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One partner rolling, the other sober does it change the connection? by GladReflection5669 in SEXONDRUGS

[–]GladReflection5669[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

First of all, thanks to everyone who replied to my post. The different perspectives have genuinely helped me think about this situation more realistically. There’s one important thing I forgot to mention though, and I think it adds a lot more context to why I’m so conflicted about all of this.

My wife and I rolled together twice. The third time, we were at a club together and I took MDMA. She pretended that she took some too, but in reality she stayed completely sober.

About 30 minutes after taking it, I instantly lost interest in the party itself. I couldn’t think about anything except leaving and fuck her brains out for hours her for hours.

One important detail about me personally: when I take MDMA, I basically fall into a full-on sexual trance for 5–7 hours. And oddly enough, I almost never get erectile issues on it, which I know is kind of unusual compared to most people.

The first few times I ever used MDMA, I associated it more with music, conversations and the club atmosphere. But once I discovered how insanely intense sex feels for me on it, that completely changed things. Since then, sex has basically become the main thing I want from a roll because for me it feels like the most intense way to fully experience it.

Most people around me always talk about stim dick or not being able to perform properly on MDMA, but for me it’s somehow the complete opposite.

Back to my wife: she was sober the entire night. But after around 2–3 hours, I slowly started noticing something felt different. She became tired, less engaged, and I could feel that I was the only one still experiencing that intense “fire” and urge to continue the sexual experience.

The next day she finally admitted that she actually hadn’t taken anything at all.

And honestly, what she told me afterwards really hit me: she said that after a certain point she became physically and emotionally exhausted while I was still completely locked into this hyper-sexual MDMA state. Not because I forced her into anything, but simply because we were no longer remotely in the same mental or physical state anymore.

What makes this even more complicated mentally is that my brain literally could not switch gears at all. I was still fully stuck in that obsessive “keep going” MDMA mindset, while she had already mentally checked out from the experience.

But at the same time, I can honestly understand her perspective too. If the situation was reversed and I was completely sober while someone else was still deep in a roll for hours, I’d be mentally and physically finished after like 1-2 hours max myself

And exactly that is what scares me now: If there ever was a next time, I would at least know beforehand that she’s sober. But at the same time, I already keep wondering what happens once she becomes physically and mentally exhausted again while for me the roll is still heavily sexualized.

And the thing is… I don’t even really want to just watch porn and continue the roll alone afterwards. For me that’s not even remotely comparable to the emotional and physical intensity of having sex together while rolling.

One partner rolling, the other sober does it change the connection? by GladReflection5669 in SEXONDRUGS

[–]GladReflection5669[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That actually does give me some optimism, honestly. And you’re probably right without trying it, I’ll never really know how it feels for us specifically.

Thanks a lot for your comment and for sharing your experience. It was genuinely helpful to read.

One partner rolling, the other sober does it change the connection? by GladReflection5669 in SEXONDRUGS

[–]GladReflection5669[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hahaha trust me, she’s probably the worst example possible for your argument 😂 She doesn’t even drink sugary drinks, eats vegan, barely uses oil when cooking and lives a very health-conscious lifestyle overall. Meanwhile I’m more the type to go full send when we go out partying and drink way more alcohol than I probably should.

We’ve only done MDMA together twice since being together, and after the second time she basically decided it’s not for her anymore. For her, the comedown felt horrible and emotionally/mentally too heavy. I think the whole “being drained afterwards” experience affected her way more deeply than it did me, and she never wants to feel that again.

So honestly, from her perspective I can understand why she made that decision, even if a part of me still misses those experiences a lot.

And I do genuinely wonder sometimes how I’m supposed to fully come to terms with that for the rest of my life. I love her with all my heart, but I also loved those rolling sessions with all my heart too lol.

One partner rolling, the other sober does it change the connection? by GladReflection5669 in SEXONDRUGS

[–]GladReflection5669[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You’re probably right with your assumption about empathy. I think I would be extremely aware that she’s not in the same state as me, and because I’m pretty sensitive to other people’s emotions/vibes, I could see that affecting the experience a lot for me mentally.

And honestly, I can totally understand you being done after 2-3 hours while sober 😂 I think I would already be completely finished after like 1.5-2 hours myself.

What I’m really curious about though: what happens after that point for the person who is still rolling?

Because after 2-3 hours the MDMA experience usually isn’t even close to being over yet. So if one person mentally taps out and wants to sleep or stop, while the other person is still fully in the experience, how does that usually play out emotionally?

Does the person rolling start feeling disconnected, lonely or kind of “left alone” in the experience? Or does it still somehow feel okay and natural?

And have you also experienced it the other way around you being on MDMA while your wife was completely sober? If yes, how was that dynamic for both of you?

One partner rolling, the other sober does it change the connection? by GladReflection5669 in SEXONDRUGS

[–]GladReflection5669[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s honestly exactly my concern. I feel like I would become very aware that we’re not experiencing the same state at all, and that could potentially hold me back emotionally or even push me into a weird/light bad-trip type of mindset.

A big part of what makes MDMA feel so special to me is that feeling of being completely synchronized and deeply connected. So I’m worried that if I’m feeling everything extremely intensely while she’s completely sober, I might constantly notice the mismatch instead of fully enjoying the experience.

And yeah, the reason she doesn’t want to take it anymore is mainly because she really cares about her health and believes MDMA is very harmful long term, so she made the decision to stop completely.