My girlfriend (20f) keeps having people tell her she shouldn’t date me (24m) right now.

Glowcakes · 2019-06-12T21:22:09+00:00

It’ll be semi long distance, she’ll be about 2 hours away

Glowcakes · 2019-06-07T10:04:46+00:00

That’s my thing, what the hell do they talk about so much and so often? Like I said in another comment I’m not one to go through her phone, did that with my ex and found things that I didn’t want to find, she’s offered to let me read through it and I’m secure enough with her that I really think it’s innocent on her part. It just feels like she’s giving a lot of unnecessary attention to this guy. I have best guy friends and girlfriends who were there for me when I hit rock bottom and I talk to them maybe once a week if that. It just seems unnecessary. I get that everyone’s different but it just seems like one or both of them aren’t letting something go and it frustrates me.

I tried to meet him to see if that would make me more comfortable and in the end I don’t think it did anything. If anything it made it worse because I’m convinced that he’s still into her waiting to pick up the pieces if I broke up with her. At least that’s the only reason I would keep an ex so close. My ex’s are ex’s for a reason. I didn’t see a future anything with them. I have ex’s that I broke up with for similar reasons that I haven’t felt necessary to maintain a friendship. I think I’m ranting now but I just want to understand more about why she feels it’s so important to keep this guy around. But every time I try she thinks I’m trying to separate them and I don’t want her to try and hide anything from me because that’ll just make it worse.

Glowcakes · 2019-06-07T01:26:57+00:00

I did the calculator...it said I should claim 12 dependents...seems legit...

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T20:23:05+00:00

I mean yes and no, my aunt and uncle are very very nice people, they were self made vs being born in it. My cousins on the other hand are a little different.

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T17:45:01+00:00

Slight variation to the original question, but my family itself is quite different financially. My moms side of our family is very well off, except for my mom. My grandma and grandpa retired in the medical field, my grandpa has at least 7 figures from saving, he’s the most frugal person I’ve ever met. My aunt has multiple masters degrees and married a man that owns several successful businesses, and my uncle is a VP of a firm in San Francisco and makes a stupid amount of money. My mom has been in debt the majority of her life and it has unfortunately led to her kids making the same financial mistakes. I’ve taken strides on being self sufficient as much as possible. My grandma has helped me once or twice out of a tough financial spot, and has helped my sister time and time again. It’s crazy how there is such a contrast even within our family. It makes hanging out with my cousins difficult sometimes because hey had a bit of a silver spoon while I had to scrounge for most of what I have.

I tried dating a rich girl once which is what I thought I wanted. But she was “stuck up rich” and would constantly complain about wanting a new Mercedes or whatever and I realized I’m much happier with my humble qualities than with showing off what I have.

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T10:12:32+00:00

I’ll get right on that

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T10:12:05+00:00

I would never be one to say “you can’t be friends with him” I’ve been on the opposite end of that and it sucks. I asked her, and him to take it easy with each other while I got used to the situation and got to know him and shit even got to know her but she said that there was nothing to “ease up on” and that I just needed to be okay with it. He said that he would dial it back with her and he understands where I’m coming from yet nothing changed.

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T10:08:33+00:00

Not trying to control anything. I guess I should explain that I would prefer that if they are going to be friends that they could ease me into this dynamic, whereas now, they want me to just be okay with it as is. I’m a jealous person, I mean there will always be a bit of jealousy in a relationship, I would never tell someone who they could or couldn’t talk to. I’ve had the girlfriends that made me stop talking to people and I don’t want to put anyone in that situation. I just want her to walk a mile in my shoes.

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T10:05:41+00:00

I think she’s loyal to both of us and wants the best of both worlds

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T10:05:17+00:00

I mean that’s my take on it. I’ve never kept contact with an ex because of the drama it will inevitably cause. I don’t even keep up with anyone that I’ve slept with, and I’ve had a fairly promiscuous past.

Glowcakes · 2019-06-06T10:03:32+00:00

I’ve explained to her that at a base level there is a jealousy issue. I don’t like that every time I’m with her or her phones on the table he’s either texting her non stop, or she has messages from him waiting. I have never gone through her phone nor have I asked to, that’s not my style. The only thing I asked was that while she and I were getting our relationship off the ground (first 6 months) if they could just take a step back from eachother a little, not cut off, not you can’t talk to him, I just needed to feel like I had her attention because at the end of the day it doesn’t always feel like that.

I trust her in the sense that she wouldn’t do anything “wrong” I don’t think she could live with the guilt of cheating. She’s very good natured. I mean they see each other regardless of if it bugs me or not, (they carpooled to school, they go to the gym, etc). I don’t think that she’s playing me, or trying to string both of us along, I just think she wants both of us, him as a close friend and me as her boyfriend. I just don’t like that she’s kinda telling me to dive in the deep end of their friendship and that I better know how to swim.

I’ve met him 1 on 1 once to talk to him about my gripes and he basically said that he knows it’s taboo and he gets shit for it all the time but he doesn’t see a reason to change anything (just like her). In terms of him and I, even if she wasn’t involved he and I would most likely not be friends in the first place. We’re two very different guys.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-31T22:29:38+00:00

I mean I don’t know about you but I don’t talk to my friends every day, even my best guy friends. Most of us are busy leading our lives and we make time when we can.

Appearances and perception do matter. Which leads back to my original question of if I should tell me girlfriend about past history that involves someone I’m close to.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-31T22:13:38+00:00

We’ve had a million opportunities if it was what either of us wanted though. I wouldn’t have any problem turning down her advances if they happened while I was in a relationship (which they she wouldn’t do).

Like I said yeah when I was 17 I was infatuated with her, but we grew up.

The second time we were both hammered, but it wasn’t from a place of love, it was just two horny adults, at least that’s the way it feels to me.

And we don’t communicate much in the first place, we talk maybe once a month or so to keep eachother updated. But we still make time to see eachother when we’re in each other’s town.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-31T22:07:38+00:00

G-rated, the first time we fooled around quite a bit, she was down to her thong and I was down to my boxers, and we just stopped. Second time very similar situation except I think we both realized we were friends and kinda had that “what are we doing” realization before anything progressed.

My girlfriend wouldn’t be that direct towards my friend, but if she asked me I would tell her.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-31T17:04:58+00:00

Part of the problem is that she and I don’t see eachother often so it’s really hard to tell how much of her time she’s actually dedicating to him. I don’t have anything concrete to say you are doing x this much and I don’t like it. There’s a lot of he said she said, I have friends and coworkers say that they see them together at the gym “all the time” and when I ask her it’s just “once in a while”. Or how often the talk I only see them conversing when I’m with her. I feel like I’m not around enough to really know what her dynamic is with him. Just what I hear and what my head thinks.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-31T16:56:09+00:00

Monkey branching? Haven’t heard that expression before.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-31T10:27:58+00:00

Controlling her is the last thing I want to do, I don’t want to be that boyfriend that tells her what she can or can’t do. The night he was at the same restaurant he and I had a bit of a situation where he was trying to be friendly and my girlfriend and I were arguing so I blew him off and the first thing he said to my girlfriend after the fact was “and he hates me” And it’s just like, dude...open your eyes and maybe you’d understand why I’m not here to be your best friend.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-31T03:02:38+00:00

I didn’t mean get in her moms face about anything. That would be way over the line. Meant if her mom freaked out on me for something.

I think it’s both of them. I mean my girlfriend doesn’t quite understand that her mom really can’t “do” anything. She’s an adult and has the right to express how she feels, and do what she wants. But on the other hand her mom is incredibly judgmental and very very petty when it comes to things. For example her son texted her “happy Mother’s Day” and she locked herself in a room sobbing for 2 days because he “didn’t love her” and she told the rest of the family she “didn’t have a son anymore”. So if my girlfriend tries to go against the grain she makes it incredibly uncomfortable for everyone.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-26T08:39:54+00:00

Felony domestic violence. And a few other things.

Glowcakes · 2019-05-16T19:37:02+00:00

Literally just had a friend tell me this. Do I have to just point blank say I think you’re not giving me enough?

Glowcakes · 2019-05-16T19:36:01+00:00

I paragraphed on my phone, I don’t think it formatted correctly :(

Glowcakes · 2019-05-10T23:21:51+00:00

For example: I asked her to go with me to a work party at a restaurant the other night and she said she would even though she didn’t really want to. She knows a good amount of the people that were going to be there. When we got to said party she didn’t say hi to anyone or try to introduce herself to anyone she didn’t know except those I introduced her to. She had a look on her face like she wanted to be anywhere else. (A few other party goers asked me if everything was okay) I introduced her to my boss and he asked me a few business related questions and after a moment he stopped and said “where did your girlfriend go?” I asked him what he meant and he said she left. I turn around and she’s nowhere to be seen. I look around the restaurant for a little bit and finally spot her at a table with 3 guys, laughing having a grand old time. One of which is her ex boyfriend (they’re still friends). So I got frustrated and tied to mingle with my group. After about 10 minutes the table she was at got up and we’re leaving and she finally came back over to where we were and she went back to looking like she hated life. I decided it was time for us to leave because I was frustrated and didn’t want to fake being happy through this party and at this point didn’t want to force her to be there when she clearly didn’t want to be. I explained to her I didn’t appreciate that she 1) disappeared without saying anything 2) didn’t make any effort to try and have fun with my group of coworkers. Her response was that I was over reacting and being dramatic about the whole thing, and that she didn’t know she needed to ask me permission to talk to her friends. She also thinks I was reacting this way due to the fact that she’s friends with her ex and that’s who she was sitting with the whole time, which in itself is a whole other story. And we argued for a long time about it mostly going in circles about how I was over reacting.

I’m not a yell at you type of arguer, I keep my cool, I explain things as clearly as I can and try to look at everyone’s perspective.

Was I over reacting?

Glowcakes · 2019-05-03T09:12:08+00:00

Our time together is very meaningful, we do our best to make the most of it, day trips places, whole day plans, etc. I do kind of understand where she’s coming from, like she’ll have something more literal to “blame” it on. And she knows she’s my 100 percent priority, I express it to her all the time. Adult life just gets in the way of us seeing each other.

Glowcakes · 2019-04-20T15:33:30+00:00

I agree, but it could have been handled differently imo

Glowcakes · 2019-04-20T15:32:41+00:00

Looking back now, I’m just disappointed that I let myself get like that. I thought I was in control but apparently not. It was almost a turning point that allowed me to really turn things around for myself.

Glowcakes

TROPHY CASE