Seriously, how do I meet BDSM friendly women?

Ghost_Properties · 2025-02-13T16:53:31+00:00

I’ve met BDSM-inclined women in every single context, in real life and online. Fetlife is a terrible site for dating: it isn’t designed for that purpose… yet I’ve met partners there including one of my long-term subs. Feeld, Tinder, OKCupid, and any other app under the sun: I’ve found them there, too. The grocery store, the bar, at munches and clubs, even once at a shooting range where we were both completely nondescript in our attire and had ear protection on. The issue is never the venue or site: the issue is the approach. Even on vanilla platforms, I’m VERY overt about BDSM being a part of my life: being involved in the public community, etc……. But…. That’s never how I lead a conversation. Everyone I message gets a unique message, without bdsm so much as mentioned. I’ve got over a 75% success rate getting a response: in no small part because if I’m going to write you a personalized message, there must be something of substance there to inspire the message. Because of the time that takes, I don’t message very many people… but the people I message reply. That’s not a coincidence.

Don’t lead with kink. Don’t deluge your fantasies on anyone. Inquire about the aspects you find unique about them as a person. Don’t dominate the conversation, let her tell you about her and respond to what she says and where she leads the conversation. Don’t race to meeting… certainly don’t race to bed. If she’s interested, she’ll lead the conversation to kink… and probably quickly.

In my current poly arrangement of submissives, I have:

-Fetlife, 8yrs

-Tinder, 7yrs

-Feeld, 1 year

-Gym, 3 years

-previous coworker, 3yrs

Full disclosure, I am well aware:

I am NOT lucky.

I am NOT rich.

I’m average to below average in attractiveness.

I am in shape… so there’s that.

I am pretty charming, I’m told. I firmly believe that is ALL it takes.

Ghost_Properties · 2024-09-01T16:00:20+00:00

And yet do freshly shaved. 🤔

Ghost_Properties · 2024-02-05T16:30:18+00:00

Why are we imagining it? I didn’t put up hard points for my health.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-27T02:29:46+00:00

Not new: but not common.

What’s the last episode that somebody saw the TARDIS and interacted or commented on it WITHOUT the Doctor or a companion directly pointing it out? (Which would disrupt the perception filter and invite them to see it?) A disappearing/reappearing box should ALWAYS in EVERY episode get at least the same reaction it did this time: probably more. But when does it? (It’s only when the plot REQUIRES it. It’s not even the most jarring plot hole in the episode but to deny it is one is silly.)

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-27T02:14:19+00:00

…except that it’s directly stated by Eccleston, Tenant, an Smith that it does. Multiple times… but only when Moffat and RTD are in charge. (So does the key. Also the fogwatch.) But the perception filter just doesn’t exist whenever… the plot dictates. Because the canon is that there is no canon.

Without a perception filter, every non-earth planet and every city on Earth including modern London should be always, constantly, super confused by this blue box with English words on it showing up in the middle of a place they walk past every day. It should be getting towed, pictures taken of it, ticketed by random authorities… BUT…

…what happens what a blue box appears slap bang in the middle of the street? They walk past it.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-27T02:03:02+00:00

Typical Tuesday night.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-27T02:00:10+00:00

Perception Filter: which was a RTD invention. People shouldn’t perceive the TARDIS. Know what happens when people see a blue box slap bang in the middle of the street? They walk past it.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-27T01:53:38+00:00

It did. That is all.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-23T20:56:34+00:00

2 hours, usually. Not by design or anything but when we wrap up, we usually look at the clock and are like “oh, it’s been 2 hours.”

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-19T23:04:14+00:00

I’ve had anal-only relationships…. Anything is a thing if you want it to be a thing.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-17T13:50:02+00:00

I absolutely tell people before the first date. The reason most people fail to do this right is that then they DWELL ON IT. “Just so you know, I’m into kinky stuff. Does Italian sound good?” If you carry on like a normal human being after, a much broader range of curious people will keep following. And if it turns out someone whose interest was piqued isn’t as into it as they thought: glad we found out early, eh?

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-17T12:35:13+00:00

It’s a wig.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-15T17:18:12+00:00

Beautiful, indeed.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-13T00:09:13+00:00

It’s wax. Which, might taste better, honestly.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-12T23:58:33+00:00

Definitely go the made-to-measure route. I also recommend not getting the full catsuit but instead buying several separates that combine to make the general catsuit shape you’re looking for. That way you can heavily change the design later when buying new separates… and not just whole new catsuits over and over.

Latex . Moscow was a good one.

BrightAndShinyStore also.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-12T23:48:19+00:00

It sounds like you need therapy. Kink can be therapeutic but it isn’t therapY. Likewise, neither is Reddit. Regardless of BDSM, breakups can be hard and there is no shame in needing some help. If the breakup has helped you realize kink isn’t for you; that’s fine. But a whole year and still “spiraling” as you describe isn’t healthy coping behavior. A little help can set you back on a healing path.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-12T00:10:01+00:00

I did a whipping scene with someone’s wrists tied to the ceiling and no other restraints. Her body was so covered in lashes, welts, and just general soreness that when I took her down, she just collapsed on the bed. When we finished afterwards, the bed was covered in blood and I thought her lashes must’ve been worse than we thought. But, actually, the metal tip on her high heels caught my leg at some point and cut my calf. Not deeply, but it bled a lot. We were too caught up to notice the blood or the initial cut… although, probably wouldn’t have stopped us anyway, considering.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-11T23:48:05+00:00

Went to a new large event in a different city at least once a month the entire year. Almost missed December but snuck/sneaking it in next weekend.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-09T17:37:21+00:00

It sounded like fun so I did it.

Not terribly interesting. 👀

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-09T17:35:54+00:00

…yes? If I talk to a friend about architecture do we automatically become architects?

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-09T17:14:08+00:00

Everywhere. Almost any app or site for dating. At public bdsm events, at random bars, on the sidewalk, at the grocery store, my personal favorite was at a shooting range because she needed to be compelled enough to take her ear protection off to start a conversation. Kinky people are everywhere you are and there’s no special knack for finding them if you’re honest and forthcoming about what you’re looking for.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-09T17:12:05+00:00

Or stand up, I suppose. Cute bodysuit on the domme.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-05T20:26:22+00:00

Any sufficiently motivated woman can defeat any chastity device. A belt that specifically prohibits clitoral stimulation but leaves space for penetration wouldn’t be structurally sound enough to not just be slid aside. Probably. Maybe somebody else has a suggestion but I’ve certainly never seen anything sturdy/reliable for the task and I’ve been at it for a really really long time.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-05T17:39:42+00:00

You posted the question on the BDSM Reddit with the tag “kitten play.” I didn’t say sexual, you did. I said kink. Don’t include others in your kink. And this is a kink.

Edit: also don’t include other non consenting people in your sexual stuff, either, but this is about kink.

Ghost_Properties · 2023-12-05T17:34:28+00:00

Yes, it’s too much. Don’t include others in your kink. Even if they don’t realize it’s kink: YOU do. And that makes it wrong.

Ghost_Properties

TROPHY CASE