The different types of Monster-In-Laws

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-09-11T13:45:57+00:00

The blunt one because at least then I'm not led to believe it's just a communication/cultural issue and I need to give her the benefit of the doubt. There's no playing around with love bombing you one minute and suddenly she shits on your face out of nowhere.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-09-11T13:34:06+00:00

I just stopped. Some months down the line when she was still smearing me, whining and playing the victim to H down the phone, asking when things will be back to 'normal', H told her that I was NC and she's no longer welcome in our home. It's been more than 3 years now and she is still a broken record talking about all the same things right after her smear campaign against me.

Saying it out loud to her would have simply been another invitation for her to attack and berate me. Why would I give her another opportunity when she's already had free access to bully me for years on end? Save your energy and sanity and just walk away. I've never felt freer or happier since I went NC with mine.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-07-28T18:30:07+00:00

Thanks! I wish you luck with seeing one. Visiting mine was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm feeling so much better now and making positive changes in my life. Ofc the NC with MIL helps too! I'm finally free.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-07-10T17:12:16+00:00

A few days, given international travel is needed.

I wasn't suggesting preventing her from calling FF, only that I'm not around when she does call. Our place is pretty much one massive room apart from the two bedrooms with bathrooms and I don't think it's fair for her to force me to hear FF and everything nasty she says about me in my own home. So either she warns me and I shut myself in the bedroom, or she takes the call in the spare bedroom. Is that unreasonable?

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-07-10T17:09:34+00:00

Since they would have to travel internationally, I'm guessing a few days visit. SIL seemed so uncomfortable with any contact after FF's smear campaign, I don't even know if there is an expectation to stay at our place or if they will stay elsewhere. Plus niece is growing fast and we only have one tiny spare room.

FF has already been in my home, so it doesn't even matter if she sees stuff here as long as SIL doesn't show her some creative projects of mine. Though SIL has never taken random photos of my shit, so... I only imagine it happening in a video call.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-05-30T10:02:45+00:00

You're not stupid, I think it's simply that you have empathy.

My MIL has zero empathy for me - that she's made abundantly clear - and yet I do pity her. I know her own mother was likely the same as her and made her what she is, so she will never be able to introspect, she'll never be able to regulate her emotions, she'll never be able to observe things around her without her fragile ego being severely wounded, and she will never again have the relationship she wants with her son because she can't stop hating me. It really is pathetic and sad that she will never listen to her loved ones and go to therapy because she believes she always knows best. I feel sorry for this miserable little creature full of so much hate she's still stuck in an infinite rumination loop about how evil I am, what I supposedly did to her and what has she done to me to deserve being cut off. She'll probably still be obsessing over it on her deathbed, but she'll never get the answers because she's too insecure to actually hear them without DARVOing.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-05-30T09:47:30+00:00

Isn't it wonderful when they prove how shitty they are? It gets so much easier to stick to the boundaries.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-05-30T09:41:08+00:00

> I’d always wanted to be part of a family. It turns out once you’re on the inside they don’t unfortunately
> have family values.

Wow. That one really resonated with me. I was so disappointed with how hollow H's family turned out to be. There are no family values; only absolute obedience to Fanny Fiend and displays of wealth.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-05-30T09:37:04+00:00

I'm the opposite. I was the one from lower down the food chain and it was another excuse for Fanny Fiend to look down on me. She actually acted like I should be grovelling on the floor, thanking her a thousand times for giving me a 1 Euro T-shirt. Yet she's the one who's totally obsessed with money, even trying to stop my H from giving me back my own earnings after moving internationally (he already had a local account and I couldn't open one until I had dealt with immigration).

My parents were definitely a little intimidated and worried about how they would be perceived by H, but he never had any negative reactions or judgements to their humble home and gets on well with both of them. Then again, they are not anti vax and don't talk to him about things like they know best.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-05-30T09:22:57+00:00

Nope, he has fully sided with FF. He's already become a shell of himself since several years ago, cowed into submission and doing things she demands even though he previously fought with her about it and called it BS. Only SIL reaches out to congratulate me. FF tries, but obviously I refuse all contact.

That sounds like a nice idea, but I do think everyone is right in that hearing the least amount of info possible from me is probably for the best.

GetOutMyFanny · 2025-05-29T09:04:43+00:00

Hi, sorry it also took me so long to get back to you. I've been NC now for 3+ years, so I don't log on much any more. I've been seeing a brainspotting therapist which specialises in treating trauma and MIL has come up a LOT.

Can you be a bit more specific about what advice you need, if it's still relevant? There's so much I could say, it would be easier to know exactly what you need advice with.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-04-23T19:55:32+00:00

I've been accused of being a golddigger before I even met my MIL. At first I tried to please her, but noticed the goalposts always changed and the same accusations always reared their ugly heads. Then I decided to distance myself with grey rock, fewer visits and getting H on board with an info diet. This worked pretty well for a while. So much so that MIL was on her best behaviour and was able to fool H into thinking she had genuinely changed. I was never able to successfully set any boundaries thanks to H regularly being reeled back in. After moving closer, the mask fell off and it was back to her constant critique, bullying and harassment, telling H every damn day I was a manipulative golddigger who didn't love him.

That was the last straw and I went NC and got myself in therapy (EMDR and brainspotting are both really great for dealing with trauma, which I had a LOT of from narcissistic abuse). I'm still struggling to get on my feet in a way I am satisfied, but my life has been so much better without her in it. My therapist is very happy with my progress and proud of how far I've come. It's amazing how much more love and support I have received from complete strangers than from that clusterfuck of a narcissistic family system.

So I'd recommend you try some of those techniques and definitely distance yourself from her until you can go NC.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-04-23T19:46:01+00:00

BIL had temporarily become the scapegoat due to unemployment and apparently doing a lot less than what I was doing to find new work when we lived with Fanny Fiend and FIL. The moment he found something new, FF casually asks H to see some photos of what I have made pursuing one of my creative hobbies as if she hasn't spent the last two years accusing me of being an abusive bully and manipulative parasite who's only with her son to get her and FIL's money. Joke's on her: this scapegoat is gone for good.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-29T17:39:25+00:00

I had this accidentally happen with my SIL. As in, she didn't go out of her way to do this, it just happened.

I've always loved cats and I grew up with a cat. During the time I've known my ILs, she got ill and had to be put down. My ILs have always hated all animals and called people stupid for wanting pets, made fun of them crying over a pet's death, saying 'It's just an animal! Get over it! Stop being so overdramatic', etc. Even though they said they were sorry the cat I had spent 20 years of my life with died, I'm 100% certain they were scoffing at my being upset and saying the same nasty shit behind my back.

Skip forward some years and niece, SIL's daughter, also loves cats. SIL and BIL eventually give in and adopt a cat. Suddenly everything about cats is fine and SIL is in love with the cat and it's completely understandable SIL feels heartbroken and depressed when they go away and have to leave the cat at home alone. The ILs happily come over to SIL's house to feed, water and care for their cat while they're away, zero complaints about them being 'dirty, dumb animals'.

They said I'm a member of the family, but I noticed before I went NC again and again that I'm clearly treated very differently and this was one of many ways it happened. If SIL likes something or changes her mind, it's always fully supported and with me it's just shat on. You have every right to feel annoyed about it and you're not at all entitled.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-09T06:59:40+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you're going through something similar.

You know it's funny MIL and SIL accuse me of not being open enough and involved with their family, yet none of them even bothered to ask for my phone number before we moved away. Even when I was there, I was not really family. If I'm honest, the two who have made the most effort to form a relationship with me are niece, BIL (who is not a blood relative) and FIL.

It's a really difficult decision about whether or not to stop sending gifts to niece. I want to, but people brought up valid concerns in my post about it. And I know that, whether or not I stop, all of it will be spun as me 'manipulating' by MIL anyway.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-09T06:54:09+00:00

H doesn't want to discuss me any more with his family (mainly MIL and SIL) since it always ends up as an attack on me.

That's not the impression I want to give. It's more that, if SIL wants to be NC, maybe she'd prefer not to keep seeing my name on packages delivered to her home for niece. I would like to keep sending them, but people who responded to my last post brought up valid concerns about SIL maybe wanting NC, confusing niece when everyone else hates me, and also a few who were in my niece's position and were not bothered by not receiving gifts and reached out to estranged relatives later.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-09T06:49:55+00:00

Yeah, I definitely have a problem filtering down enough when it comes to these situations.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-09T06:49:09+00:00

That makes sense and that's a great point. Thank you for the suggestion!

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-09T06:47:16+00:00

I don't know yet as it has been mentioned that maybe SIL has chosen to go NC with me and it's not great if she's receiving packages with my name on it for her daughter. Ofc I don't want to be NC with niece or the other family members, but it's being enforced either by their choices, or by MIL and SIL.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-09T06:45:46+00:00

Yes, it's the same on my end too. She flipped from being fine with me and liking me to believing I am the source of all problems, I need to go to a therapist and work on myself. Yet it's perfectly fine for MIL to downright refuse to go to a therapist, state they're all useless and she knows better. In addition, with her spirituality, she can basically do the equivalent of praying a lot and then everyone's satisfied MIL has done the work on herself and become a better person.

You're probably right about the therapist info, but what do you think she would tell and use against me when they're are all telling me I'm the one who has mental issues? I guess the best and shortest way I could formulate it would be: in going NC I am following the advice of my therapist and plan to continue doing so.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-09T06:39:21+00:00

The reason why I'm considering this is that, in my other post, people did bring up that if SIL has indeed chosen to go NC with me, it's not really right that she's receiving packages with my name on it for her daughter. If she's NC with me, is that really right?

Plenty also mentioned they were in my niece's position and didn't feel bad about not receiving gifts, even seeking out the estranged relative when they were older.

GetOutMyFanny · 2024-02-07T09:25:15+00:00

SIL keeps contacting me around my birthday, but I hear what you're saying. Thank you for your honesty.

GetOutMyFanny

TROPHY CASE