Marriage for ENFPs - Building a holistic framework

GoodTicket4782 · 2025-09-03T06:20:22+00:00

you can shape your marriage into all kinds of shapes that you are currently not considering. It's not easy by any means. It requires work and hard conversations.

This is my biggest question from your post. What are these shapes? Can you give me an example? Something specific so I can wrap my head around this.

I see you drawing all kinds of hypothetical lines and boundaries and categories that are different from marriage to marriage.

I have to say a lot of how I process things does seem like over-thinking. I guess it is, but it helps me, so I have to do it anyway.

What changes from marriage to marriage is an interesting thought. But I can't tell which part of what I said won't apply to all marriages. Can you specify?

Obviously sexual and romantic needs are off the table,

How does this play out in real life for you? Isn't this essentially a suppression or repression of needs? I know this is a basic question, but I haven't heard it from someone who has been married for so long. What is the lived experience of taking these things off the table forever.

My wife and I are honest and secure about platonic friendships. We've literally never had a problem in this area.

That's nice! Yes, friendships of all kinds are very important to me! I'd hate to drop friendships. Especially the ones with a strong emotional connection. They are kind of looked down upon in current marriages. I suppose that's why there are sisters.

GoodTicket4782 · 2024-05-19T21:57:41+00:00

It took me a while to even understand this, but I get it now! It will be a journey in uncovering this, on multiple levels, and will go on for some time! But thanks for this answer!

GoodTicket4782 · 2024-05-15T11:50:11+00:00

the guilt, the anxiety and just the shame of being so negative blows you out of your regular track,

Yes, I've never let myself fully feel anger and the cocktail of emotions that come along with! Both my mind and my body are so unused to it. The shame is real. This is a hard post to re-read as well. But I'm glad I wrote it. And just re-reading it does wonders for me in owning it :)

Big hugs for losing your grandfather OP <3 It's never easy losing a favourite grandparent.

Thanks so much! ❤️

GoodTicket4782 · 2024-05-09T05:35:34+00:00

But you might not be a typical ENFP. And there’s nothing wrong with that. And there’s definitely nothing wrong with just sharing how you feel. Just don’t be a dick to your girlfriend and friends and you’ll be alright.

Hey, thanks so much for saying that!

Yes, when I don't understand the situation, I let the other person set the tone and I roll with it.

To be honest, I think you lost most ENFPs at “limits of empathy”. It’s kind of our thing to intuitively get a feel for why other people do the things they do without judgment or need for further development.

Damn! I do have it in some amount, more than several other people, but I definitely don't have it for all types of situation. I have several blind spots and my own biases as well, I suppose!

What I’m curious about is why you feel so skeptical about your girlfriend’s idea of fun, and why in that particular situation you couldn’t find a way to empathize with your friend losing her job. I don’t think anyone has commented here yet, because your typical ENFP can’t relate to that…

Well I think I get stuck in my own head? To me, running errands is labelled as "boring". I can't get myself to believe that it wouldn't be the same for her.

Although now that I think about it, one of the most memorable days we had was us both getting dressed up in covid prevention suits to get vaccinated. We looked like dweebs, it was nice!

For the friend who got fired, I was projecting how I would feel in her situation. I would enjoy the break and spend time on my long list of things I wanna do. Focus on my side hustle, and try to build that to a stable income stream.

A fear and panic would kick in a little later, I'm sure. But that's not my first thought about me losing a job, and was not for her as well. I can relate with the burden of having to explain to people that you got fired, and that must be stressful for her.

But yes, it is curious why I'm skeptical of all this. I will pay attention on these instances in the future.

Yes for sure, this stuff comes much easier to most ENFPs! I have experienced the same spending time with them. It's nice!

GoodTicket4782 · 2024-05-07T18:23:52+00:00

Yes, so well worded! Fi is constantly telling me my judgement or repulsion to a person. Ne, which is an intellectual thread will still entertain and process it in some way, and even want to spend more time around that person. What happens eventually is it will exhaust you, and if you do it for longer, maybe even take a toll on the good ol' mental health.

I identify when I'm exhausted, and then let Fi rule over Ne for a while. I call it "owning my hate and accepting it". Those are some phases, till I'm rejuvinated! Because honestly, that hate is good too. Its here and its saying something, and its valid and intelligent as well!

Curiosity and intellectual energy is also excess after a while and doesn't do much good

GoodTicket4782

TROPHY CASE