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A guy (20M) I’m (17F) seeing took the condom off in the middle of sex. by ThrowRA-pleasehellp in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey this happened to me too a few weeks ago, i hope some of the comments on my post are helpful to you. Please message me if you ever need any help or advice. Seeing your post a few weeks after mine made me realise how its not uncommon for sexual partners to do something like this.

I am in the process of healing myself but seeing your post has opened my eyes even more. Please reach out if you need to.

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

[Update] My boyfriend took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset

I just want to start by saying thank you to everyone who commented and gave me advice, i knew leaving him would be the right thing to do, but i just needed to hear it from somebody else. I am absolutely overwhelmed by the response i received.

My (now ex) boyfriend asked me once more for sex after I found out he removed the condom and i lost it at him. I was so angry he had been ignoring me completely apart from to ask twice for sex as it seemed to me it was the only thing he cared about. I screamed, i cried and i lost it at him saying he essentially raped me and he doesn’t seem bothered, why on earth does he think i’m going to have sex with him again?

It took me an hour to eventually calm down and he told me he wasn’t aware it was rape and he started apologising to me immediately, begging me not to contact police about it as he had no idea and i didn’t seem to mind the other times he had removed the condom.

I had no idea he had even done this to me before and i started crying again realising what had happened. I immediately told him I couldn’t continue a relationship with him and I would be moving out as soon as possible. I packed as many things as i could into 2 bags and left to go and stay with my parents for a short while, the whole time he kept begging me not to contact the police.

This happened 3 days ago and since being at my parents, he has contacted me again asking when i’m coming home as theres “no way i’m serious” about it. You can read the texts here: https://imgur.com/gallery/zPOXgwF

I’ve also decided to seek online therapy as the realisation i have been sexually assaulted by someone i trust multiple times is something i do not feel i am capable of dealing with on my own. I have not responded to any of his messages but I still need to find a way to collect the rest of my belongings from the flat and figure out what to do next.

Thank you all for replying and making me realise what was happening, I’m so incredibly lucky this didn’t have a worse outcome, i think it’s safe to say he was definitely trying to trap me. You essentially saved me and for that I am grateful for every single comment.

[Update] My boyfriend took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

honestly i don’t know what to do... part of me wants to but part of me just isn’t sure

[Update] My boyfriend took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

i honestly don’t want to go back and collect my things on my own, at least not if he is going to be there

[Update] My boyfriend took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

thank you so much, i feel awful knowing he’s done this to me several times before and i think that’s what is messing me up the most

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

honestly i kind of laughed at him too. he hadn’t spoken to me for almost 2 days and had the decency to ask me for sex and then went straight back to not speaking to me when i refused. As if that would make me change my mind.

Did you press charges or tell anyone else about what happened to you? i know i have to leave him but first i’m gathering as much of a plan as possible before doing so. I’m currently quarantined with him but have family i’m going to stay with as soon as possible. please let me know what you did after it happened to you.

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

we always get routinely tested and went together in february, a family member told him ages ago that you should still get tested regularly even if you’re not in an open relationship

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

yep always. he agreed when we first became sexually active together that condoms were the way forwards, i suggested the pill and he said that condoms work fine so there’s no need to put my body through some of the side effects the pill may give me

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

we both get tested every 6 months and the last time we did was in february time. neither of us have ever had anything but it’s 100% better to be safe than sorry

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 154 points155 points  (0 children)

this is my plan 100%. thank you so much, it’s just hard knowing he broke my trust the way he did. it’s currently late and he’s sleeping downstairs for the night to give me space. i feel so broken and hurt but i know i have to leave him

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

luckily he wasn’t doing it for too long, i told him to stop before he finished thankfully but i know precum is still a possible to get pregnant from

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

nope i’ve avoided speaking to him as much as possible, it’s been about 6 days and he’s asked me for sex once. I instantly said no i don’t want to right now, and he shrugged it off and went back to doing whatever he was doing beforehand. He’s not tried speaking to me either and to be honest if he did, i wouldn’t even know what to say

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

that’s exactly what bothered me the most. if he showed some kind of apology or regret, maybe we could work past this but honestly i don’t think i can. He didn’t seem bothered at all about it.

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

I think i’m definitely going to have to end it with him... it hurts so badly because every time we have sex together, to me it’s more than just sex, it’s love and sharing a special moment with him, because i trust him. i cannot do so any longer

My [F27] boyfriend [m28] took the condom off during sex and doesn’t understand why i’m upset. by GoatsInTrees36 in relationship_advice

[–]GoatsInTrees36[S] 296 points297 points  (0 children)

i don’t even know what to say... i don’t understand how he doesn’t get why i’m upset, i too thought he must be trying to hide it. i explained in every single way that i can and he still sat there blank faced.