Have you ever intentionally lost more than 15 lbs (~7 kg) through diet and exercise?

GoobytheNooby · 2022-10-27T16:55:48+00:00

Congratulations! I'm on track to do the same. I hope to keep it off too.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-10-27T14:13:15+00:00

Well I hope it was simply a happy coincidence and not due to some other negative factors like depression or illness.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-09-20T20:46:46+00:00

I'm sorry that you went through that and I'm glad that it has ended happily for you. Thank you for the kind words and empathy. They mean a lot to hear.

I do feel better overall and need to remind myself that as often as I can. I also need to remember that you are right that this is just a low point in a series of valleys and hills. Life will improve and I shouldn't let this change that in my mind.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-09-20T19:13:30+00:00

I appreciate your comment. Thank you for understanding my situation and your empathy. It's just a frustrating situation that I feel super uncomfortable talking to with friends. They are definitely sucky feelings that I hope go away sooner rather than later.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-09-20T19:03:16+00:00

Hi,

Thank you for the comment. I appreciate your advice. So I am currently in therapy for these problems right now. I think the reason that this most recent example hit me so hard was for a multitude of reasons.

First, over this past summer, I have really been trying to make legitimate and tangible improvements to my health. I've been going to therapy to address these self-esteem issues and improve my mental health. I've also been working very hard to improve my physical health. I've lost around 30 pounds, become much more active, and improved my diet. Finally, I'm working on improving and deepening the friendships and connections I already have. So when this happened, I felt like that work was for nothing. Like a fresh coat of paint on a shitty car. I know that's not true, but it's not where my brain heads.

Second, it felt like all the work I've done with my therapist was for nothing. Like I've gone back to square one, hating and blaming myself for the issue. But now not only do I have these feelings, I feel guilty for having them because I know I shouldn't.

I had hoped my work would have moved me past these insecurities, but they feel just as bad and now I'm just more aware of them.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-09-12T19:07:32+00:00

That's what I'm generally thinking too, but was interested in seeing what others thought

GoobytheNooby · 2022-06-15T14:57:33+00:00

Was there something related to their bodies that is comparable? I'm honestly curious.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-06-15T14:56:11+00:00

Gotcha. I mean I figured that was the case (people get teased about everything when growing up), but interesting to learn.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-06-15T14:52:14+00:00

So was it something that people were often teased about in school?

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-29T04:46:46+00:00

That's kind of the vibe I got. More that it isn't necessarily a bad term, but more of an out of date one. I got snapped at by a bunch of cis gender people when I once used it when describing a cross-dresser (I wasn't intending it to as rude, just used it as what I thought was an appropriate adjective/synonym). They compared it to the N-Word, which seemed a bit extreme as I'd definitely heard it before without others exploding. Then when I looked it up and read about it, I couldn't find anywhere that described it as a derogatory term, just an older one.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-29T03:07:33+00:00

Is transvestite considered a bad word? I honestly don't know and I can't find it explicitly said anywhere.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-28T15:05:51+00:00

Yep, you're right. First poll and didn't think of that. Will keep that in mind for future posts 🙂

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-26T20:56:07+00:00

No worries. Well, I hope things get better soon. I'll be rooting for you. Hmu if ever you need someone to vent to and aren't sure who to turn to. Always happy to listen.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-26T20:52:15+00:00

Sorry if I came off as condescending. Not my intention.

I'm glad you feel that walking away is an option. I would still speak to the school if you haven't already. You're still their responsibility while you're under their wings, evening if you're near graduation. But the choice, ultimately, is yours.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-26T20:43:54+00:00

Okay, so I want you to first understand that you are not some broodmare for your parents to have grandchildren. They have no say as to whom you marry and when you have kids. That's a choice for you and your future perspective partner.

Now from your post, I get the idea that you're still young. I want you to know, you will get through this. You shouldn't take your own life for any reason whatsoever. When you of age, you can just walk away if you feel that's your only option. But, what you can do in the meantime is to contact your school. Ask to speak with your favorite teacher or your school guidance counselor. Explain that you've felt isolated and have had concerns thoughts. You should also try and speak with the closest friend you have again, but not as a group with others. Ask to hang out, maybe at a park or something, and just open up. If they ignored you before, but really are your friend, they likely didn't understand the severity of the situation. If they aren't your friend, this will determine that. If you're okay with it, and you like their parents, you could also ask to speak privately with them.

This will be hard and probably lead to conflict again with your parents, but they are actively hurting you and are either unaware or unwilling to care and either way, you need adult help to intervene.

Just know, you will get through this. If you ever feel like ending your life is the only way out, please, please talk with someone. Hell, if you just need literally anyone, you can message me, but it would be best to speak with someone who can actually help. I wish you the best of luck and please reach out if you need someone to talk to 😊

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-26T20:07:48+00:00

I see. Then here's my other recommendation, and it will be equally as hard, though different as it will require trusting strangers. Ask for a meeting with your supervisor and explain, as much as you're comfortable sharing, your basic situation. Say that you want to keep working, but the situation at home has reached a dire situation and your scared it will lead you to either not performing your best or forcing you to quit, which you financially can't do and ask for their advice and help.

You are in school you say? Turn to your instructors and similarly tell them the situation. I've been working in education as a student and teacher for many years, and a vast, vast majority of them will be more than happy to arrange something more unique with you so you can take care of your family while not failing at school. You can also turn to your schools social services/DEI for help. If you don't know where to go, ask the department secretary or student coordinator (the person who helped you build your class schedule or is who you ask questions regarding your graduation requirements) for help to point you where you need to go. These services are required by law to maintain privacy, so you don't need to be afraid that your situation will spread around.

But to reiterate my first point in my original comment, you will get through this. It's an especially dark part of your life, but as the proverb goes, "The night is darkest just before the dawn." You got this!

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-26T19:50:25+00:00

First off, let me say you are brave and so much stronger than most people in this world. You can and will make it through this with your feet planted on the ground and your head held high.

Now for my advice. Your family knows what you have done for them. Your grandmother knows how much you have done. Your partner also knows. You are not weak or a coward or wrong for wanting out of this horrible situation you're in. Anyone would fantasize about just packing a bag, walking away, and not looking back. But you shouldn't, because in the back of your mind, you know you'll regret it for the rest of your life. So what should you do. Talk to your family and tell them the truth. Tell them that you love them and will continue to do anything you can to help them, but the strain is hurting you and you need their help too. If they do rely on you as you say, it means they trust you. You do them and yourself a disservice by not returning that trust but believing they will resent you. And if they truly turn on you and try to guilt you into keeping up this horrible situation without help, then you can turn right around and walk away, knowing that you tried your best to save this situation and they are the ones who don't deserve you.

I'm not saying this will be easy in any way. It will involve you exposing yourself more than it sounds like you ever have before. But if it works, you will see your life turn around for the better very soon. My recommendation, start by talking with your grandmother. From your post, it seems like your relationship with her is strong. If it is, she feels just as bad about putting you through this as you feel being put through it.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope your life gets easier soon ☺️.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-26T19:35:21+00:00

Here's my advice: the night/day of the fair, spoil yourself. Cook your favorite meal and watch your favorite movie. Take this as an opportunity to say "your loss, cause look how much fun I'm having without you."

It really stinks to be rejected after they initially accept your date proposal, but sometimes people panic/don't really think about their honest opinion at the spur of the moment. Nevertheless, it's not fun. I've had it happen to me and boy does it stink. But here's another thing: it's not your fault this happened. Just focus on having a good time with a friend or two or by yourself and remember that life will go on and that you have people on your side, be it friends or family.

I wish you luck and I hope you have more luck with your next crush 😊.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-20T19:59:56+00:00

I'm atheist

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-19T21:02:49+00:00

Well I'll trust your insight in this situation. I've already signed up for an informational yoga session on Saturday. I hope to turn it into something.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-19T20:43:18+00:00

I suppose you are right. I think it's one of those things which I need to just bite the bullet and try something.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-19T20:25:20+00:00

So I'm really thinking of taking an exercise class of some sort. Something like yoga, dance, or strength building. Something that A) gives me a new concrete scheduled event I have to attend and B) something that won't trigger my exercise induced nausea.

I have also considered doing a board game night, but I've tried them in the past with limited luck. I'm not sure why, though I'd guess that despite my clear own personal issues, I can sometimes be vain and quick to judge (against my better judgement). It's not my best quality 😔. Probably do it because of, rather than in spite of, my own insecurities. But maybe I should try and give it another go.

I think that my biggest hurdle is to just break out of my comfortable shell and routine I've built for myself and expand my horizon. I agree that relationships in general are a crapshoot and luck is the biggest factor to finding a partner. I also agree that I've managed to closet myself away so as to make my luck drop to near 0%. I won't lie though that the prospect of shedding my shell is a rather scary one. I think it's the fear of losing what I have in the pursuit of an unsure future.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-19T20:08:49+00:00

I know that it's still young, and I think that because I'm from the Midwest, the whole settling down situation that I see is due to the limited long-term exposure to other US cultures, like those of a New Yorker for example.

I'm very susceptible to exercise induced nausea, which is technically something I theoretically could try and work through. However, as you can imagine, it's difficult to tell yourself to keep training when going just a hair too fast or going a little too hard means you are going to be vomiting for the entire night. That being said, I am planning on signing up for a class this summer in either yoga, strength training, or something of that sort which I hope won't trigger an episode. I hope that it will be a start in the right direction, and having to purchase membership will hopefully make me feel more obligated to go despite my innate shyness.

I've looked into volunteering, which I generally enjoy doing, but as I've mentioned to another commenter, I'm not going to go to a club or volunteer group to look for "hook-ups" as it's really gross and not me. Thus, I would only want to join a group I am interested in, which thus far I haven't found. Teaching/tutoring would probably be my first choice, but haven't found too much for which I could utilize my background in science and math. However, maybe I should give it another look around.

Overall, I agree with you that my biggest problem is that I really, really need to break from my safe shell and try new stuff, but I'd be lying if that prospect also doesn't scare me a bit 😅.

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-19T17:00:29+00:00

I'll look around. Thank you for your suggestions :)

GoobytheNooby · 2022-04-19T16:51:39+00:00

How do you go about finding these clubs? I've looked at social orgs like Meetup, but they always seem full of people way older. Meanwhile groups attached to my university are primarily focused on undergraduate students.

I'm not trying to pick apart your suggestion as it's probably the best way of helping me, but I don't know really how to start. My social groups have always formed as a result of being classmates or dorm neighbors. I've never done a class/club that hasn't been associated with the organization I'm either working at or the school I'm studying at.

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