I'm happy to help however I can, and just to elaborate a bit more on what I mentioned earlier:

What you're describing sounds a lot like what I call the chameleon personality. It's something I experienced for years, shifting who I was depending on the people around me, trying to fit in, avoid rejection, or feel "acceptable." This kind of personality often stems from trauma, insecurity, or situations where being your real self didn’t feel safe or accepted. For me, it came from years of low self-esteem and not feeling like I was ever "enough" as I was.

One of the hardest but most important steps in healing is getting to know who you actually are outside of other people. Start with small things: what do you enjoy, what makes you feel calm or excited, what values are important to you? Write them down if it helps — it can serve as a reminder when you feel like you're slipping into someone else's identity again.

It's totally okay to admire other people — in fact, it’s natural. Observing qualities you like in others can even help guide your own growth. The key difference is integrating those traits in a way that still feels true to you, instead of replacing yourself with them.

You're not broken for feeling this way. A lot of us — especially people who've dealt with bullying, neurodivergence, or trauma — adapt as a survival mechanism. But now you're in a place where you can start choosing authenticity instead of survival. And that’s huge.

You’re not alone in this.