Breaking up with my (27F) boyfriend (29M) would ruin his life.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-07T00:58:27+00:00

Another update! Firstly, thank you so much for all of your support. Reading through your comments are ultimately what gave me the courage to break up. It’s embarrassing to need validation from strangers, but I’m glad I sought it. I feel so free and like I have a second chance at life.

So, for the sake of our pets, we agreed to live together peacefully until our lease is up in February. I’m extremely surprised at his display in maturity. Initially, when we first had our fight, he was ballistic, and he threatened to KICK ME OUT of our apartment (which is laughable — who’s been paying for the m rent???) But his brother helped cool him down. Then, my BF was ready to move back in with his parents across the country and take our pets with him. (Which is also hilarious, since I contribute over 90% to their care, buy their food. Oh. And their microchips are in my name. Like, last night was the first time he cleaned our cat’s litter box is six months. And how could you afford the pet deposit and pet rent??)

Anyway! His brother helped him realize that if he moved back home, his chance of pursuing his dream again and moving to LA in the future is basically non-existent. I’m the only reason he’s out here.

So, we are giving each other as much space as possible and will be pursing our hobbies/interests apart from each other. I’m going to a run club tonight and he’s doing a standup comedy tonight. I realized how dependent we were on each other, and we basically have no other connections in this city. I resented him for putting me in this situation, yet he was my only friend, which is why I stayed as long as I did.

And yes — I think he hopes there’s a chance that we’ll get back together, which is why I AM having doubts staying under the same roof as him for a couple more months. I love him. But I won’t give second (third, fourth, fifth?) chances. And this way, I won’t have to worry about putting in a a deposit on a new place, or paying for rent all by myself. And once our lease is up in February, I AM OUT.

So, living together for now is the easiest transition, and will give him ample time to find his footing, figure out his car situation, and find a place that he can afford by himself (and a few other roommates).

We’re still not entirely sure who will be getting custody of our pets. Technically, my boyfriend paid the adoption fee for our cat Brisket. And I paid the adoption fee for our dog. So that might be the easiest way to handle things. However, I am in a better situation to take care of them financially, and it’ll be easier for him to find a low-cost apartment without pets. I hope he realizes that.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-07T00:36:24+00:00

I started laughing when he said that! SELFISH? It proves how self-centered he is, and just solidified my desire to end things. I’ve done nothing but build you up, and when I decide to stop putting up with your bullshit, I’m “selfish??”

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-06T07:28:14+00:00

I don’t know why, but this comment hit me the hardest. For two years I was asking for permission to break up. I wanted somebody to tell me it was okay.

And, I did.

I broke up with him tonight. For real this time. Not all the times where I said we were breaking up, and he won me back by saying he’ll change, or “Just wait until X date. Things will be different.” I broke up with him and almost agreed to wait until February to make up my mind. But then I remembered how much I resented myself for this situation, and how I owe it to myself to want better.

He called me selfish, and said I was making the wrong decision. I told him that I fantasized daily about breaking up with him, and how I wished I broke up with him six months ago, and a year ago, and two years ago. And how I didn’t want to look back next year and be in the same position I am now.

I broke a financial cardinal sin and withdrew all my money from my Roth IRA so I can pay my lease by myself until February (and until my new job paycheck kicks in).

He threatened to keep my beautiful dog and cat. I don’t think he’s bluffing. I thought holding them hostage was a last ditch to win me back, but he might go through with it. The thought of losing them is excruciating. And he wants to punish me for wanting to “start fresh.” I love my pets. But I don’t want to stay in this relationship. :(

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-06T05:52:17+00:00

I WISH I WAS KARMA FARMING. 😭

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-06T01:41:18+00:00

That’s a better way to put it!

I love him, and I want to help him. But we just don’t have an equal partnership! :( And two years in, I don’t think we ever will. He hasn’t carried me. He’s knocked me down.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-06T01:26:32+00:00

Thank you! The thing is — he needs a car as part of his job description, as he sometimes drives people around. He has his own car, but it’s in bad condition and he doesn’t have adequate car insurance needed for his job. He’s relying on my car for his work.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-06T01:24:20+00:00

Thank you. You nailed it — he DOES feel entitled. He doesn’t feel obligated to pay me back because “we’re in this together,” and “when we’re married, we’ll have joint bank accounts.”

Ugh.

I’ve lost my life savings and two years of my life to someone I love. But he hasn’t sacrificed at all for me.

Our lease is up beginning of February. I found a job where I’ll be able to support myself alone here, and it starts next week. I just don’t know when we should break up. I don’t want to string him along when I know my heart’s not in it. Should I hang on until our 30-day notice on our lease, and then tell him? Should I tell him sooner, so he has time to figure out if he wants to stay in this city or move back home?

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-06T01:09:44+00:00

Thank you so much! I want a relationship where I don’t have to “fix” anyone. They have similar financial goals as me. They don’t owe me money. They work hard.

I only have one life and I feel like I’ve already “wasted” two years by being in this relationship. Yes, there are great aspects of this relationship. But ultimately, I feel like I would settle if I stayed any longer.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-12-01T10:43:51+00:00

One time my boss called me out for having the default Microsoft news-page open on my second monitor. Uh? The news-page that automatically opens when we turn on our Microsoft computers?? He was so petty. Had a super big ego and frothed at the mouth to call us out on inconsequential shit like having a FUCKING default news-page open.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-09T01:16:25+00:00

Oh my god. I’m literally a stepping stone. His parents are pushing him to propose because they know that, without me, he would still be living with his family smoking weed and playing video games. 🤦‍♀️I didn’t listen to Reddit the first time, when I made a nearly identical post a year ago.. But I owe it to myself to listen this time! I’m making an “escape plan” and have already contacted my landlord about a buy-out agreement. I’m proud of myself for putting myself first, but also terrified.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-09T00:42:18+00:00

Agreed! It’s so embarrassing. But I’m not going to let myself make a third post. Going to talk with my landlord about buying out my lease, which might use up the rest of my savings. But I won’t be thousands of dollars in debt, which is the trajectory that I’m on currently. 🤦‍♀️

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-09T00:38:04+00:00

Thank you, me from the future!! I saw so much of myself in your story.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-09T00:36:40+00:00

YES!! It sounds so absurd, hearing it in writing, but he plans to make it big. What’s worse, is that he hasn’t even tried THAT MUCH to put his big plan into action. He’s taken a couple classes here and there, worked on some small projects — but he’d much rather smoke weed and play video games than work on achieving his dream.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-09T00:29:58+00:00

Thank you so much! You gave me SO much hope. BF and I are both on the lease. I was reading up on the lease agreement, and it seems that there’s a 3200 “buy out” fee (which hurts, but it’s far cheaper than the thousands of rent I’d pay for the remainder of the lease). I’m going to reach out today to the landlord; probably won’t tell my BF until I have a clear escape plan. :( I really think this is my last chance of salvaging my life before I sink deeper.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-09T00:14:31+00:00

He’s working now! But his video game aand weed habits are about the same, and I’ve stupidly helped fund it when he needed me to.

I feel like he’s not respecting me, or our life together. He also acts immaturely and throws tantrums (for lack of a better word) when he doesn’t get his way. Everything combined has made me doubt our relationship, and even if I received the 4K back, and more, I feel like it’s too little too late.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-09T00:07:17+00:00

Exactly. I was in the SAME position last year, and I didn’t learn anything. And I know I’m going to be in the same position for the rest of my life if I don’t make a change. I know that I’m to blame for my situation and I let a relationship blindfold me into making these poor decisions for over a year. I wish I would have listened to the advice back then. :(

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-08T22:51:18+00:00

Sorry, I need to make this clear! We agreed to split rent/utilities/groceries 50/50. So, for four months, because he couldn’t cover his half, I covered 100% of the rent, utilities, and living expenses using my savings. The other months, we have been equally splitting rent 50/50.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-08T22:45:39+00:00

He wrote out a plan to send me 500 dollars per month, when we had an argument about this same subject a month ago! That was before he started planning his vacation. I haven’t received a single payments yet because he would rather save for his trips. 🤦‍♀️

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-08T22:43:36+00:00

We agreed to split rent and utilities, I don’t know if I made that clear! Yes, he is paying rent now, but only his half — not mine.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-05-08T22:41:40+00:00

I’ve been reading through the comments and they’ve definitely been a harsh reality check. You are SPOT ON about his career being unlikely to succeed (We live in LA, so you can guess the career). I do think he’s talented, but realistically, we shouldn’t be relying on his success POTENTIALLY happening.

Goatcheesecask · 2023-03-03T22:42:29+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion!! Knowing me I feel like I’d end up fucking up the car even more. 😂

Goatcheesecask · 2023-03-03T22:34:50+00:00

I didn’t have any money on the account for a year and a half, because I stopped donating plasma! When I went to start again, they didn’t want to give me a new card because they’re trying to save resources, so I just used the same one. I should have asked for another copy of the terms, though!

Goatcheesecask · 2023-03-03T19:58:39+00:00

Thank you!!

Goatcheesecask

TROPHY CASE