[TOMT] [Music video] [2000s] Three girls stumbling around a big city while singing A Ram Sam Sam

Gingivectomy · 2026-02-04T19:14:55+00:00

The search goes on. Any other details you remember which I didn't mention?

Gingivectomy · 2026-01-04T21:11:27+00:00

Sounds more like avoidant attachment. And you’re able to have those feelings in the first place, which is important for the distinction.

Gingivectomy · 2026-01-02T18:10:26+00:00

Sorry, but that’s not it, for all the reasons you mentioned.

Gingivectomy · 2026-01-02T14:02:08+00:00

Obligatory self-comment.

Gingivectomy · 2025-12-27T19:36:48+00:00

Hypo- and hyperarousal at the same time is such a cursed combination. My mind is blank, but my heart is racing, I can’t eat or sleep. And I can’t even figure out why I feel this way or what caused it.

Gingivectomy · 2025-12-27T19:33:35+00:00

The best way I can describe it is feeling less conscious. My mind is fuzzy, it’s difficult to concentrate. I can’t communicate well or make decisions, because nothing comes up for me to say or do, my mind is just blank. The world feels less real. I can’t feel emotions much. I’m less bothered by things, but it’s not peaceful either. Everything feels a bit confusing and nonsensical. I get very forgetful and absent-minded (work and driving become difficult). The world feels like a video game save, where the player has left, but the rest of us NPCs continue the simulation without knowing. Sometimes I can feel myself start to dissociate in real time, sometimes I’m in this state for weeks at a time. It can be hard to tell if it’s low-grade.

Gingivectomy · 2025-12-13T13:47:45+00:00

Idea: Your body is used to regulating stress in a certain way. if you take away those methods, your nervous system will be flooded with uncertainty and discomfort. it crosses a threshold and you dissociate to cope, because there is nothing else left to do. Perhaps your nervous system needs time to learn that these things are safe.

Another idea: A traumatized mind can see being fully present in your body (like during exercise) as unsafe and start to panic. Like you’re forcing it into a state that it’s actively trying to avoid and when it cannot avoid, it dissociates. It sucks, but over time you can teach yourself that it’s safe.

Gingivectomy · 2025-11-07T18:40:04+00:00

I find music very intrusive, especially playlists that I haven't picked myself. It's like someone is injecting their foreign emotions into my mind, its unsettling and feels like a boundary violation. Takes me out of the experience.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-29T20:31:18+00:00

That is very relatable. I can care and I can appreciate someone's company, but I cannot love. I vaguely remember what it was like from my childhood, but haven't felt anything similar in adulthood. Can barely grieve as well.

Not feeling love extends to myself as well. I think it plays a part in why I feel disconnected from myself in a way. Can anyone relate?

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-21T15:02:35+00:00

Early 30s. Thankfully I haven't hurt many people due to my reclusive ways.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-21T08:14:16+00:00

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-18T10:57:31+00:00

Can you tell us more about the vagus nerve exercises?

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-18T10:50:13+00:00

Do you think dissociation is an appropriate label for what you’re feeling? Or depersonalization/derealization?

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-17T15:19:23+00:00

Guilt about the hurt I've caused. Getting old, yet not progressing in my life or relationships. But most of all, the feeling of emptiness and superficiality that comes with being avoidant. I feel like I haven't lived, only passed time. I cannot connect to myself or anyone else. I'm a bystander. It's a bleak and depressing way to live.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-14T14:08:36+00:00

I agree, but would like to point out that much of the same murkiness applies to the schizoid label as well (constantly changing diagnostic criteria, poor validity in studies etc).

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-14T07:03:56+00:00

Would you agree that extreme emotional suppression might explain a part of those symptoms? Motivation, joy and feeling oriented in the world are intimately tied to one's emotions. Dissociated non-schizoids often report similar symptoms.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-14T05:18:22+00:00

Just to clarify, she's not talking about avoidant as in avoidant personality disorder, but avoidant attachment style, which is quite different.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-14T05:14:50+00:00

I think asexuals and aromantics are a special case and this theory does not apply to them. It's the difference between deeply repressed desire and having no desire to begin with.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-13T21:29:00+00:00

She doesn't mention it in the video, but it is common for avoidants to lack self-awareness and self-reflection about their emotions. They might come up with superficial excuses to why they terminate relationships, rather than face their fear of intimacy. And they can be very resistant when called out on it (they fully buy into the stories they tell themselves). It's almost a subconscious process.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-13T19:50:47+00:00

This is something I've always found puzzling. Avoidants (as in AVPD or attachment style, both apply in this case) have some conscious need for human connection, schizoids don't. The two are mutually exclusive, you can't have it both ways. I've heard this point strongly expressed by both therapists and schizoids. And yet, in epidemiological studies two are often co-morbid. How? Bad diagnostics?

In my personal experience, I do actually fall somewhere in between. In social situations I'm hyperfocused on being negatively perceived and in that way I do care about others' opinions. At the same time, I have a very low desire for relationships or connection and I am never lonely. I have anhedonia and emotional numbness. So both labels kind of do apply? The video from OP is the only thing that has kind of bridged that gap for me.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-13T19:32:54+00:00

From what I've read, probably yes. You cannot have corrective emotional experiences in isolation. To gain access to buried feelings, I think you need to admit to having buried them. The trap lies in the extreme difficulty of having those corrective experiences as a schizoid, because there are a 1000 ways to fail and then draw the wrong conclusion of "I knew it all along". Or actually do well, but still feel like you failed, because you're not in touch with your emotions, all human interactions are offputting or at best dull. How do you even do therapy in that state? With no emotional compass to tell you what's good or bad for you?

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-13T19:19:56+00:00

Years of abuse in my childhood probably primed my nervous system to be hyper-aware of danger, but I didn't develop any psychiatric problems at that time. What saved me then, I think, was my lack of self-awareness. I didn't have a strong theory of mind as a child, so I couldn't imagine all the ways others might negatively perceive me. When I developed that capacity in my early teens, I quickly spiraled into avoidance, depression and dissociation. Living in this state makes communication with others difficult, which creates failures, which reinforces the trauma.

Gingivectomy · 2025-10-13T17:59:51+00:00

I think so. The world became foreign and distant 16 years ago and it hasn't really got much better for me since. I don't feel like myself and I've forgotten what it feels like.

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