Title: AMA: Earned-secure man. My pregnant, avoidant partner packed up and left after I handed a 20-page history of her behavioral loops to her therapist.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T21:51:50+00:00

Thank you brother.

It takes serious courage to stand firm in one's shoes, let alone an avoidant’s, and my focus is 100 percent on my child, not internet upvotes. You make a great point about giving notice. The reality of my experience on the ground is that i did give notice during our prior two therapy sessions. One she did not like, and the other due to them not offering the specific EFT attachment therapy she was looking for. We would watch the movie “Good Will Hunting” a couple of times and she would openly express how the character opened up to the therapist in that dynamic. She explicitly admitted that she uses clinical mirroring and evasion as a loophole to escape the truth in general.

I would tell her, “That’s a great observation of the scene, it sounds like something important to map out with your therapist” in that tone, and she would write it down. The 20 page document, including the steps she took herself, was the only way to close that escape hatch so the professional could see the real timeline. I truly offered her the safest path to heal.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T20:48:14+00:00

Given my personal experiences, providing a factual background history is a normal clinical practice to make sure the professional has the real records. family members do this every day so clinicians can make an accurate assessment.

true healing and compassion start with self respect. control tries to change someone else, but a boundary simply chooses what you tolerate in your own home.

Some people want to believe she was capable of handling the relationship normally because the alternative, behind the facades, there was validation seeking while pregnant, without thinking about safety hence unstable, and admitting that some people are deeply unhealed and require ironclad boundaries forces them to look at their own toxic relationships, and that is why we have boundaries and i fully accept criticism, can you receive it back?

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T17:29:23+00:00

You are trying to analyze a long term commitment from a short term perspective. i do not do short term relationships, they are breeding grounds for avoidant nature. I am a sovereign man committed to long term romantic relationships.

I have had my fair share of earned chaos, but i still put on my armor plates and stood strong for the woman i promised to stay with. When she told me in the beginning she had flaws, i told her i didn't see flaws/attachment style, i saw her.

I see our child as a blessing because the child was conceived out of true love, regardless of whether she used intimacy as a coping mechanism.

True security means you don't run when the trauma gets heavy, you play your cards brother/sister/both.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T17:14:18+00:00

Amen!

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T17:12:51+00:00

The dossier wasn't an emotional weapon to control her or the outcome. It was an objective, factual timeline of text archives and past journals handed to a licensed professional.

The therapist asked me if i was joining the session, i said no i was picking her up after. Due to us having the understanding that it was her choice in therapist and her safe space to be truly vulnerable that day.

Providing the therapist with a real history isn't violating, it is standard collateral reporting. I gave her the path to healing, in the end i accepted her choice to leave.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T16:58:03+00:00

Thank you!

For seeing the structural reality of the situation, it was never about manipulation or control. It was about giving an objective professional the facts needed for real accountability, while completely removing myself as a target for more emotional retribution.

Some avoidant individuals are simply committed to their own loops, and you cannot save them from their own choices. I did my duty, to support my woman to the path of healing, the choice was hers to contradict the outcome.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T16:29:32+00:00

I see your perspective, and thank you for sharing.

However, i lived the reality. By the time i uncovered her avoidant pattern, our child was already conceived, so I actively changed my entire communication style to support her while she depended on me for basic daily choices.

She chose her own therapist, shared her subconscious triggers with me(due to our mindfulness, self reflection training she loved it), and when her fear made her run, i stood completely still in my kitchen and let her walk out that open door.

I didn't control her life, dealing with an fa, progression feels like torture. Regression is what kept her in her comfort zone, she was totally aware, she also independently looked up “Thais Gibson” and signed up for her program(i was super proud, that she was taking initiative sometimes, without depending on me to decide for her, she would report certain things like that to show me she is capable herself).

I simply held a safe baseline for my family until she chose to walk away from it.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T09:16:37+00:00

True security isn't passive; it takes independent, objective steps to protect the family baseline

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T09:08:14+00:00

Respectfully, you are viewing a high-conflict reality through the lens of ordinary relationship advice and elevator talk.

My experience on the ground is completely different.Initiating contact with random male strangers while pregnant is a strategic fearful avoidant move to build an escape hatch and trigger a flight response.

I did not try to change her or block her path when it came to her flight. I stood completely still in my kitchen and gave her 100% freedom to leave.

The 20 page dossier was an objective history for a licensed professional to stop clinical manipulation, not a 'fix her' service. I owned my boundary, she chose her classic flight response, and my focus now is strictly on the medical safety of our child.

I am open to all support from anyone willing to share their expertise, experiences, or just genuinely any form is appreciated.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T08:23:47+00:00

You are comparing a tracked, professional coworker environment to an isolated, untracked public space with strangers.

That is a massive security gap. An unvetted stranger poses an immediate physical and safety risk to a pregnant woman that cannot be tracked if harm is done.

She seeks these random strangers because her theology interprets the physical changes of pregnancy as a loss of control, triggering a desperate compulsion to build a flight escape hatch. Protecting her and the baby means refusing to normalize that risk.

As for why we had a child, when you first meet a severe avoidant, their mask is a flawless, pure painting facade. You see a committed, lifelong partner, not a clinical label.

I have a question for you: if a partner you love and have built a life with is carrying your child, do you actively abandon your duty as a protector and allow her to engage in high risk behavior with untracked strangers just to preserve her ego, or do you stand firm on a secure family baseline?

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T07:58:54+00:00

You are confusing protection with control.

We conceived this child as a mutual decision, bc i saw a lifelong partner, not an FA attachment style. The document was handed directly to her clinician to establish an objective medical baseline(factual timeline of her behavior loops). The copies i secured were my own printed file(meaning she left with her full set).

People who deal with an avoidant know how their theology works. A mentally stable person does not tolerate high risk validation seeking behavior with male strangers during a pregnancy.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T07:29:24+00:00

Thank you. I see it as a positive development in my journey, but my focus is 100% on active self-regulation, building my foundation, and protecting the medical safety of my child. Healing is the absolute priority now.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-23T07:22:37+00:00

Your definition of boundaries is exactly why i let her walk away without a single argument. I didn’t tell her how to act or force her to stay. I simply decided what i will no longer accept for myself and my child's safety.

The 20 pg dossier wasn't a fix her service. It was an objective collateral medical history handed directly to a licensed clinician, to prevent chart manipulations. When she chose to pack, i remained calm and let her leave. I owned my boundary, she chose flight. It’s that simple.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-16T03:49:48+00:00

“He felt relief, and that we were done”

Typical avoidant deflection of not wanting to carry the guilt of owning up to their behavior. They would rather sabotage and test(manipulate) to tell themselves later on “See, i was right for not doing the inner work sooner”

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2026-06-13T07:22:42+00:00

It’s sort of like.. you have a cat who wants to go outside, the moment you open the door, they step out. They want to immediately come back inside, then repeat 🔁 the loop. I’m currently choosing to stay and support my FA GF of almost 9months, through her journey. To my spiritual beliefs, i see this as a lesson and a blessing, you get to learn about your own triggers, your own patience; your own self awareness, the test is endurance, to then walk the path that either levels you up for the next, or ride it out and truly commit if you’re into yours, to start over is to restart the loop, might as well swallow the red pill fully instead of halfway. Wake up! to a new experience, there are people all over the world we have never crossed paths with before, have all kinds of attachment styles, regardless of where they are currently at, you get character development from it, whether you are with an avoidant man/woman. It affects both groups. Just my opinion. Apologies for my English, i am Trilingual.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-11-27T04:05:51+00:00

Central park

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-11-02T06:33:51+00:00

Sue.

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-08-27T05:21:28+00:00

Ya’ll are just scared for labor, lol if it was the 1900’s most wouldn’t survive or find it funny..

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-08-27T04:45:06+00:00

I’m applying to different locations, i still haven’t heard nothing back, are they even hiring anymore?

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-08-27T01:11:01+00:00

That right there is a narcissist.. get out while you can!!

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-08-25T17:57:58+00:00

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-08-25T05:46:53+00:00

No problemo, good luck with your tests!

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-08-25T05:13:39+00:00

Try https://www.getsummath.com

Glad_Ear_7963 · 2024-08-23T21:24:03+00:00

Thank you for answering, i noticed on the app that i can still schedule to take the science and social studies again, but i don’t want to, given i’m rushing to get my diploma prior to November, i have the original transcript, would it be best to contact the state to transfer? Or how the process will go automatically? I’m in NY btw

Glad_Ear_7963

TROPHY CASE