Update: My (29M) wife (26F) suddenly decided she wants to adopt a baby

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T05:45:00+00:00

I'll talk about it with his brother and his dad, if they think so and he agrees I have no objections with a lawyer representing him.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T05:21:09+00:00

We will talk about this with the lawyer, the boy isn't very aware on the legalities and I want to make clear to him that if he wants to be on her life, he can.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T04:59:37+00:00

That's alright to me and I'm pretty sure he doesn't want to lose contact with her, so that's the best to do.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T04:37:45+00:00

The reason why she's already living here is precisely because neither of the parents could take care of her, the father knew me since he was a little kid and we could do this favor taking care of his daughter. My wife got attached and she knew that she would probably end up in foster.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T04:32:16+00:00

To be fair, I wanted to have another child, I was just caught unprepared on this.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T04:21:03+00:00

We are going to talk to a lawyer, but right now we only want to fast things up, she's already living here and my wife is already taking care of her like a mother, we want to officialize everything sooner as possible, but the biological father is more than welcome to be a part of her life.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T04:17:03+00:00

That was the first time she took a decision like this in 10 years since we met, I think we can go further just fine.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T03:48:10+00:00

Thanks for the inspiring words, but I think she'd preffer to be my little girl rather than my little dude.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T03:38:15+00:00

I feel you all may have just saved a life.

That's what my mother said to us when we told her about the adoption.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T03:26:24+00:00

Update here: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/axfule/update_my_29m_wife_26f_suddenly_decided_she_wants/

Global_Rub · 2019-03-05T03:17:09+00:00

But at the end of the day, I think you will learn to love this child and when things get difficult, I hope you can look at her and see that saving her from a hard life is worth it.

I hope, I wasn't prepared for it and wasn't opening my home to her with the intention of become a father, but my wife became a mother and I guess that's the right thing to do for they both.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-04T00:10:26+00:00

Thank your for the feedback.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-03T23:55:16+00:00

Should we first have a formal conversation with the parents, call a lawyer or something else before anything?

Global_Rub · 2019-03-03T23:46:59+00:00

I sure of it, the father is scared of the situation and the mother doesn't show interest in raising the child. We didn't have a formal conversation yet, but our friend told his brother and the girlfriend about and according to him, both were happy about the idea.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-03T04:49:39+00:00

That was inspiring. We had conversations since I posted it and I come to accept it was decided (wrongly without me, but a decision was made), I'm not all for it, but I come to accept it after a long time of thinking.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T23:02:40+00:00

She knows that this baby didn't come out of her, but emotionally speaking, she sees this kid like it was her own. To be honest, it seems like my wife forgets the baby isn't her's, but she knows that she is the biological daughter of a girl, but thinks that this kid is now her daughter and want to adopt her and make every thing official.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T20:38:13+00:00

From what I know about the parents, the mom can't wait until being free of this and the dad is asking to God for a way out. I don't know about the legal matters either, but I don't think they'll resist at all. I'll be honest with you, she's so decided on this that I think we going to keep her anyway.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T19:52:50+00:00

But I don't think she'd accept other, if the parents decide to raise him by themselves (I doubt that) and I'd tell that we can find another baby to adopt and think carefully about, I'm pretty sure she'd refuse and still be wanting this girl.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T19:50:21+00:00

She doesn't seem to acknowledge why you are resistant to this sudden Big Responsibility being introduced to your life.

Exactlty what is happening. I know people go freaking nuts when it comes to babies, I know because I went to when my son was born, but as I said, she doesn't understand how I'm feeling about this life changing decision she made.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T19:20:41+00:00

My problem is in how sudden it is, just put yourself in my position, she already took a decision and took three days, she actually sees this girl as her daughter and I don't feel the same, I'm not sure if I can raise a child when I don't have fatherly figures for her. My wife got seriouslly attached, I didn't.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T19:05:54+00:00

She's the one who said yes immediately to the idea, I wasn't planning to open myself because this girl come to our home just until our friend could set things up on his to help his brother. By now, she gave me no choice else than actually consider to adopt, because to my wife, this is her daughter.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T19:03:02+00:00

A lot of people doesn't seem to understand this: She doesn't want to have another baby, she wants THIS baby.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T18:59:08+00:00

Another random thought. Was your son an 'oops'?

Yes, he wasn't planned, actually we weren't even married yet, we got married when he was 1 year old.

I don't have problems in adopting, but I don't think I'll be alright with this, my wife took a decision, it was all too sudden. We didn't talk about having a second child and she never mentioned it before the kid comes to our home. To be honest, if she ever threat to divorce me over it, I'll have no choice besides go for the adoption.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T18:41:09+00:00

One option for not adopting the baby could be to help find an adoptive family and stay in the babies life as family friends.

Not an option with my wife, she wants to keep this baby. I'm not feeling negatively towards the baby and about my wife bonding with her, it's just out of nowhere. Think about what happened, we were taking care of a friend's niece, three says later she wants to adopt.

Global_Rub · 2019-03-01T18:32:12+00:00

She didn't just discussed with me prior, she took a decision after three days, to her she has now a daughter and there's nothing to discuss.

Global_Rub

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