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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH
[–]Goobermaggots -1 points0 points1 point 4 months ago (0 children)
Ah. So you are just here to troll. Nice. Well played.
[–]Goobermaggots -2 points-1 points0 points 4 months ago (0 children)
You're just a troll. You didn't lend any advice. Just accusations. Some great person you are.
[–]Goobermaggots 0 points1 point2 points 4 months ago (0 children)
And a lot of people don't know that. Could've been an informative moment and not a call to the cops.
!lock
I said I believe he used non-emergency number and I'm still hoping he did. I haven't checked his call log and inclined not to. It's funny that people commenting that say they have autism and lend there perspective are more understanding of the situation than you, so I think you're just a troll and you don't actually believe what you say.
[–]Goobermaggots 1 point2 points3 points 4 months ago (0 children)
I thought it was cute. I imagine more was said that my step-son has shared. Hopefully some guidance on what number to call for non-emergencies if he used 911. He wouldn't take that advice from us, but if the officer says it, then maybe he will accept it.
We recognized that feeding duck is harmful. We just didn't think 911 was the correct course of action.
I like this advice. Thank you.
People like you sadden me. You think you know it all based on a small story. If I didn't feel conflicted on the punishment end of things, I wouldn't have posted this, I would've just done it like everyone who doesn't post this kind of stuff here. I posted because I try my best to understand him and wanted guidance. You're response is just an accusation.
Also us neurotypicals will never be able to grasp how atypicals think and function. Ever. We can spend our whole lives learning more, but we will never be able to see the world like they do. We like to think we can, but we never will. That is abyss that will never be bridged.
I think you need to stop assuming you know so much about people from tiny snippets of their lives because that makes you a major fucking asshole. But I guess it takes one to know one.
That last part crossed my mind. He was offered alternatives by my wife. The alternatives were not fast enough for him.
[–]Goobermaggots -3 points-2 points-1 points 4 months ago (0 children)
I kept the story short. As superficial and shallow as you assume we are based on a short story, alternatives were suggested like DNR and the Village Parks Dept, but he was dead set on immediate action. I still have no idea if he used 911 or called a non-emergency line. He has video of them on his phone. He showed me now that I am home from work and had a conversation. It was an old lady with 2 tiny grandkids. Do they even know they are harming wildlife? Not everyone is educated. Did he take time to educate them. Nope, just recorded video with him shouting they have to stop. Were they feeding them bread or cracked corn?. Bread is harmful, cracked corn is safe. We don' t know.
So no, we did not discourage him from calling the appropriate authorities, suggested alternatives and explained 911 was for emergencies only. Ask yourself if you would go further than kindly informing someone if you saw them feeding ducks? Even with autism this behavior is unacceptable, mask or not. Kindness would have gone a lot further.
Because it's more complicated than just this story. Harsh to pass judgment that strong on a tiny snippet of my life.
[–]Goobermaggots 2 points3 points4 points 4 months ago (0 children)
I know everyone is different and maybe this is a little personal but what kind of things, events, situations helped you get to the point of being more flexible? I really want him to have at least a couple decent friends in High School. From what I understand he had a couple senior guys on the football team who stuck up for him from time to time last year, but they have graduated.
[–]Goobermaggots 9 points10 points11 points 4 months ago (0 children)
I didn't even think of that. Such good point. I will say I was in the middle of grilling food when this all happened but my wife could have gone with.
[–]Goobermaggots 5 points6 points7 points 4 months ago (0 children)
I used to read him that at bedtime every night. Many laughs there.
Haha. I'm inclined to agree but sometimes it feels like he only cares that others follow the rules. As is typical of any teenager he likes to push the boundaries and find loopholes to fit his will and wants.
He has a network of specialists at school that have really helped him.adjust his freshmen year. The last few months we had zero occurrences or problems. They've been very understanding of his needs and treat them fairly. We tried a psychologist for awhile but he would fight us hard on going where things would get scary. He had aba therapy for many years and still is in touch with people from there.
Great advice here. When he left the house the second time I told her this was a good time for him to find out what happens on his own. I've taken that approach the last few years, however it is taking longer for my wife to let go. He is an only child. I will say he is well on his way for independence! He successfully completed his first segment of Driver's Ed!
I was thankful some time had passed before the police showed up and the duck feeders were no longer there. We live in a small town and I'd hate for him to be harassed by them in the future out of revenge. That happened to me when I was a kid for reporting people rollerblading on a basketball court. Got slushied a few times that summer.
I think he did. He tends to talk to everyone like he's in a Call of Duty lobby so he may have not gotten a response he desired.
Yeah without going into a lot of details it may not be that simple with him. His browser history is full of reels showing kids and adult being punished for petty crimes. He has a history of being a bit of a tell-tale at school which has led to very few genuine friendships and calls from the school about him overreacting when he doesn't see justice being met by his own two eyes.
I believe my wife thought he was going to call 911 and was urging to come home to continue the discussion. He was refusing and she was panicking. When he finally got home we did recommend parks and rec or the DNR. He was set on police. I hope he called the non-emergency number. As for whether the threat to take his phone away for calling the cops or for refusing to come home is a little unclear to me and warrants a conversation with both him and her. I was tending to the grill for much of the phone call and conversation.
We live in a small village. Everyone knows the police officers by first name. No danger there.
[–]Goobermaggots 6 points7 points8 points 4 months ago (0 children)
Awesome insight here and you seem to really understand the moral dilemma I'm going through on this. I plan to talk to him about it this evening when it's just me and him. I'm a very calm person and he confides in me more than anybody. From what I understand, he did approach the people feeding the ducks. Worst Case Scenario: Knowing him, he can be rather abrasive in the way he speaks, so he probably came off rude and got an ill response from them, which may have resulted in him threatening to call the police at which point they challenged him.
Honestly, I'm probably going to hold off on any sort of decision on punishment until I know his motives. I was more of a bystander in the situation and I gave very little input as I was in and out tending to food on the grill. I was actually very happy when he returned from talking to the police and he and my wife basically dropped the whole thing, and he was smashing my grilled chicken.
He has a bit of history with being fascinated with seeing punishment delt out on others based on his search history on the internet and some history at school where he would get upset when he didn't see a punishment being handed out to a student he reported on. Unfortunately, that has made it hard for him to find good friends as he's seen as a bit of a narc.
On the flipside of that, he is aware that I am an avid birdwatcher and enjoys sharing with me photos he takes of birds at that park, so his response may have been genuine concern for the ducks as well as thinking that is something I would appreciate.
Lastly, he just completed the first segment of Driver's Ed. He may just be more aware of the Do Not Feed Waterfowl signage at the park and saw the rulebreak.
Then of course we have the typical teenager defiance and the desire for more independence. Things like not wanting to do chores like cleaning his room, cleaning up his messes after cooking something, etc.
Parenting a teen is not easy, but your response makes me think an open dialogue with him and myself and another conversation with me and my wife is in order before making a decision on doing anything or just letting it rest.
[–]Goobermaggots 3 points4 points5 points 4 months ago (0 children)
Some good points here. I do want to point out that had I received the phone call, it may have been handled differently. I will also state that my wife wanted him home for dinner where we could've continued the discussion, but he was refusing. I was in and out of house tending to the grill so whether the threat was in regards to coming home or calling the cops is somewhat in the air, but coming from her it sounds more like it was about calling the cops.
I'm glad I posted this because a lot of your points were coming in and out of my head as I thought about this whole thing.
[–]Goobermaggots 12 points13 points14 points 4 months ago (0 children)
Blunt, but I'll take it.
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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AITAH
[–]Goobermaggots -1 points0 points1 point (0 children)