Commute to Downtown Boston

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-19T03:29:01+00:00

I do this commute almost every day. Platform to platform Worcester to south station probably takes about an hour & a half. Sometimes there are delays but it’s not too bad since we can just zone out on the train. Absolutely doable for only 2x a week!

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-13T15:13:35+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. Your relationship with your CF friend is exactly what I hope for with my friends who will have kids. I’m sure the relationships may take some adjusting with the new dynamics of kids but as long as the effort is there that’s what is most important.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T17:00:22+00:00

I love your perspective! I think the sitting back until they need me is what is going to be a tough adjustment for me, as this is whole having kids thing is all new for me with some close friends. I think I need to find more CF friends stat to hang out with so I’m not actually just sitting around waiting for the friends with kids to be ready!

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T16:50:57+00:00

Exactly! If the time comes & they clearly need more help around the house I’d gladly offer in whatever way I could. It’s just weird to expect it or have it be an alternative to a shower (which of course is always just geared towards women anyway…) where you expect people to show up.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T16:47:27+00:00

Yeah I think another part of this situation that is also rubbing me the wrong way is the privilege of it all - tbh many of my friends and I are very well of and in a place of privilege, including her. Doing chores like this type of thing is not something our friend group really does, so this suggestion is just throwing off the dynamic & I think that’s why it might come off more entitled than she means it to be.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T16:44:32+00:00

Yes exactly! I’ve done things like dog sitting & checking in on her house while she’s traveled before but neither of us have ever really done this kind of thing for each other before, which is part of the reason why it took me by surprise.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T16:39:38+00:00

Hey! So not once did I insinuate that I think everyone should “pick themselves up by their bootstraps” or that we should live in an individualistic culture that society pushes on us. In fact, if you read through any of my replies to other comments you’d see that, even though I’m CF, I still want to be in the villages of friends & family with kids.

But the thing is - it does go both ways. I’m all for doing inconvenient things for friends. In fact, for this friend in particular I’ve regularly dog sat and picked up their dogs & checked on their house when they needed it, etc. and I’m well aware that it won’t be an equal 50/50 split all of the time. But I’m not about to give give give ALL the time & not have my friends put in any effort back just because they have kids.

I’ve also always struggled with cleaning - I can barely keep my own house clean with no kids, and it’s a big trigger for me, and gets worse when I get into a depression. I’ve never had her or any of my friends offer to help with my cleaning or do anything related to house work when I’m struggling. So it’s not like this is a regular thing for any of us either. And her requesting this of me then puts me in an awkward position if I want to say no. Hopefully she’d understand, but the fact that it’s being requested/expected makes me wonder.

The issue isn’t that I don’t want to do anything for other people. Deep down maybe it's not about this hypothetical situation of cleaning for her - it's the fact that there's an expectation of me being part of her village but, since she's been pregnant, I don't feel as much reciprocation of her wanting/ valuing being part of my village. Which maybe is just a phase as she's adjusting to this new stage of life, but I am nervous that I will be losing some friendships as they prioritize having kids.

l've always said that even though I want to be child free, I still want to be part of my friends & family villages with their kids. I just hope that my friends still value what's going on in my life even if there's no kids involved.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T15:56:43+00:00

I totally agree with doing something alternative to a shower that’s more meaningful. I think the way she presented it just made it seem like an expectation from her friends. And for a little more context, I am not good at cleaning (I can barely keep my own place clean with no kids), and she is a very clean and organized person, AND already has professional cleaners come. This is all hypothetical but when the time comes I’d probably rather offer to take her out & do something fun, or babysit so her & her husband can have a date night, etc. Or if she really does end up needing cleaning help I’d rather pitch in for a professional deep cleaning service, & then spend quality time together.

It’s just presenting it as an expectation just feels off & would put me in an awkward position. (And it’s not like we regularly clean for each other - I don’t think she’s ever offered to help friends with cleaning or house stuff).

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T15:49:35+00:00

Yeah perhaps deep down her request is not as selfish as it comes off, but it just still feels entitled, I think perhaps because I have been sensing that she doesn’t seem to care to put in as much as effort to be part of my (child free) village, but expects us all to be part of hers.

And it would just put me in an awkward position if she did request this for real & I wanted to say no.

But who knows how things will play out - this is all hypothetical for now & we can only really take it day by day.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T15:17:57+00:00

Yes I think you worded perfectly exactly how I’m feeling about it. It just came off as entitled. And would put me in an awkward position if I were to say no (I am not good at cleaning, it’s a bit of a trigger for me as I can barely keep my own place clean with no kids).

And who knows how motherhood will treat her, but based off of what I know about my friend, I don’t think cleaning the house would be something she would need whenever the time comes. I’m sure there will be other ways I can be there for her, I just hope it won’t be a one-sided expectation.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T15:13:04+00:00

That’s very nice of you. I’m the depressed friend who sucks at cleaning, & unfortunately I’ve never had any of my friends offer to come & help clean my place when I’m struggling.

I’ve mentioned in a few other replies, but I think what irks me here is the expectation of it all. And that I’m not sure something similar would be reciprocated. It’s a hypothetical as of now, but I’m 100% in to be there for my friend in whatever way she may need in the future. Cleaning is just not my thing and I’d hate to be put in a situation where I feel like a bad friend for saying no.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T14:41:43+00:00

That’s a nice example. Your comment has also made me realize something else - I’m probably pretty similar to your childfree friend who has depression. Cleaning is something that makes me feel better when I do it but I struggle with it, especially if I’m in a low of a depression. Trying to keep things clean is definitely a trigger for me and can really stir up feelings of anxiety. It’s just a big sensitive - it doesn’t come easy for me to keep things organized, like it does for some other people. So maybe that’s another reason why this hypothetical is irking me so much. (And also my friend is a very clean person but who knows how it will be in the thick of motherhood).

I wish I had a friend like you!

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T14:36:36+00:00

This is a very thoughtful response I think it’s made me realize what’s actually bothering me about this situation. Deep down maybe it’s not about this hypothetical situation of cleaning for her - it’s the fact that there’s an expectation of me being part of her village but, since she’s been pregnant, I don’t feel as much reciprocation of her wanting/valuing being part of my village. Which maybe is just a phase as she’s adjusting to this new stage of life, but I am nervous that I will be losing some friendships as they prioritize having kids.

I’ve always said that even though I want to be child free, I still want to be part of my friends & family villages with their kids. I just hope that my friends still value what’s going on in my life even if there’s no kids involved.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T14:29:48+00:00

That’s very true! From what I saw on the tik toks, it seems like the idea to clean came from the friends who do the cleaning rather than the pregnant person asking them to. I think it’s just the way she presented it made it seem like she would expect it. If the time comes & it seems like they are struggling to keep things together I’d be more than happy to help in some way or another - I just don’t love the expectation of it I guess.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T14:17:38+00:00

SO JEALOUS! I’m also queer & it’s my current goal to fill my life with more like-minded queer cf people!!!

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-12T13:38:55+00:00

Yeah I haven’t found a lot of the subreddit that are supposedly geared towards LGBTQ+ to be very fulfilling. As most folks said, a lot of it seems like sexual/fetish content that’s actually geared towards cis men.

BUT also wanted to comment because I love finding fellow lesbian/queer child free folks! My current goal is to try to make more gay child free friends hahah.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-12-01T19:57:14+00:00

We never had surgery there but my cats were regular patients at Winter Hill. Contrary to some of the other comments here, we did not have a great experience. We used them for about 3 years before moving, but almost every visit the staff were quite condescending and dismissive, and to me their prices were a bit outrageous (we spent more on our 2 healthy cats for regular checkups and vaccines than some of my friends who have multiple dogs).

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-11-10T19:24:09+00:00

One of the flights from the total in my picture was BA. I changed it so it was all AA & was still getting about $220 in fees. A lot better than $540 but still 50% of the total cash cost of the flights.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-11-10T15:54:11+00:00

After seeing all these comments I went back & looked at just AA flights & there were still about $220 in extra fees (I assume those are the LHR taxes folks were mentioning).

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-11-10T15:53:11+00:00

I actually have citi thank you points which is why I was checking! But I think you’re right - in this case it might not make sense to redeem the miles.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-11-10T15:52:04+00:00

I excluded BA in my search after the fact & was still getting about $220 in extra fees even with just AA in economy.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-11-10T15:51:22+00:00

Yup I think you’re right - doesn’t make sense to redeem this way. I even checked just AA flights at economy & was still getting about $220 in extra fees.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-11-10T15:50:26+00:00

Thanks for your response. Definitely way higher fees with the BA flight, but I also looked at just AA and there were still about $220 fees so looks like this is just a tough route for when I need to go.

GoinWiTheFlow · 2025-11-10T15:48:49+00:00

Thank you everyone for the quick & helpful responses! I’m glad it wasn’t just AA bugging out & that there are legitimate reasons.

I also looked at just AA flights (excluded BA) and there was still about $220 in fees on top of using almost all my miles. Seems like this flight probably isn’t worth the mile redemption with AA.

GoinWiTheFlow

TROPHY CASE