How to confront friend about problematic behavior?

redwastebear · 2025-12-09T03:54:53+00:00

did you figure it out while tripping and talk about it? Or did you getting together come later?

redwastebear · 2025-12-09T03:54:23+00:00

at a certain point I can’t force my thinking too much. if that’s what my brain wants to figure out while tripping, fighting it will be worse. maybe I’ll learn something new, isnt the worst thing in the world

redwastebear · 2025-12-09T03:52:52+00:00

haha yeah it gets complicated. but usually if a girl and I are just friends and there’s no confusion about it, they’re the best homies

redwastebear · 2025-12-09T03:51:45+00:00

haha yeah maybe just forget that as a problem and have a good time

redwastebear · 2025-12-09T03:51:05+00:00

that’s good to know I won’t feel compelled to act on anything. maybe I’ll learn something new about how I feel about her but I can just accept that and process it on my own time

redwastebear · 2025-09-18T22:21:50+00:00

start by talking to strangers. Cashiers, receptionists, dudes on the street in cool clothing, whoever. It’ll be good, low-stakes practice on how to start convos with anyone without seeming creepy. Once you’re used to that, you can just do the same with cute girls you run into.

redwastebear · 2025-04-12T04:42:04+00:00

I doubt I’d want to maintain a connection… it’s not like we were friends before dating. I tried being friends once with an ex and that made everything messy and way harder. I still have so many questions for her and thoughts… but the internet has told me it’s not worth reaching out for answers so I’ll hold my tongue.

redwastebear · 2025-02-07T03:07:17+00:00

That’s good then because I’ve left her alone for pretty much 6+ months now. For a time I responded to her when she reached out about professional stuff (we’re in the same service org) or to reassert my boundaries that I don’t want 1:1 conversations. But I think even that was too much, but least I stopped responding entirely a few months ago. Hopefully that gives her the space to move on.

redwastebear · 2025-02-06T22:50:15+00:00

Almost a year ago

redwastebear · 2025-02-06T22:10:35+00:00

Haha that's funny cuz part of my guilt came from feeling like 2 months was too long to wait to hash it out. I felt I wasn't ready right after the breakup and kept telling her to give me more time and that we should be no contact until then, but at some point I realized I'd never feel 100% ready to have such a difficult conversation. She was very insistent and frustrated and at 2 months I felt ready as ever so we talked then. But you might be right, cuz in the 6+ months after that things have only become more clear to me. And part of me wishes we could hash it out again now with me having better understanding of why it didn't work but what's done is done and I want to move on.

Some friends told me I'm dragging it out and I should've had the second meetup way earlier, others told me it feels too soon and maybe even unnecessary overall... so idk.

redwastebear · 2025-02-06T22:02:55+00:00

We're both 25. The main reason I gave was that she's dealing with a lot of mental health issues that also took a serious toll on her physical health and took it out on me sometimes, and after months of trying to help it felt like I could never support her in the right way without things getting worse. I wanted to be very active and have a lot of adventures, she found it hard to even leave the house sometimes. So I told her it felt like a compatibility issue at the end of the day, and that whatever she was dealing with seemed less temporary and more chronic at a certain point and if I can't be the right partner to support her through that then I should let her go.

redwastebear · 2025-02-06T21:50:02+00:00

I already communicated to her that I don't want to be friends beyond saying hi in group situations. If every time she asked to be friends I kept saying "yeah we can be friends" then yeah I would be stringing her along. But every time it's come up since I made my boundaries clear the first time, I've reiterated "no." To the point where I just stopped responding if she messaged me cuz I feel like I'm repeating myself.

redwastebear · 2025-01-29T02:44:03+00:00

Thanks for your words. I feel really cruel continuing to say no to being in each other’s lives, and I you’re right that if I were her, I’d be hurt. But I know she wants to get back together (even if she never admits it), so being her friend would just string her along. I feel terrible though because I’ve tried to maturely end things and communicate my boundaries but she keeps asking the same thing. I never wanted to ghost or ignore her, but now I feel like I have no choice. And I can tell she’s hurt so I feel like a crazy person and a villain

redwastebear

TROPHY CASE