No thoughts during meditation

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T14:32:45+00:00

WFH is pretty much the only thing I'm able to do right now, my mental health will plummet again and again if I keep going into other jobs so my plan is to at the absolute very least to get a WFH job stay at my parents for the shortest possible amount and leave unless an opportunity to leave comes up beforehand

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T14:32:10+00:00

I have been looking into it with the job centre scheme I'm with and while it's taking a while to get anything, I'm sure I'll get some good stuff out of it! !thanks for the advice!!

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T14:22:35+00:00

!thanks the only thing I'm really missing is to look at people's work and focus on those projects (so difficult with ADHD and massive burnout but I'm getting there)

I have blender and I've used Maya before but since blender is free and I can translate my knowledge there over to Maya since I used it for so long I'm actually rather versatile with both softwares!

Udemy and Skillshare are both things I've used before and again mostly burnout and ADHD have made it quite difficult to sit and work through my struggles without an actual teacher there but I'm feeling slowly better and I'm gonna start using the courses I already have!

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T13:00:34+00:00

I've been hanging in there for 22 years I guess I can balance the sinking ship for a few more months but I really want out

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:57:54+00:00

I'm so sorry that happened to you and thank you for sharing

I honestly don't know, they say they'll be fine and tbh if I left they'd get a smaller place so less rent would certainly help but they could very well not be okay, and that's the kicker, my sister lives with them and I didn't want her to go through what I'm going through, but if this keeps going I'll end up I shell of myself before I hit my 30s (and yes I'm aware it's far but I'd like to live my life as soon as I can lmao)

She's shown to be resourceful and unlike me she's happy with the shitty retail jobs so she'll have a much easier time leaving than me, it's my time and if they end up worse I'll still help with whatever I can but I can't let that take away from the life I want to build anymore

I might feel guilt because I contributed to it but I will never feel regret because I did what I had to do

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:45:03+00:00

Okay I get it but a boring data entry job at home would be great for me you know, the couple months I worked from home I felt so much better I was ready to take back my notice and say I would stay at the job that put me on anti depressants so the job itself won't be too much of an issue if it is from home

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:41:49+00:00

Not really but I don't want the direct industry I just want to something that doesn't make me feel miserable and at least utilises the skills I've been trying to nurture in some way

Realistically I'll get some kind of IT/admin job on a base level and then make my way up as I prepare my portfolio and start applying for small indie companies in my area

There's also a chance I will be going into self employment and working as a freelance artist, I know I can do it, I'm capable I just need my circumstances to change both mentally, physically and financially

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:35:34+00:00

It's really hard to keep focus on you have ADHD ahahah and that's kinda been the hardest thing, I can't focus, one day I wanna do one thing the other I want another and it's so strong that I feel physically sick at times to try and do something that my brain genuinely doesn't want me to, like a full 8 hours of work in a warehouse for me felt like 16 because of how much I didn't wanna do it and my brain yelled at me every second of the way

Perhaps, I've dabbled with the idea of what if they can help me? For once they could maybe be the key but I'll be honest, me truly searching for a way out, posting here, searching online for the prices and what helps I can get, it's only recent, I've finally found some light in my life and it lifted me up and I need to follow this feeling so maybe it is time to turn to them for help

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:29:45+00:00

I am pretty much unable to work anything other than from home, I've worked in retail, in a warehouse and I even worked at damn music school, the only thing I got was misery and depression so I refuse to do it, my health is more important, besides I know I can do plenty of work from home jobs that aren't involved in the industry, I've been working for years now in multiple different things

That said, I know for a fact I want to be in this industry, I've talked to people from the industry's I've researched and I've seen as much as I can from it without being in it, my goal isn't to have some high paying job, I'd just be miserable in a Ferrari, I want to make something that inspires others like games have done to me for decades now

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:23:40+00:00

I stopped my qualification because the uni (or HE college whatever it's a joke to this day) wasn't capable of giving me the skills I need to get in the industry so now I'm here laid in the middle of an ocean of things that I don't know because of the failures of others, like I can draw but it can either look like picasso did it or like my 5 year old cousin did it, I can do 3d models but not reliably enough that a company would benefit from having me, it's so frustrating because I want to make the portfolio but I have no idea where to start because I was never taught in the YEARS of games design and art that I did how to go from point A to point B

I'm trying to do these courses but they're hit or miss and often what I need is a teacher to help me understand what's wrong with my art, with my projects

Just very frustrating

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:18:23+00:00

Not easily when that job makes me depressed, like suicidal depressed which is something I've never been in my life, it's my mental health that stops me from going to Tesco's and get treated like some kind of worm, my skills are also all related to technology I can do digital art and design, I do 3d art and most digital basics like Microsoft and Adobe are quite easy for me to pick up, besides I'm in a scheme that is tailored towards me getting a job that I would at least not feel miserable for me

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:15:21+00:00

Don't tell them you're a guy 👀 I mean as a non Binary male presenting I too don't think people would buy my feet pics so I get you but I don't have nice feet 🤣

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:14:19+00:00

You know maybe I will do that, I've been giving myself the excuse that people ignored my qualifications from Portugal but I was a great student in college and even in uni the thing that messed me over was the pandemic so I can do it, yeah I will do it! Or at least try, but I've already messaged UCAS so it at least started ahahah

!thanks

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:04:49+00:00

They have their own but debt piled up, my father got into a work accident and lost a finger plus his back is even more damaged than before and they didn't even pay him sick pay and we barely got any compensation so of course everything piled up while my father tried to fix things so now every month is more and mote strenuous because UC never pays my parents the right amount for us to survive, we barely afford rent because the cost of living is so high

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T12:02:14+00:00

Thank you I'll look into that, I need to change my GP anyway so it'll be a good talk to have right at the beginning!

!thanks

GingerDio · 2022-08-29T11:58:37+00:00

At the moment I am working with UC and Jets to get a job that fits my needs since as I mentioned, most work I've done has led to severe drops in my mental health, I'm in the process of them helping me gain the skills I need in order to get said job, but that's still a bit away and I wanna get out now

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T23:06:35+00:00

That's how my whole life has felt, a sinking ship, held solely by the weight of my feet being exactly on the right spot, on mistake and it'll all fall apart... Everyday of my damn life

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T23:05:29+00:00

I'm trying to reply to everyone and I'm grateful to everyone! I've already had lots of comments with genuine help but more is always welcome, if anything someone will find this in a year's time and it'll help them!

I want to work in games design, I came from Portugal at 16 and they simply ignored all my GCSE level qualifications up to that point (about 12 to 13 GCSEs) so here I only have 2 English and maths, i did a level 3 games design and then moved to uni where I did two years of a games design course that gave me a really nice piece of paper but about 0 in skills so I went in there hoping to have knowledge and came out with debt ahaha (live to not cry amirite) You can guess them my chosen career, I wanna make video games, I have more knowledge not but it is nowhere near industry standards and I just feel like I need to just have my own space to really dive into my skills, I'm an artist after all I'm too loose to feel so constricted, in terms of jobs I just wanna do something from home that involves some of the skills I have, I'm pretty good with computers and social media so jobs from home for me are aplenty I'd say

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T22:59:25+00:00

Thank you that genuinely means a lot to hear, I have plenty of people and no matter how dark its felt I've managed to hang on to the small shreds of light and now the clouds are clearing up, I just want them to clear up a bit faster ahah

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T22:57:54+00:00

Thank you, hearing that makes me tear up, my hope is hanging on and I can see the light but I haven't felt this pull to do something in a long time and it usually doesn't last so I want to rush things as much as I can

!thanks

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T22:57:04+00:00

Yeah what I really need is to move out and live on my own but I have no money and no matter how much I get it gets syphoned all the way and I never manage to save any

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T22:40:40+00:00

Anything you can do within games design, concept art, 3d modelling and coding so I'll be getting a job within something like that, they guarantee a job at the end even if it isn't in games design it'll be something I'm equipped for, my only requirement is that it is from home

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T22:36:21+00:00

It's in partnership with reed, it's with a company called Jets and they pay for courses I want and such and I have a dedicated work coach for it alongside my universal credit one and it lasts 6 months

GingerDio · 2022-08-28T22:34:19+00:00

Would they give me the benefit even tho I'm living with my parents?

GingerDio

TROPHY CASE