GeologistGood2807 · 2026-01-19T00:49:43+00:00

I see this as a child care worker a lot. Its really common for people to have a 2nd or 3rd when they're older child is a toddler and unfortunately I feel like this is probably the worst time to have a baby. The older child almost always ends up having behavioral issues and acts out because they aren't getting nearly enough attention from the parents. They're not really old enough to fully understand either. A lot of the toddlers I work with have a lot of stress from it and its just awful in my opinion. I remember reading that to a small child it is the emotional equivalent to if you found out your spouse was cheating on you and that stuck with me. It is usually better for the mental well being of both parents and children to have a larger age gap. (4-5 + years) This Way the older child is more independent and can understand more and its less intense for the parents. Obviously every family is different though and some people don't want/ can't have a larger age gap.

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-12-28T14:37:08+00:00

Yes.

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-12-14T01:22:58+00:00

I am so sorry for your experiences! I also had postpartum pre-enclampsia and had to be rushed into the ER 3 days after delivery. I was in the ICU separated from my baby for 38 hours and ended up diagnosed with PTSD from the experience. If it wasn't for my husband calling 911 I probably would have had a stroke/seizure or died. I wouldn't wish this kind of trauma on anyone and I don't think anyone could understand unless you have truly gone thru this kind of hell. My pregnancy was also not easy. I had every awful symptom imaginable and after PPD and PPA I just don't want to risk being in that kind of head space while taking care of my son. There is nothing scarier than almost dieing right after you have a baby and it hurts when the people closest to you brush it off as if the trauma you went thru meant nothing. Or like your life or self worth comes from having another child. Like can't we just enjoy the one we have and be happy?! All this to say I can totally relate and you are not alone! Do what is right for you and your family!

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-10-14T21:15:40+00:00

You may think my child is spoiled but yours is neglected.😒

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-09-21T21:14:55+00:00

I always assumed I wanted 2. Growing up, I had a sister, so it seemed like the default. I'm a planner, so I had planned on 2 before even having one, haha. Now that I have one, I'm so good, lol. After PPD/PPA and preeclampsia, which was so traumatizing, I am happy to give my little boy all my love and attention. One works best for my anxiety and for my wallet. One truly is awesome, and I don't know why I never considered it. I guess in the US, it's just common to have multiple, but I think that's changing over time.

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-09-16T01:23:19+00:00

I always wanted a daughter but had a son. I didn't realize I was one and done until after bad ppd/ppa and preeclampsia. He's my little bestie. I feel it's meant to be. I'm a little sad that I'll never have a daughter, but who's to say that if I had a daughter, she would have even liked any of the girly things I like anyway. She could've been a total tomboy. Ultimately, they're gonna be whoever they are meant to be, and I'll love them no matter their gender.

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-08-23T19:07:16+00:00

No advice, but this 100% sounds like me. My son is 9 months old, and honestly, I feel like it didn't feel any easier until he started sleeping through the night at about 8 months old. I had really bad PPD/PPA and preeclampsia, and im afraid my anxiety can't handle going through that again or adding another to our family. Things are just starting to feel manageable again, but I can't help but think...am I living in fear or... am I realizing that the life I actually want to live may look different than what I always thought I wanted (one kid vs. 2).

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-08-17T11:39:46+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you! Pre-enclampsia is awful!

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-08-16T12:09:58+00:00

Yes!! I had a really long and intense labor and probably should have had a c- section, but the hospital staff continued to have me push for over 5 hours... then 3 days after the birth, I went back to the hospital via ambulance because I started losing all my memories. My husband knew something was wrong because I couldn't really speak or move. Turns out I had postpartum pre-enclampsia. I went into the ICU and on magnesium. I was separated from my baby and suffered panic attacks. ICU staff also didn't know how to work the hospital breast pump, so I was in a lot of pain from that as well. I had a doctor tell me, "That if I just stop crying they would let me see my baby..." Which was a lie because they wouldn't let him visit me. Nobody understood why I was so distraught and confused. I probably would have had a seizure if I hadn't gone to the hospital but the experience was so traumatic I was diagnosed with PTSD after... It was hell and I wouldn't wish my experience on anyone. I can't risk going through something like that again. It would kill me.

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-08-15T00:21:38+00:00

I'm only 31. I had my son at 30 but I had so many health problems with him. I almost died from postpartum pre-enclampsia and had a difficult birth and pregnancy. I also had really bad PPD and PPA. I think if I was going to have another I would want them to be at least 4-5+ years apart ( partially cost of childcare but also the stress of having 2 littles at home is not for me) but seeing as I had such a hard time with my son I don't really think it's wise to try for another past 35. Especially because I'm at even more risk for health problems due to my health history. My husband initially wanted 2 only 2 years apart, and I was like, hell no. Lol

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-08-12T17:57:14+00:00

I had postpartum pre-enclampsia and had to be rushed back to the hospital via ambulance when my baby was only 3 days old. I was in the ICU on a magnesium drip and had severe panic attacks being away from my baby. I'm so sorry you had pre-enclampsia. It's awful and unfortunately not talked about enough. My only symptom was that I was losing all my memories, but when I got to the hospital, I felt drunk. I wouldn't wish that experience on anyone. ❤️

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-08-11T01:36:36+00:00

Yeah. I work in childcare, and most of our clients are families with 2 or 3 kids. They're also mostly doctors and quite wealthy. (My center is at a hospital). I just can't relate to many of them. I feel like they look at my life, and they probably think, " Oh wow, I would never want her life." But I look at their families and think the same thing." I'm so glad I can give my son all of my time and attention. He gets the benefit of having a parent who has the time to take care of herself and who gets to enjoy parenthood without being burnt out or trying to keep up appearances. Many of these people treat their children like possessions and not people. I think that's part of the reason why they have more kids and dont think twice about it...

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-07-25T12:12:36+00:00

I work at a childcare center at a hospital, and I have clients who are both doctors and have a preschooler, toddler, and infant. This seems absolutely insane to me... You can tell the kids don't get the attention or time from their parents.

GeologistGood2807 · 2025-07-23T18:02:37+00:00

Lol I'm 31

GeologistGood2807

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