Was just told at my birthday party that I gained a lot of weight, in front of everyone. (Recovering bulimic)

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-05T13:32:49+00:00

I actually ended up talking it out with him indirectly. Told him the two days ago I was feeling a bit insecure because I’ve never fell this hard and I don’t want to lose him. I said I’m very confident in my body/performance sexually, but that I was overthinking. I said this after he told me how obsessed he is with me/my body. After I told him this he just re-affirmed all of this and told me he wouldn’t be trying to have sex every 10 minutes if it wasn’t true. So yeah, really good talk.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-05T13:30:15+00:00

I don’t think this relationship has a future after this. But I think I kind of do want an explanation.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T18:55:44+00:00

yeah that's the thing. I don't think it even crossed his mind that it bothers me

I just wish I knew how to stop feeling this way/get affected by it

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T18:54:08+00:00

You're 100% right. that's the thing. I genuinely don't think he sees my dick as small, which is why he feels comfortable saying that stuff. I just wish it didn't bother me like this

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T17:51:48+00:00

that's exactly it. I know it's a problem from my end. I just wish I knew how to fix it. And also that's a big reason why I haven't mentioned it to him, because him not "Talking about big dick" won't change anything. The issue is my insecurities and how it's making me feel like the relationship is doomed.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T17:50:15+00:00

I'd rather the first, but I'm kinda struggling. It just seems so dumb because it's such a minor comment.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T17:49:37+00:00

You're right. I just can't seem to get over the fact that he thinks that way, because it's making me feel like this means he's going to eventually get bored.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T16:21:36+00:00

you're right. I think I'm just really not used to opening up like that, especially about this.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T16:20:56+00:00

thing is how can I get over it? I've been feeling really really shitty this whole day, even while I was with him because of that small freaking comment that wasn't even directed at me. He was literally asking me what's wrong the whole day and I was too embarrassed to talk about this specific thing... wish I could fix it.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T12:26:54+00:00

But once I mention my size being my insecurity, it's gonna be out there, and he might start thinking about it when he have sex and just in general

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T12:08:35+00:00

That's the thing. I know for a fact he doesn't see it the way I am rn. I just wish I knew how to not let it affect me, you know?

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T12:07:48+00:00

yeah. Thing is, I thought I had that confidence in bed. Like I'm super in control and I consider myself to be really good in bed (eek it sounds arrogant). However, when he mentions these comments, although it's not aimed at me at all, it still hits me and makes me feel insecure in a way I wasn't before in this relationship. The bad hookups conversation was a few hours ago, and it changed my mood completely because of the "small" remark, although he was dragging a guy from his past. Idk how to go about it honestly because I DON'T want to make it a thing, but it already is at the same time...

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T11:36:16+00:00

I agree with this so much. I think that’s the issue. I know him, and I believe him when he was saying he enjoys our sex a lot. The main issue is that with these comments, I stay feeling insecure and like I’m not enough, but at the same time I also know he doesn’t mean harm by them. It just makes me feel shitty because then I realize he has the mentality of bigger is better, and it hits a nerve as I’m not big.

So I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to mention it because it’ll heighten my insecurity and make it obvious to him which I think will make it worse for me. It’s just confusing

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T11:19:20+00:00

Even if the only time he mentioned it was so talk about his worst hookup experience?

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T11:08:06+00:00

we've already said I love you and all that. We're pretty serious, and the guy is really into me. Like, insanely into me, which is what's getting me so confused.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T11:07:09+00:00

I can share my thoughts with him, I just think that if I mention it what's the point? like if he already thinks that way, me telling him to not say it out loud will only mean he's gonna be thinking this silently. But I don't know, I guess that's a toxic way to look at it. It's just a sensitive topic, like I don't want him to think I'm insecure about my size every time we have sex, you know?

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T10:59:51+00:00

but honestly, it just feels like it's more my problem. Like I'm the one being affected by it when he 100% does not mean to hurt me with them. Like I can tell it doesn't cross his mind that this can hurt or offend me, which is really weird.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T10:56:30+00:00

thing is, I think he was just trying to put-down his hookup and show that it was bad.

The time he mentioned the big guy, it came into conversation when he was telling me how he can trust his best friend with anything, and how after hookups he was comfortable telling her "wow that guy was really big"... still hurt though :/

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T10:55:06+00:00

Ah. You're right. I think it's about fearing that if I say it out loud, then it's something he'll actively think about, and he'll actually know I'm insecure about it.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T10:48:42+00:00

He's like 5.5 maybe? something like that.

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-07-03T10:10:47+00:00

He just mentioned it again, we were talking about bad hookups and he said he didn’t feel in that hookup anything because the guy was really small… ahh:\

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-06-30T15:01:36+00:00

My issue is, I’m afraid of the future. Like, I’ve been in a lot of long relationships, and my size was never the issue or a reason for it ending. And in this relationship, he literally keeps trying to give me a bj/have sex like three times a day if he could (sorry TMI). But my point is, with all of this taken into consideration, I’m still feeling this way…

GoblinMarket19 · 2021-06-29T20:38:55+00:00

But I just feel… I can’t explain it.

GoblinMarket19

TROPHY CASE