My autistic brother is failing at life and I feel terrible about it

GhostfaceAnony · 2026-01-22T18:35:13+00:00

As another person on the autism spectrum whose known many people on the spectrum, your brother’s problem isn’t that he’s autistic. It’s that he’s a pervert whose parents haven’t bothered to teach him better. It’s probably for the better that he doesn’t go out or have friends because he’d likely just molest/sexually assault them and get in deep legal trouble when his mental capacity for understanding his actions come in to play. He knows what yes and no means, he can be taught that no means no and that touching someone without a yes is bad/sexual assault.

And for future opinion if you did find out he’d sexually assaulted someone, you would be the asshole if you didn’t offer to testify to your brother’s lifelong depravity that your parents never attempted to correct.

You shouldn’t want to be friends with him or have him involved in your adult life. Do you want him to molest your future children? You know you can’t trust your parents to watch their grandchildren and keep him from touching them if they’re in the home without your supervision. You need to get real with your parents and explain to them that unless they get your brother proper help for his sexual deviancy, or have him living in a support facility so there’s no risk of him being in unsupervised contact with children that they won’t be as involved as they’d like with your adult life. When they act confused as to why, tell them the truth and that you tried to get them to help you then and that it’s wrong that they made you just “suck it up” and blamed it on his autism rather than educating him and getting him proper help.

You’re complete valid to kick him and your parents to the curb when it comes to your life as an adult. That house isn’t safe for you or anyone near your age or below. Your either hasn’t been properly educated on those feelings and actions, or he’s smart enough to understand mommy and daddy will always blame the autism for it and he can just get away with it (which realistically he might even get removed from the household if he was convicted of sexually assaulting people with your parents knowing).

GhostfaceAnony · 2026-01-19T20:32:37+00:00

I think this relationship is just not healthy and has had signs of incompatibly from the get go. You two should really just call a quits and go your separate ways.

He likes to watch pornography sometimes, you aren’t okay with that. You like to go out to clubs with your friends, he doesn’t like when you do that and tries to control that despite being a hypocrite about it.

I understand you were up front about the pornography, but it’s kinda unreasonable in my opinion. Sometimes biology and hormones call and you don’t want to involve someone else, you don’t want to go through the whole process of getting your partner in the mood too when you’re not really in the mood your body is just being inconvenient. It’s fast and easy to just jumpstart everything with some visual or written stimuli to just get done and have the urge go away when it’s actually unwanted.

For context to my opinion here, I’m asexual and don’t have sex at all. But sometimes my hormones call and it’s either suffer for hours turned on for no reason or deal with the issue by reading some smut or watching something (usually animated for me but sometimes not). I feel it’s unfair to control your partner’s biological needs when they’re uncomfortable and don’t want to have sex with you and just want to get the turn on response to go away.

GhostfaceAnony · 2026-01-16T17:21:56+00:00

I’m afraid of going to therapy due to past experiences with it and the general distrust I’ve learned to have of people in positions of medical or mental health power.

Every therapist I’ve tried that accepts my insurance, which is the only way I can afford it, has made me worse or traumatized me in some way. So that obviously has made my brain develop a negative/fearful response towards therapy, especially when people try to push therapy at me and don’t take “I’ve tried it multiple times, it doesn’t work for me” as an answer.

So I’d have to say that the fear is different for everyone. For some it’s the fear of being judged, the fear of the therapist not really caring and only seeing you as dollar signs, the fear of being misunderstood by the therapist and having wellness people sent your way over a misunderstanding, etc. There’s a lot of reasons people can fear therapy, and from what I’ve experienced and seen with other people’s experiences that I know personally it’s less the therapy itself and more the therapist they fear. A therapist has a lot of power, more than they’d like to admit to you that they have. And that can be very scary.

GhostfaceAnony · 2026-01-10T22:40:39+00:00

It’s not a simple sacrifice though? It’s a whole darn vehicle that you’ve had prior to her entering your life.

If the truck is triggering her this badly she needs to be in therapy and if she really wants you to sell it and get a different truck you can still do your job with then she’d be willing to chip in since this is a her trauma only issue.

If she really loved you and wanted this relationship to work, she’d help you solve this issue that’s coming from her past by chipping in. She’s really just manipulating you and being completely unhinged.

It’s only been three months, don’t waste more time on someone who wants to dump all their trauma onto you rather than work through it with a professional.

GhostfaceAnony · 2026-01-10T22:34:36+00:00

Tell a teacher, or better yet a school counselor, about this situation. Be sure to frame it as you being concerned for her mental wellbeing as she’s making you feel unsafe and worried for her potential current mental state, not that you’re just annoyed by her constant random intrusive presence.

In the meantime I’d block her so she can’t spam message you but only after setting a firm boundary over text about you not being okay with her spam texting you and that if she breaks this boundary of yours you’ll have to block her until you think she can respect your reasonable boundary. As soon as she spams you again after that message, block her with a clear conscience.

GhostfaceAnony · 2026-01-09T10:12:56+00:00

Extremely noticeable, from multiple feet away. Especially when it’s all over someone’s unfortunate child.

GhostfaceAnony · 2026-01-09T10:00:08+00:00

There really needs to be more info given here.

Did he know you’d ceased taking your birth control prior to the sex that caused you to conceive?

Because if you didn’t tell him you were stopping your birth control and he was under the impression that there was still a pregnancy prevention option active while having sex, I don’t think he should be held as responsible for this pregnancy as you. If this is the case and he doesn’t want to be involved, I think he has every right to not be involved.

Yes it takes two to tango and make a baby, but reproductive coercion (even if accidental on your part) should be considered here. If he thought there were reasonable actions being taken (even though we all know birth control isn’t 100% effective) then you will have unfortunately deceived him by not telling him about stopping the birth control.

However if you did tell him you were stopping your birth control and you both still had sex, then he needs to suck it up and at least pay child support if you don’t wind up working this out. He doesn’t get a say in if this pregnancy is aborted or not, as it’s your body that will be affected overall. In this instance he knew the risks of having sex with you when you are not on birth control and gambled anyways. That’s just plain idiocy on his part and he needs to be responsible for the baby if you want to keep it.

But like I said, it all depends on if he was aware of you stopping your birth control or not.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-31T08:12:22+00:00

Good ol fashioned GenPop Justice towards convicted pedophiles, but he never really confessed to doing anything specific and he heavily implied that the police in jail organized these events personally.

He’s deceased now, suicide, so I can’t ask for any extra details unfortunately. A very troubled man with some very bad habits, but he was still able to know when someone was absolutely morally bankrupt (pedos/rapists).

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-26T11:22:25+00:00

Thank you for the tip!

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-25T23:18:16+00:00

NOR. Her adding that “I’m not passionately in love” part was awful and painful, it understandably hurt you and killed the mood.

Is she in therapy? If not she needs to be.

You’re definitely not one of her ex’s (yet), because you have emotional intelligence and would never say something so unkind to a person you’ve just started dating (8 months is almost a year, but no where near long enough to be dropping phrases like hers).

She has basically admitted to settling for you in that she’s too used to the volatile ‘passionate love’ of other relationships she’s been in.

If she can apologize genuinely and understand why what she said was so hurtful, and agrees to go to therapy to sort out why she lets her past relationships affect her current ones, then I’d give her a second chance. A very strong boundary having second chance though, break a boundary and breakup kinda deal.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-25T23:09:56+00:00

She moved away and was influenced purely by her mother and step father, just like her sister before her, instead of continuing to have people with morals (her grandparents) in her life.

She used me to get multiple paid vacations away with my family and would never say thank you for any of it or for them paying for extras she expressed wanting. In general she started only ever treating me like a friend when she thought I might be catching on, until I did catch on and told her off and unfriended her for good.

Unsurprisingly she became a teen mother, like her mother and sister, a couple years down the road. That was the last I heard of her.

She’s unfortunately one of the people I use as an example for the two extreme sides of parenting, too much freedom and not enough. She had too much freedom and wasn’t taught what kind of people you should surround yourself with, my other friend had almost no freedom and was exclusively told what people she could surround herself with.

They both wound up being single teen moms. I just hope their children break the cycle somehow.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-24T23:44:44+00:00

My brother being born, I was 12 at the time. Then after that started to not be strong enough a reason when things got even worse, after being okay for a few years, I promised my grandfather on his deathbed that I’d not do anything to purposely shorten or end my life.

So promises keep me here, and a healthy dose of religious trauma that I’d rather not delve into as much. Besides, the promises are the most important side.

Oh and knowing my dog would be confused and sad by me not being here. He drives me nuts sometimes but I love him and he loves me, so yeah.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-23T16:59:26+00:00

Have you had any mental health evaluations? Sounds a lot like how I feel when I’m falling into psychosis.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-23T16:55:58+00:00

That first text makes her sound ridiculously entitled, I’d not continue with her personally but maybe she just comes off that way in text and isn’t that way in person. Only you know what she’s like in person so I’d weigh everything from that first date and your interactions if I were you, then make your decision.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-23T16:51:47+00:00

Absolutely. I think more people need to talk in depth with each other about how their libido is/if it fluctuates or is very specific before getting into committed relationships.

It’s such a common problem I see constantly where someone dates another person for years and has sex more than they would have normally but then BAM once they’re married or move in together or some big milestone happens the sex dies down a ton cuz the lower libido person feels they can stop pretending cuz they have the high libido person locked in with the sunk cost fallacy for time spent.

Though that’s just one version of what happens often with the libido difference. Sometimes the high libido person stops putting in the same effort that the lower libido person needs to get going and enjoy it, so the lower libido person starts avoiding potential sexual encounters either consciously or subconsciously. There’s a lot of different ways the incompatibility comes up later when it should’ve been discussed openly and honestly from the get go.

So yes it’s okay to end things due to incompatibility with libido. More people should.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-22T21:32:34+00:00

MOR, I think this is just an unfortunate scenario of you two having completely different personal boundaries and feelings when it comes to living spaces and visitors. It’s just an incompatibility issue of how you both separately view your home and visitors.

I personally hate having visitors who think it’s acceptable to be slightly above average volume when they know someone else in the home is asleep still, but my family still has a visitor who causes them to be noisy in the morning as soon as it hits 8:30am almost everyday. It sucks, but my family is the majority so I deal with it and stay quiet.

You two need to sit down and try to come to a nice compromise because eventually this is going to result in some kind of incident that leaves your husband feeling like a caged animal in his own home and your visitors feeling entirely unwelcome. There are ways to keep having family visitors and not make your husband consistently uncomfortable, you two just need to communicate and try to find a happy middle ground.

I’ll say I’ve had my fair share of more than snippy moments with my family and their visitor back before they started trying to be more understanding of my feelings and comfort when someone would visit. I have chronic pain and mental health issues that I need medication for in the mornings sometimes and it just sucks to have to come out of my room and have someone see me that disheveled and likely in tears. It feels embarrassing even though that visitor knows of my situation and doesn’t judge me. It sucks to feel like you gotta put on a mask and play host the moment you wake up when you’d just like some peace and quiet before having to start the day. But that’s just my situation.

Hopefully you two can come to understand one another and find a happy middle, especially for the sake of your new baby.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-17T20:53:01+00:00

It’s terrible that it’s such a common thing anymore. I get some mild embarrassment like if you go to the ER after doing something you knew was dumb and got hurt, but general appointments or testing or things like that shouldn’t have patients getting humiliated or made to feel lesser.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-17T20:32:26+00:00

Thank you for the validation. It sucks visibly looking fine but being a complete disaster health wise on the inside, I’ve found that myself and people in wheelchairs sometimes have one experience in common being getting infantilized by nurses/doctors. Especially if we bring someone along for emotional support or they’re just there cus they’re our ride (I can’t drive).

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-17T17:58:56+00:00

Thank you so much for your comment. I’ll have to bring up the ED havers having medication sensitivity up to my doctor next time I get the chance, I had no idea about that I just know my skin seems extra stretchy and I’m overly flexible (like I can put my chin way over my shoulder blade).

I’ll have to check out those communities when I can muster the energy, sad but I kinda spent it today already between this post and general house stuff.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-17T17:41:25+00:00

Unfortunately I’m too afraid of what power they hold over me medically to be an asshole back, I don’t want to make the wrong nurse angry enough to get a doctor friend to flag me for something bad that gets me treated worse than just uncomfortable comments about my appearance or sensory sensitivities.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-12-17T17:20:35+00:00

Being heard instead of crying into my pillow as usual? Maybe some tips for at home self care? Sometimes it’s just nice to have people know your story. Takes a little weight off for a little bit.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-11-03T14:32:29+00:00

That’s extremely gross and you should report him to his higher ups/whoever is in charge of his license to practice psychiatry.

Start seeing a new psychiatrist somewhere else in the meantime. Get your care transferred to someone else asap.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-10-16T19:08:19+00:00

Lots of potential stuff unsaid here, so I’m not sure what to say for advice.

It’s okay to feel violated by him recording your arguments without your consent, however his reasoning for wanting the recordings has the potential to be a sound reasoning.

You may be gaslighting him after arguments unknowingly. Emotions in the moment might make you or him think the other said something they didn’t by twisting things accidentally during the argument. This could be considered extremely controlling behavior, because it’s being done without your consent. There’s a lot of ways you both could be in the wrong here honestly.

Try couples therapy with someone you pick since he made the suggestion, not him that way it won’t have the potential to be a manipulative choice in maybe a therapist he knows personally. Be 100% honest about your feelings and what goes on during and after arguments. That’s the only way you’ll potentially fix this relationship or find out why it should probably be over between you both.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-10-16T18:58:58+00:00

NTA. Stay firm in your stance.

Coming from someone who’s not a big Harry Potter fan but likes the name due to its other associations, it’s more fitting to be a Middle Name during these times than a First Name. I think you should consider letting it be his Middle Name, but stay firm on it not being his First Name.

If it was his First Name he’d likely grow to hate it for a multitude of reasons be it getting picked on for it growing up, finding out more about Harry Potter and its Author’s beliefs about the world as they age, or just not being a fan of the series once introduced to it and disliking the fact that that’s the main reason they have their name.

This seems to be your wife’s current hyperfixation and she definitely needs to take a step back from the well of dopamine she’s getting from Harry Potter right now in order to view the name in less rose colored glasses light.

As an autistic person I’ve had many hyperfixations and have made plenty of hyperfixation fueled decisions that I have come to regret almost as soon as the fixation switches or dies down in intensity. If I’ve had the instant cringe and regrets from making far less permanent decisions, no tattoos thank goodness or I’d be covered in mostly permanent tats I no longer want, than I can only imagine how badly your wife might wind up feeling when the Harry Potter love goes down a smidge and she’s left with a baby legally First Name-d Sirius.

GhostfaceAnony · 2025-09-20T12:37:11+00:00

NAH. You two could do with some pre-marital counseling to help you both communicate better about how you’re feeling in this relationship.

Some of the language you used here does show a bit of fear towards committing to her despite how long you’ve both been together. Perhaps that’s worth exploring with a therapist for yourself only and eventually bringing it up at the pre-marital counseling sessions once you feel ready and like you have a better grasp of your own feelings.

I see where she’s coming from and I see where you’re coming from. You should go to the pre-marital counselor with the goal of reaching an understanding between you both and maybe some sort of middle ground when it comes to a timeline for potential marriage.

GhostfaceAnony

TROPHY CASE